She had to have been so lonely. I felt angry at the thought of her cutting herself off, hiding herself away. From people. From relationships. From the world.

“But you’re not sick?”

I was still so confused. Was she sick or wasn’t she?

“You could die at any time, Beckett. Your heart could just give out. And that will be it. I didn’t want to take a chance on you. Because I couldn’t watch someone else I cared about die. Because I didn’t want to leave someone behind the way my parents left me.”

Mom was right. Corin had baggage.

Major baggage.

“But you’re not going to die, Corin,” I argued, feeling like I was missing something vital. Something important.

“Of course I am, Beck. I feel it in my bones. I know it’s the truth.”

“Well, shit, Cor, everyone dies at some point. But that doesn’t mean you have to go around waiting for it to happen.” I was feeling myself get frustrated with her defeatist attitude.

She was telling me that she was healthy. That she was fine. But that she had convinced herself that she wasn’t.

That in her head she was dying and there was nothing I, or any doctor, could say to change that.

“I waited for my dad to die. I watched it happen. Do you understand what that’s like?” she yelled, finally looking at me.

“No!” I yelled back. “No, I don’t. I can’t imagine how horrible that was for you!”

Corin started sobbing. Tears fell hard. They fell fast. They coated her skin with a misery she had kept dammed up inside of her for too long.

“You died, Beckett. Your heart is kept beating by a fucking machine in your chest!” She was getting hysterical.

I grabbed her hand and placed it over my chest. Right over my thumping, beating heart.

“Do you feel that, Corin?” I demanded. She tried to look away, but I grabbed her chin and forced her to meet my eyes. “Do you? The steady beat? It’s not stopping. I won’t let it.”

Corin rolled her red puffy eyes. “You have no control over it, Beck. Don’t you get that? Nothing you do will change what could happen.”

I pressed her palm flat over my skin. “What could happen. Could. Possible. Maybe. Not definitely.”

“You are so damn optimistic. It’s irritating,” she muttered, wiping away the tears.

“And you’re a neurotic mess with a boatload of issues.”

Corin’s eyes heated and snapped. I was glad to see it. I had missed her fire.

“Well, tell me how you really feel,” she quipped sarcastically.

I pulled her onto my lap. I wrapped my arms around her waist and ran my nose along her collarbone, kissing the delicate skin. Loving the feel of her against my lips.

Loving her.

“Okay, I will. I love you, Corin Thompson.”

I was pretty sure she stopped breathing. She went rigid. So unbelievably still.

The words had tumbled out. I hadn’t meant to say them but the truth wouldn’t be locked away.

I loved her.

More than I ever thought it possible to love another human being.

She made me laugh.

She made me want to scream.

She made me so incredibly happy.

And so damn sad.

She made me embrace life and live it.

And I wanted to do the same for her.

I kissed her neck. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you,” I murmured against her skin. Corin instantly stiffened.

“You don’t know anything—”

“Shh. Stop it,” I urged her, kissing the underside of her jaw. “What I’m saying is that you’ve been through more than most people. Grief like that scars a person. It changes them. It changed you.”

I twisted her around so that she was straddling me. Her hands were on my chest. Still pressed over my heart.

My constant, beating heart.

“I think that you’re so scared of dying that you’ve forgotten what it’s like to live. You won’t let yourself. But, Cor, I won’t let you do that to yourself. Take it from a man who almost lost everything—you can’t focus on the end. You have to concentrate on what’s right in front of you.”

“I’m not sure that makes any sense,” Corin huffed. I was pushing her. I probably shouldn’t. She was the running sort. There was a chance she’d take off and I’d never be able to catch her.

But it broke my heart to see her self-destruct.

Not when I would do everything in my power to stop her.

I reached up and gently brought her face down to mine. I kissed her. Deep and true. I kissed her with everything I felt for her. For this sad, lonely, sort-of-crazy woman.

“Stop thinking about what could happen later and focus on what’s happening here. Now. With me.” I ran my thumbs along the curves of her cheeks.

“Laugh with me.” I kissed the side of her neck.

“Dance with me.” I pulled her shirt aside and kissed her shoulder.

“Smile with me.” I kissed her temple.

“Love with me.” I ran my hands down her arms and laced my fingers through hers. I leaned in and kissed her mouth. Her lips parted and she let out a little sigh as my tongue found hers. I gripped her hands tightly, holding her. I wanted her to hear me. To listen. And I swallowed her tears. One at a time.

“Live with me,” I pleaded.

“Beck.” She said my name on a sob. She was crying in earnest. Completely undone.

She ran her fingers down the side of my neck, skimming along my collarbone until they found the scar. The slightly raised spot under my skin.

With tears on her lips, she kissed my incision. She lingered. Not long.

But enough.

Making her peace.

When her mouth found mine again, I knew that she was surrendering that last part of herself over to me.

And I would take care of Corin Thompson.

As long as I was able to.

Without another word, I lifted her up, her legs wrapped around my waist, and I carried her down the hallway and into my bedroom.

We never stopped kissing as I laid her down on the bed and I slowly peeled off her shirt. Our mouths only disconnected for the length of time it took to get naked.

Clothes were discarded. Our hearts fell on the floor.

We were exposed.

Open.

For each other.

“Beck,” she whispered, arching her back as I pressed my fingers between her legs. She gave everything. Absolutely everything. And I took all of it greedily.

I loved a trail from her mouth down her body. I took my time on the places that needed me the most. The hollow of her throat. Her pounding, thumping heart. The taut skin just below her belly button.

And when my tongue found the center of her, she cried. She swore. She told me to never stop.

And I wouldn’t. Not for anything.

“Beckett. I need—” She didn’t finish because she didn’t have to. I knew that we both needed the same thing.

I found a condom in the drawer and quickly put it on. She watched me the entire time, heat in her eyes. It made me feel powerful to have her watch me like that.

Confident.

Sure.

When I pushed inside her, I had to stop for a moment. Overcome. It was too much.

I looked down at Corin and felt an intense pressure in the center of my chest that had nothing to do with a failing heart.

And everything to do with it finally finding a reason to beat.

I wanted to tell her that I loved her again.

But I couldn’t get the words out.

I couldn’t say anything at all.

So I loved her silently.

I loved her completely.

I loved her with every tiny part of me.

The words didn’t matter.

The quiet was so much better.

Chapter 21