There were two things I walked away from Europe with. The first is that I absolutely, in at least some life-altering capacity, love Ian Mathers. I love our banter, how he challenges me, how he makes me laugh at the most unexpected times. His taste in movies is suspect, but it’s not about watching the movie itself. It’s about curling up in his hold, kissing his five-o-clock shadow, and reveling in his smart aftershave.

Thinking about those little things tells me again, as I get into the tub, that I love the bastard. I want more moments like those. I want to make love to him. I even want to… dare I say it… submit to him at times.

Ian has transformed me into the switch I never knew I could be. That much is true.

You know what else I want? Of course you know what I want. You’ve probably been yelling, no, screaming at me for weeks now. “Kathryn!” you’re yelling right now, getting ready to reach through whatever you’re reading this on. “Don’t you see? The only way you could be happy with any man, and not just a man like Ian, is if you get to show him who’s boss sometimes!”

That’s right. It’s not enough to spank a woman here and there for his titillation. I can’t live off him knowing I’m a Domme, let alone one who is exclusive to him and can’t take out her controlling frustrations on someone else. Listening to my Domme friends, watching them interact with subs, reminded me of how much I used to enjoy that.

My mind keeps going back to Ian. While he was training me, I was content to indulge in only my forbidden fantasies. Well, now I want to indulge in the really public ones. Push that man down. Tie his hands behind his back so he can’t get grabby. Take his cock to the edge and back. Ride his fucking face, feeling his stubble all over my pussy as I inform that asshole that I am the woman who commands his heart and loins.

That is the source of my frustration. My heartache.

Ian Mathers will never submit to me. I know it like I know I love him.

And now I’ve gotta go back to work. I have to look him in the eye, overcome my feelings for him, and tell him why we would never work.

I’m probably going to have to move after the ball next weekend. Fuck the museum. My dad can do it. I… won’t last another day around Ian. Even though I have to. For now.

Life, right?

***

I check myself in the bathroom mirror one last time before going out into the ballroom.

Blue dress I bought at The Crimson Dove? Check. Diamond clasps in my hair? Check. Minimum makeup with a smack of pink lipstick? Check.

Oh, don’t forget your clutch on the bathroom sink, Kathryn!

I’m not the only woman in here. The women’s restroom in the main hall of the renovated Grand is stuffed with well-to-do women checking their hair and makeup, looking for panty lines beneath their dresses, and gabbing about their dates. While I see a lot of women from my social circles here, I also see some new faces. Rube-type girls trying to blend in with their lower-class dresses and heels that break with too much ease. Their language isn’t that great either.

I assume most of them are escorts, paid for by men who were in need of a date for the evening. The way they gather around one end of the sink and mutter about Johns… ahahaha.

There is one woman who pops up beside me, however, who is neither escort nor high society. She’s both.

“I was hoping I would see you here.” Judith, dressed in a sexy black number, black pumps, and with hair as big as her tall body, appears with a smile in the mirror. “I had heard you jetted out of the country.”

My lipstick almost falls into the sink. “You…”

“Am both working and having fun.” She winks. “My patron brought me as a date. Sorry. I’m unavailable tonight.”

She’s joking, but I can sense she’s intrigued by me. I should hope so. She only got half the usual effort in the Kathryn Special when I rubbed her clit and spanked her ass at the Château. Not a bad first run with a woman, if I do say so myself.

Something I pretty much did for Ian. I sigh.

“Was hoping to see you up in the mountains again. You and your charming boyfriend.”

I can’t tell if she’s making small talk or genuinely missing my touch. Is it the same way I miss Ian’s touch right now? I don’t know. Eva would know about lesbian sin better than me.

“He’s not really my boyfriend.” I lower my voice as two women walk by, leaving the bathroom. “We’re on break, anyway.”

“Aw. You’re a hot couple. Can only imagine what it’s like when a Dom and a Domme collide. More than sparks flying, right?”

“You could say that.”

“I am saying that.” Judith turns, leaning against the sink as she watches me pat down errant hairs on my scalp. “If you hadn’t kicked me out of my own room… well, only reason I let you do that is because y’all paid me such a nice tip to fuck on my bed. Was a shame to change those linens the next day. I had to sleep in a guest room.”

I’d feel for her plight, but I highly doubt Ian and I were hardly the only ones to ever do that. “Our relationship is complicated.”

“Totally! You know, it’s not nice to gossip behind someone’s back, but you two were the topic du jour for a few days around the place. Me and another girl got into a heated discussion about whether a Dom and a Domme could really have a functioning relationship. We figured they’d either have to be poly and get their kicks elsewhere, or be switches like the Andrews.”

She looks at me, waiting for me to confirm one or the other.

“I wish it were that simple.”

“Nothing about love and sex ever is, right?” Judith steps away, waving a hand in my direction. “I’ve gotta go. Ol’ man is waiting for me. Says something about wanting a dance while the night is still young. Try to enjoy yourself.”

The bathroom door swings shut, and I’m alone on my end of the sink. Before the silence can get to me, I grab my clutch and vacate.

The Grand has come a long way from the sheet-covered spectacle it was months ago. The Mathers and their subcontractors did an amazing job transforming it so quickly, and without compromising quality. That means they paid a hefty sum for it. I hope they had the funds to cover it.

Haha, who am I kidding? They’re richer than my family!

I’m rather late to the party, so people are already dancing and mingling. People dressed in the uniform the Mathers picked out for the employees make the rounds with trays full of champagne. I grab a glass and look for my father, currently talking to Dominic Mathers.

“What a fantastic display of ingenuity and historical accuracy,” my father says, cheeks flushed from too much champagne already. “I’m impressed you made it this far, and on such short notice.”

Dominic smiles, but there’s something hollow about it. Maybe he’s turning into his son, wherever he is.

Yeah, he’s turning into Ian. Because here comes Stephanie May, sashaying in a pearly-white gown and up-do.

“Kathryn,” she says, lips dripping with venom. “So nice to see you. I heard you went on a trip… I hope it was nice. That would explain why I haven’t made contact with you recently.”

Fuck her. She’s talking about the fact I haven’t paid her off this month. I would have arranged it while I was gone, but Caroline was insistent that she would “take care of it.” So far, nothing seems to have been taken care of.

“It’s nice seeing you too.” I turn to my father, avoiding both Stephanie and Dominic’s gaze. “Daddy, you should try the wine they have around here. I sampled the same brand in Germany, and it was divine.” Finally, I glance at Dominic, a sour smile on my face. “You have good taste, Mr. Mathers.”

“Oh, I didn’t select that. Ian did.”

“Of course he did.”

“If you see that bugger, let him know he needs to dance with someone before I throw Stephanie into his arms.”