“I’m okay.” She shrugged and gave me a small smile. “Why?”

“I know you’re upset with me,” I said honestly. “I know this is a lot more complicated than we both thought it was going to be when we talked about this fake engagement.”

“It’s fine.” Her eyes looked away from mine. “It’s fun, right? I mean, let’s just concentrate on that.”

“This isn’t about fun,” I said seriously. “I hope you understand that, Mila.”

“I do.” She nodded. “Let’s just enjoy the day. We don’t need to have a serious talk.” She looked at me with the sweetest smile I’d ever seen and my heart dropped as I realized just how much she meant to me.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” I started and she reached over and grabbed my arm.

“TJ, it’s fine. We’re fine. I spoke to Nonno yesterday and I’m feeling better. We just need to be ourselves and what’s going to happen will happen.”

“What does that mean?” I frowned.

“It just means we can’t force anything.” Her voice sounded wistful. “And, well, I don’t wanna be the person who tries to force something that isn’t there. I don’t want to be that girl.”

“What girl?” My hands gripped the steering wheel.

“It doesn’t matter.” She sighed. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Mila,” I said softly as I headed onto the highway, “we’re going to talk about it.”

“I don’t want to,” she said, almost pouting.

“Mila.” I glanced at her. “Talk to me. Please.”

“Let’s just say, I’ve spent too many years thinking with feelings and emotions and I don’t want to be that person anymore.” She looked out of the window. “I’ve made mistakes in the past. I’ve said things. Done things. And now I look back and think, what was the point? What did it get me?”

“Are you talking about another guy again?” I said, jealousy stirring in the pit of my stomach. “Is there some guy you regret being with?”

“It’s not that.” She sighed again and I knew I was being ridiculous, but I couldn’t stop myself. “I just don’t want to be the girl floating around with her head in the clouds anymore. I don’t want to be the girl who’s dreaming of rainbows and butterflies on a day that’s thunderstorming.”

“What girl do you want to be?”

“I want to be the girl who dances in the rain. I want to be the girl who jumps in puddles. I want to be the girl who can stare at the gray sky and watch the lightning and know it’s okay to appreciate the darkness. I don’t want to be the girl who can only survive in the sunshine. Life’s not all sunshine. I don’t want to pretend that it is anymore.”

“I want your life to be all sunshine,” I said before I could stop myself.

“I know you do.” She nodded. “You care for me. I know that.”

“But?” I said, glancing at her.

“But nothing.” She rubbed the temples on her forehead. “When you live in the clouds, sometimes you just have to come back to earth every once in a while.”

“I see,” I said and my stomach sank. What was she saying? Did she no longer love me? Did she no longer want to be with me? Did she no longer care what I thought? Was she giving up on me? As much as that should have made me feel better, it didn’t. It felt like a dagger through my gut.

“Let’s just enjoy our day together,” she said simply. “Let’s enjoy our four weeks together and then when it’s over we can go back to being friends. Maybe we’ll even be best friends now.”

“That’s what you want?” I said, my stomach tightening. “To be best friends?”

“Sure. You’re a great guy. I think maybe we’ve been destined to be best friends.”

“Even though you have Sally and I have Cody?”

“They’re still our best friends, but we have another kind of best friendship,” she said and then sighed. “You know what I mean? Maybe we’re soulmates, but on a different level.”

“Yeah, maybe,” I said and then turned the radio on. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know if she was saying this stuff because she really believed it or because I’d broken her. Maybe she didn’t want to waste her time loving someone who couldn’t love her back. She didn’t say anything else after that and neither did I. I wasn’t really sure what to say. She already knew what I thought about soulmates and one true love. I didn’t believe in it. And she knew that. I thought there were multiple people out there for everyone. You just had to make it work, if a serious relationship was something that you really wanted. I knew she hated that. I knew she wanted to believe in a fairy tale. I didn’t think it was safe or healthy. I think it set people up for devastation and despair. How could there only be one person? How could one person mean so much to one person? It wasn’t good. What if it didn’t work out? What if one person fell out of love? It would be too hard. Someone might not be able to take it. Someone might kill themselves. No, it was unrealistic and too scary a prospect to think that there was only one true love for everyone. Though, that didn’t stop an inner hope in me that she thought I was her one. I nearly slammed on the brakes as I realized that. I wanted Mila to think I was her soulmate. I wanted her to think I was her one. Even though I didn’t believe in it myself. I knew it was selfish of me. I knew I could never be that man in her life, yet I couldn’t make that feeling go away. I was a horrible, selfish person. An absolutely horrible person.

“We’re here,” I said as we pulled up outside the stables.

“We’re going riding?” She looked surprised as she undid her seatbelt. “That wasn’t what I expected.”

“What were you expecting?” I grinned at her.

“Aw, you’ll never know.” She winked at me and jumped out of the car and slammed the door. I jumped out and locked the doors and hurried over to her.

“Tell me.” I grinned, wondering exactly what she thought we’d be doing and where.

“Nope.” She grinned back at me.

“Come on, maybe you’ll give me a good idea.”

“Maybe you don’t need any more good ideas.” She laughed. “Now take me riding or I will pout.”

“I don’t want you pouting.” I grabbed her hand. “Come on, then.” And I guided her towards the office, where I knew they were waiting for me with two chestnut mares.

“So how come you took today off?” Mila asked me as we walked towards the stables. “I thought you were a dedicated employee?”

“Sometimes we all need a break, right?” I answered casually, ignoring the feeling in my gut that told me to tell her exactly what was going on.

“You can say that again.” She sighed loudly. “I just don’t know what’s going to happen. We’re bleeding money. Nothing is going right and Mom and Dad can’t agree on the next step and they don’t want to go to Nonno for advice.”

“Why not?” I asked hesitantly. “He ran the business successfully for years, so why wouldn’t they ask him for his advice?”

“I guess maybe pride? Or they’re ashamed. Like, I think Nonno knows the economy is bad right now, but I don’t know if he knows just how badly we’re doing.” She chewed on her lower lip. “I wanted to mention it to him, but I thought it would be too much.”

“Why would it be too much?” I asked her, studying the side of her face as she played with her hair.

“Well, I didn’t want to inundate him with all my problems.”

“All your problems?” I raised an eyebrow at her. “How many do you have?”

“A few.” She laughed. “Just a few.”

“Am I one of the problems?” I asked dumbly, knowing the answer already.

“Could you ever be a problem, TJ?” she teased me and I laughed.

“Nope, never. I could never be a problem.” I laughed as well and we entered the office. There was a young girl sitting behind the desk who was wearing a riding hat and I walked over to her. “Hi, I’m TJ Walker. I booked two horses for an afternoon ride.”

“Oh, hi, Mr. Walker.” She jumped up and grinned. “We got the two mares ready for you. We’ll just get you some hats and crops. You guys have been riding before, right?”

“Yup.” I nodded and looked over at Mila, who was grinning in excitement. “You look happy.”