I lean over James and press my gun to his dick. “You sick son of a bitch. Are you ready to fucking die?”

He shakes his head back and forth and starts backing away from me. “Fuck! Don’t do it. Don’t do it. We didn’t mean to kill her. I swear.” He grips his wounded arm and snot starts dripping down his face as he cries and pleads with me. “We only meant to send a message, but she screamed so fucking loud. It was an accident. I didn’t know I broke her neck. It wasn’t meant to happen.”

I swing the gun, hitting him in the dick and then grab the back of his neck to scream in his face. “And you think that makes it any better? Huh?” I hit him in the dick again, but harder this time.

He shakes his head, while grabbing his dick in pain. “No! Fuck!”

“Yeah . . . you’re definitely fucked.”

Looking him straight in the eyes, I shoot him in the dick and then in the neck, watching his life and blood slowly drain out of him as he struggles to breathe.

I never thought watching a man die would feel so fucking good, but I’m elated as I watch him take his last breath before me.

Kneeling down in a puddle of blood, I hold Olivia with one arm, while pulling out my phone and calling 9–1-1.

“9–1-1. What’s your emergency?”

I look down into Olivia’s glossy eyes and clench my jaw in pain. I can barely speak. “Three men broke into my home and raped and killed my fiancé.” I run my fingers over her eyes, closing them. “And then I killed them.”

Pulling the phone away, I throw it against the wall as hard as I can, breaking it.

I feel numb; so fucking numb.

Holding Olivia in my shaking arms, I close my eyes and cry into her neck, for what seems like forever. Then I lay her down and press both of my hands to her swollen belly and kiss it.

More rage surges through me as I see that the blood is still dripping down her legs, letting me know that our child is not okay. There’s so much blood; so fucking much.

Our baby girl; she was due in seven weeks. Seven fucking weeks left and now she’ll never get the chance to live.

“Fuuuuck!” I cry.

Standing up, I grab everything in my sight and break it, while screaming out in pain. Nothing else matters to me but them, and now I’ve lost them both. I can’t do it without them. I can’t have a life without them in it.

After everything I can get my hands on is broken, and my hands are bloodied and bruised, I walk over to the window, light a cigarette, and take a drag, while looking out.

The only thing I long for is to fucking fade away and pretend as if I’m not standing here, covered in blood; crimson fucking red from head to toe with my heart pounding so viciously that my chest feels as if it’s going to burst the fuck open.

My lungs burn as I inhale another long drag from the cigarette I’ve been holding. The smoke fills my lungs, expanding them and sending a cooling sensation throughout my shaking body. I long for some kind of relief, but it fucking brings none. I take another drag anyways, waiting for what’s to come next.

Red and blue flashing lights.

I stand frozen in the window, numbly watching as they grow near, the sounds of sirens getting louder with each passing second.

Taking one last drag, I toss the cigarette at the glass and turn away. I could care less if this motherfucker burns down. There’s nothing left here for me. Not anymore.

My body starts moving, mentally checked out and lost somewhere in this never-ending nightmare of my world at its end. I feel the hatred starting to build, and the animosity of the night overwhelming me.

I bring my blood-covered hands up to rub my face as I growl out, releasing some of my pent up anger. I growl out until my throat feels raw, but just like the cigarette it does shit to relieve this pain that is slowly killing me.

I walk slowly, in a daze, passing three breathless bodies, before I stop in front of . . . her. Blood covers her blonde hair and her once pink, plump lips are now ice fucking blue. I reach over to pull her into my arms, feeling my heart die a little more with each breath that she doesn’t take.

That’s when the door flies open and I hear them piling in. Heavy footsteps take over until that’s all I can hear, besides the erratic beating of my dead fucking heart.

A buzzing fills my ears. My heartbeat speeds up at an uncontrollable rate and all I see is red as I’m yanked to my feet, two officers fighting to restrain me. I don’t care if they fucking take me away. I will rot in fucking hell for her, but I’m not done saying goodbye yet.

I feel the cuffs snap around my wrists, hard. Too fucking hard. My hands may not be free, but that won’t stop me. Rotating my shoulders, I swing my head back as hard as I can, slamming it into a nose that I hear crack. That shit is broken. I know that for sure, and so does he by the way he curses and steps away to hold his bleeding nose.

Another set of hands attempt to grab me from behind as I make my way down to the ground, on my knees, burying my face into her lifeless neck. I kiss it gently, for the last time, before my head is yanked backwards and I’m torn away from her, and then pushed down to my face before a knee digs into my neck.

Present

I RUN MY FINGERS OVER the last ultrasound taken and swallow back the pain at the reminder that I never got to hold my baby girl.

The pain and guilt eats at me every fucking day. I not only lost one life that night . . . but two.

I only allow myself to look at it for a few more seconds, before gently putting it back into the box and closing it.

Then I put the box away, before going to my bedroom and crawling into bed.

Avalon is already fast asleep.

I stare at the ceiling until finally falling asleep, letting the darkness of the night consume me.

STANDING IN THE DOORWAY WITH a bottle of beer in hand, I stand back and watch Blaine as he concentrates on tattooing some chick’s left ass cheek.

He looks up at me once in a while, lifting a brow in curiosity as he watches me tilt back my beer and grip the doorframe. “What’s good, fucker? You’ve been standing there without moving for like twenty damn minutes. Did some shit happen that I should know about?”

“Nah. I was just thinking of going out for a bit.” I finish off the last bit of my beer and toss it in the trash across the room. “You good here?”

Blaine gives me a look, meaning, are you shitting me, and leans back in his chair as if he’s the coolest fucker to walk the earth. “When am I ever not good? Come on, bro. I got this shit. If you got something to do then go.”

I run my hand over my face and look over at the clock. It’s just a little past noon, making me anxious to get out of here.

“Alright.” I slick my hair back and lock eyes with Blaine. I really can’t deal with his shit today. “If I come back and my window is broken, I’ll shoot your fucking dick off. I’m not in the mood today.”

“Dude . . . seriously? Why do you always threaten my manhood? It’s my best fucking feature.”

“Because your dick pisses me off even more than you do. You’re always fucking touching it and shit,” I say with a scowl. “Keep shit under control until I get back and don’t text me if it’s important: call.”

“Yup. Got it.” He pulls his gun away and backs the chair up a bit to admire the chick’s ass. “Damn . . . that is one fine piece of work?” He smirks and adjusts his cock with his free hand.

The girl leans up on her elbows and looks back, then smiles at him, while watching his hand. “It better be if it’s covering my beautiful ass.”