“Well, since you’re the guest,” Shifty said, and motioned for Mason to go first.

Renee handed Mason a rolled bill. Mason leaned forward and I closed my eyes at the sound of him snorting that junk.

I looked at Renee. She seemed happy that her new friend was willing to dabble in her recreational activities. Mason wiped at his nose and leaned back against the couch. Everyone looked at me now.

“Kendall, have you ever done K?” Shifty asked, searching my eyes for willingness.

Mason grabbed my arm and nudged me forward. He wanted me to do it—they all did.

“No. I’ve never tried the stuff,” I said. My cheeks heated with naïve embarrassment. I should’ve been proud of that, but there I sat feeling like a moron.

I took a deep breath. What was the worst that could happen? My life felt like it was already as bad as it could get.

Shifty pulled a finger through the powder and offered it to Renee. She eagerly sucked and licked the powder from his finger. She smiled at me and offered me the same service—Shifty’s finger. I swallowed down in disgust, not exactly thrilled with the idea of sucking a drug off some strange guy’s finger. I pushed the revulsion to the back of my mind long enough to do the same thing Renee had done.

I sat back, a bitter taste invading my tongue. It wasn’t long before I began to feel more relaxed than ever before—like sailing away on a cloud of nothing. I leaned back against the sofa, savoring the tranquility while everyone around me seemed to be talking all at once.

Mason leaned against me, his body heavier than before. He rested his head on my shoulder. I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t. I couldn’t tell if Renee’s laughter was getting louder or if it was in my head. I also didn’t understand why I was suddenly obsessed with the ceiling and seemed to see every little detail.

Shifty seemed to suddenly materialize in front of me. He smiled, watching me like I was some science experiment. I didn’t know if he was as close as he seemed, but I didn’t have the strength to swat him away.

“What are you doing?” I asked him, hoping I hadn’t said that as loud as it sounded.

“I’m watching you. Are you enjoying yourself?” he asked.

I nodded, enjoying the newfound awareness of my head as it moved up and down. “What about you?” I asked as I rested my head on the arm of the couch. I swatted at what I thought were bugs—or maybe it was lint.

I ran my hand across my forehead trying to ease the weird sensations from my head—like time stood still. Why had I been stupid enough to go along with this crap?

“I’m more of a quick guy,” he grinned. “I like the fast shit. Meth is my best friend most days.”

I closed my eyes. And suddenly someone was pulling me back into a sitting position. I opened my eyes looking for Mason. He was up and moving again. He looked at me with a confused expression. Everything was turning and spinning all around me and, once again, the darkness was upon me.

I could hear the beating of my heart like a tiny mad man was banging away on a drum. A crazed man just banged and banged and…

“Kendall,” Mason shouted, shaking me back to reality. He slapped my face. I pushed him away from me and sat up. Shifty sat across from us. Even he looked worried.

Renee crawled across Mason’s lap. I tried looking at her but my eyes weren’t cooperating with me. I watched her run her hands through Mason’s hair like she was petting an animal. He didn’t seem bothered by it. He was only focused on me and getting me to wake up and act right.

“Dude, here,” Trent said, as he shoved a pipe in Mason’s face. Mason dropped me back against the couch and took a hit of whatever was in the pipe.

“Kendall is pretty hot, dude,” someone said.

My heart sped up and I kept my eyes closed, willing it all to end.

“She’s beautiful, but I must say I’ve always had a thing for redheads,” someone else said. That ignited a round of laughter.

“Been there,” someone else said.

***

I woke up shaking uncontrollably. The room was dark. I had no idea how much time had passed, but it seemed like hours. I felt like myself again—for the most part. I was very groggy and feeling sick.

I stood up on shaky legs and fell into the wall. I fumbled for something to hold onto as I made my way through Renee’s dark apartment. I grabbed the first doorknob hoping it was a bathroom. I knew I was going to be sick and I didn’t want to puke all over Renee’s nice things.

“Mason?” I called out. “Renee?” No answer.

I pushed open the door.

“Oh, whoa!” Renee squealed and covered her chest with her hands. Mason was behind her in an intimate position. He kissed her shoulder and kept moving…not a care in the world.

“Where is the bathroom?” I demanded. “I think I’m going to be sick.” My stomach churned even more at the realization that Mason was having sex with Renee.

Shifty appeared in the hallway. Renee shot him an annoyed expression and he shut the door, leaving Mason and Renee to finish what they’d started.

“Kendall, are you okay?” Shifty asked. He tilted his head to the side. He was so messed up he could barely hold his eyes open. He walked me down the hall and opened the door to the bathroom. He turned on the light and offered me entrance. “Are you feeling sick?”

I nodded. I wondered how long it had taken for him to become addicted to using drugs. I wondered why everything I did seemed like such an epic fail.

“I suck at life,” I told him, kneeling before the toilet. He stood watching me from the doorway.

“Did you ever think life just sucks?” he asked.

I scrunched my nose. He was as loony as a toon.

“That makes no sense. Do you know what I’ve been through?” I asked.

Shifty studied me closely. “No, I don’t. But you can tell me if you want. I’m a good listener.” He came into the bathroom. I waited for the puke, but nothing came. It was an awful feeling.

“I come from a very messed up family. You wouldn’t believe the things I’ve seen,” I said, letting out a sigh.

“Like?” Shifty pressed, taking a seat on the floor by the bathtub. He twisted a lighter through his fingers, listening to me talk.

“Let’s just say a lot of bad things. Things I could be put away for…for a very long time.” I slid my hand across the floor and met up with the cool tiles, enjoying the coolness against my cheek.

“I’m only telling you this because you do drugs. Your life has to be pretty screwed up too, right?” I asked, letting out a hiccup.

Shifty laughed at me.

“Let’s get some air. Sometimes coming down can make you feel crazy,” he said, helping me back up.

I threw my arm around his shoulder and let him carry me.

“Mason is in there with Renee. I almost thought I loved him.” I rested my head against Shifty’s chest as he carried me out to the balcony.

I gasped as the cool air hit my skin. It was chilly for July.

I let go of him as soon as my back hit the soft cushion of the lounge chair. I stared up at the black sky.

“Mason’s not himself right now. Don’t hold it against him,” Shifty assured me, lighting up a cigarette.

I nodded. Maybe he was right. Who was I to judge?

My insides felt like Jell-O. My skin was itchy and I wanted to puke.

“You’re a pretty girl,” he said, watching me from the railing. He took a drag from his cigarette and blew out a huge cloud of smoke.

“Thanks,” I said, accepting his compliment. He moved closer. My eyes were heavy and hardly able to focus anymore. The air was making me sleepy. Shifty crawled up the chair, his body hovering over mine. I tried to keep my eyes open but it was so hard. I wondered what he could possibly want with me. I was half dead.

“It’s a nice night,” he said, pushing my hair away from my eyes. I turned away and rested my head in my palm.