Please don’t let it be tomorrow either . . .

Twenty Months Ago

“HOLD THE FUCK STILL! DON’T fucking move!” The pig yells in my ear. “Leave this piece of shit with the fucking rookie while we check the rest of the house. There’s no way one man took all three of these scums down.” I feel officer Payton’s knee press harder into my neck, before slapping the back of my head and whispering, “You broke my partner’s nose, scum. Huge mistake. It’s losers like you that deserve to rot in prison, Royal.” He presses into my neck again and digs his knee in until I can’t breathe. “Knight, over here,” he demands. “Don’t let him fucking move. Use your gun if you have to.”

I feel the pressure of the officer’s knee leave my neck, before an arm presses down on the back of my head, but a lot gentler than the last asshole cop. “I got him. He won’t go anywhere.”

The rookie waits until the other officers’ footsteps retreat down the hall before releasing the back of my head, as I shake his hand off in rage. He doesn’t even fight to restrain me, which surprises me. The cops in this town are assholes.

I feel him lean in close to my ear as I sit straight up on my knees and look at her. “These assholes murdered your pregnant fiancé,” he whispers in a pained voice. “I would have done the same thing. They deserved to suffer for that shit. I know that for sure.” His hands grab at the cuffs, before I feel my left arm fall free. “Say bye to her. That’s all I can give you.”

Looking at her lying there, I crawl over to her on my knees and immediately feel the tears sting my eyes as I rest my face on her swollen tummy. I’ve never felt such pain in my life. Nothing can ever compare to the misery running through my body right now, and it’s eating me alive.

Fighting the feeling to lay here and die along with her, I pull her lifeless body into my lap and bury my face into her cold neck.

“I’m so fucking sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry,” I cry. “I failed to protect you and Hadley and I’ll never forgive myself for that. I love you,” I whisper. “Fuck, I love you so fucking much. I’ve loved you my whole damn life and I’ll never stop. Not for one fucking second. I’d die for you, Livie. I’d fucking die for you.”

I run a hand down my face in frustration at myself. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I did this,” I cry against her neck. “I should have known to be here. I should have gotten here sooner.”

With tear stained eyes, I pull her closer against me, not ready to let go yet, when I hear the footsteps of the other officers approaching again. They’re close enough that I can hear them talking now.

“The house is empty. This loser is more lethal than I gave him credit for.” It’s silent for a few seconds, until the officers come into view, looking surprised, yet pissed as hell to see me down on the ground holding Olivia in my arms.

“What the fuck, Rookie? You looking to lose your job already?”

“His cuffs were too tight,” Officer Knight says stiffly. “My bad. Maybe you should learn to put on cuffs better. Just let him say goodbye to his family. He’s not going anywhere. He’s the one that called us.”

“Fuck you, Knight. We’ll discuss this with the Chief later.”

The sound of ambulance sirens causes the whole room to go quiet and for the officer with the broken nose to finally take a second to look around him at the mess I made.

“Shit, this is going to be a mess to clean up.” When he looks over at me again, I see a small glimpse of sympathy, before it’s replaced with fear. “Let’s get him out of here.”

Paramedics rush in and past us, going straight to Olivia as they begin dragging me away.

I can hear them screaming for supplies to work on her and the baby, but those fuckers are too late. Just like I was . . .

The only thing on my mind as they drag me away is how the fuck I’m going to find Brian when I get out.

Four lives for two . . . that’s the way it has to be.

MY CONVERSATION WITH MARK KEEPS running through my head, messing with me and making me question just what the hell I’m doing with Avalon.

He was right about a few things, one of them being the fact that if she’s going to be around me she needs to know what happened in my past.

She deserves to know that she’s spending time with a killer; a man that is willing to take the life of anyone who hurts the ones he loves. I killed those men without even an ounce of remorse, and watched as James’ life drained from his eyes. I wanted to kill them. I didn’t only want to, but I needed to.

The fucked up part is that I’m still out for blood from the fucker that put my family in that position to begin with. I’m not even close to being done yet. Brian has no chance once I get my hands on him and I won’t even think twice before putting my bullet straight through his fucking head.

What kind of demented monster does that make me? Can a human with a beating heart really just take another man’s last breath and not be considered cold, dark, and depraved? Does that even make me human at all?

I’m not so sure myself, and the thought of revealing the true monster inside me to Avalon has had me tense and on edge all night. I even attacked Blaine and slammed him against the wall when he asked me about Avalon. Just her name was enough to set me off.

My head is completely fucked up right now and I can’t put any rational thoughts together enough to function.

I thought I wanted Avalon to feel me, to see the monster in me, but the thought of her walking away makes my chest ache and my blood boil.

I’m not ready to let that happen yet. That’s exactly why I’m parked outside of Stylin’ right now, waiting in my truck for her to walk out that door.

The “Open” sign has been turned off for over twenty minutes now, and the only car in the parking lot is Avalon’s jeep. I hate the thought of her leaving the salon at night without any kind of protection.

That knowledge makes me want to sit outside every night that she works and take her home myself. Her boss is stupid for not having any kind of safety for her employees; either that or she’s a just a bitch.

Regardless . . . here I am.

Leaning my head back, I take a long drag of my cigarette and slowly release it.

A few minutes later, I look out my window and toss my cigarette out when I hear Avalon and Madison talking animatedly.

“That’s just fucking crazy, Ava, and you know it. Of course I didn’t sleep with both of them. We just . . . you know . . . had a little fun. I just wanted a small taste. For now . . .”

“You’re one feisty little whore. You know that?” Avalon comments while slowly walking to her jeep without even bothering to check her surroundings. “But hell if I don’t want to know the details. Well maybe not all of them.”

It makes me angry that she hasn’t even noticed my truck sitting in the back of the parking lot, facing them. I could be some crazed fucking maniac . . . Well, one dangerous to her at least.

This just proves to me that I have something to worry about and makes me glad that I chose to sit out here and wait.

“What can I say?” Madison says excitedly, while playfully snapping her teeth at the air like an animal. “I’m wild and those boys bring out the animal in me. No fucking shame, Sweets, none at all. You should try it sometime. Maybe Royal will let one of the boys join. Jax can eat your pussy while Royal fucks your mouth. Hot!”