I knew that I never wanted to be left a vegetable.

I didn’t want a prolonged hospital stay when the time came and I was approaching the end.

I had given my sister a copy of everything. Of course she had laughed at me and told me that I was ridiculous.

As if I could ever hope she’d understand.

She didn’t know what it was like to live every day knowing it could be your last.

She had no freaking clue.

The lucky bitch.

My service would be understated. I had picked out a beautiful poem by Christina Rossetti that I wanted to be read. Not by Tamsin. She’d just mess it up and put no passion into it all. Adam wouldn’t be much better with his surly demeanor. In the funeral arrangements I had left the reader undecided. Maybe they could just pull a random off the street for the honor.

I knew that I wanted Sarah McLachlan’s “I Will Remember You” playing in the background and I had requested roses of every color.

For all the planning I had put into my own funeral, I hated going to them. I had only been to two. And those two had scarred me forever.

“Why aren’t you dressed yet, Cor?” Dad asked from the doorway. I was still lying in my bed, burrowed underneath my covers.

“I can’t go, Dad,” I said hoarsely.

“You have to go, sweetheart. You can’t let down your mom.” Dad’s voice hitched and cracked and I saw him look away so I wouldn’t see his tears.

Too freaking late.

I was all too used to the sight of his grief. It was the same horrible thing I saw every time I looked in the mirror.

So I stopped looking.

“I don’t want to go. Don’t make me,” I begged. I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to hear people talk about what a wonderful woman my mother was.

I most certainly didn’t want to see my dad’s red-rimmed eyes, puffy and unseeing.

“Get dressed. Please. I don’t want to argue with you today of all days. Do this for your mother.”

Do this for your mother.

Live for your mother.

Be happy for your mother.

How could I do that when I couldn’t imagine doing any of those things for myself?

I was only at Dr. Harrison’s office for a little over fifteen minutes. Lynn offered me a sweet and this time I took it. The sugar made me feel a little better. She booked me in for a follow-up appointment for the next day so that I could find out the test results.

“We’ll see you tomorrow at ten-thirty,” she said as I was leaving.

I nodded and headed back to my car.

My phone rang as I got in.

“Hello?”

“I was about to send out the cavalry. Where have you been?” Beckett asked, and the sound of his voice made me smile.

“I had to have some blood taken,” I told him.

“Why? What’s wrong?” He sounded so worried and his concern warmed me from the inside out.

“I don’t know. I haven’t been feeling right today. Dr. Harrison is going to run some tests.”

“Is it your heart?” he asked, and I could hear the very real fear in his voice.

“I don’t think so,” I said truthfully. I knew it wasn’t my heart. That wasn’t my concern anymore. But I hadn’t told Beckett that. I wasn’t sure why.

I pulled out onto the road and headed toward the studio.

“Oh, well, that’s good.” He sounded so relieved I felt a little guilty. “Are you up to going tonight?” he asked, and I knew this could be my out. I didn’t want to go. I would give anything not to experience the crying. The sorrow.

“No, I’ll go,” I found myself saying. I really was a glutton for punishment.

“Do you need me to come over? I’ll blow off work. I can try to make you a grilled cheese or something.”

“Don’t use me as an excuse to get out of going to work,” I laughed.

“Damn, you caught me. But really, if you need me, I’m there, Corin.”

“I know, Beck. But I’m going into the studio. I think Adam will kill me if I take another sick day.”

“You’re going into work when you feel that bad?” he asked incredulously. I didn’t want to tell him that if I took any more sick days, Adam would most likely blow a gasket.

“I’ll be okay,” I lied.

“So…” Beckett began, and I didn’t like the tone of his voice at all.

“So?” I asked, immediately suspicious.

“I was at my parents’ last night having dinner. We had pasta. Not lasagna. So it was pretty awesome.”

“I’m happy for you?” I posed the statement more as a question. While I was super happy about the great pasta that wasn’t lasagna that he had last night, I wasn’t sure why he was bothering to tell me about it.

“Yeah, Mom made this cream sauce that was out of this world. I hate marinara but alfredo, damn, I could eat that stuff all day. Well, if I could. I’m not supposed to eat a lot of heavy carbs because of the cholesterol. Gotta take care of the ticker, you know.”

“Oh. Yeah. Okay.”

What in the ever-loving hell?

“Zoe, that’s my sister, she asked about you.”

Whoa. Huh?

“How does she even know about me?” I asked. Was Beckett talking about me to his family? I was both flattered and ready to freak out.

“Because I told them obviously,” he chuckled.

“What did you tell them? Do I want to know?”

“That you and I were dating. And that it was, you know, kind of serious.”

I didn’t say anything.

Beckett had just said we were kind of serious.

Inside I was squealing.

In between screaming like a banshee and wanting to run for the hills.

“That sounds like a ringing endorsement,” I stated.

Stop wanting to giggle like a schoolgirl, Corin!

Beckett chuckled. “Fine. We’re super-duper serious. We’re so serious you can’t get any more serious.”

“Super-duper? Wow. That is serious,” I teased.

I pulled up in front of the shop and parked the car. I wasn’t in a rush to get out though. I could talk to Beckett all day.

I could see Adam in the window wiping down tables. Krista was standing beside him, leaning over his arm. Was she brushing her boob against his arm?

I squinted, trying to see more clearly.

Yep, she totally was. There was some definite boob grazing going on.

“Are you mocking me?”

“You know I would do no such thing,” I replied, distracted. I was too busy watching Krista, who thinks our president is a man named Baba O’Reilly, rubbing her big ole boobies all over my best friend’s arm.

And he was smiling at her.

Smiling!

It had been years since I had seen Adam’s teeth. I was starting to think he didn’t have any. But there he was flashing the pearly whites in Krista’s direction.

What was going on in the world?

“Good, because I told them I’d bring you over for dinner next week.”

“Oh that’s nice,” I murmured, not paying attention.

And then I realized what he had just said.

Now hold on a cotton pickin’ minute.

What?

Well, guys, there just went the room.

“Um. Excuse me?” He was going to have to clarify that one.

“I got roped into it, Cor-Cor. I promise,” he wheedled.

“Don’t you dare Cor-Cor me, mister!”

“They want to meet you. They know you’re important to me. It’s not a big deal, right? My family’s pretty cool. Well, Zoe can be a pain in the ass, but just compliment her earrings or something and she’ll be fine.”

Beckett wanted me to meet his family.

I guess we were super-duper serious.

He wanted to introduce me to his mom, dad, and sister.

Me.

Even if the thought of being critiqued and analyzed by his family freaked me out, I was incredibly touched that he wanted to open up his life to me like that.

He was including me in every part of his world.

In that moment my neuroses didn’t matter. My constant anxiety and fears were nonexistent. Because I was swimming right for Beckett.