No, what happened was she started dating Jay Spader out of nowhere. Everyone knew he was a hardcore Dom. More hardcore than Ian. That man wanted a life of domination and submission. Normally we wouldn’t bat an eyelash, but the fact Helena volunteered to be his Monica Graham sent more than a few ripples in the group of Dommes I know.

I don’t go into these details with Ian, however. He needs to understand what I’m possibly giving up. Like a social life. Business dealings.

For what? Love?

How much do I really love this guy?

“Your apprehension is noted,” Ian says. “Don’t get me wrong, Kathryn. I would want to do it right. I want to debut you properly as my permanent sub.”

“Your permanent sub… you may have opened a little black box and asked me to marry you, but instead of a ring, it’s a tangle of thorns.”

“I mean my permanent sub in the sense that you’re the only woman I Top, not that you’re a full-time sub now. Please, I know how much you’ve enjoyed our times together.”

I purse my lips. “That’s neither here nor there. I wouldn’t have kept up my training if I didn’t enjoy it.” Before he can interrupt, I continue, “You’re asking me to dedicate my life to being a switch. What are you giving me in return?”

Don’t let him know how much you want that, Kathryn. Don’t let him see your knees shaking and your loins aching to have him fuck you, hard and rough, his hand pulling your hair and his mouth telling you what you are.

His.

“I’ll give you a night, Kathryn.” His hands fold on the table. Is he even eating anything tonight? “A night of me doing whatever you want. You want me on my knees like I’ve had you on your knees? Fine. One night. That night will give you the bragging rights of being the only person in this world who will ever dominate this man.”

It should be music to my ears.

It isn’t.

“That’s not good enough.” I drop my utensils, my handkerchief, half of my honor. “I’m not taking some half-hearted sub to bed, Ian Mathers.” The chair screeches as I stand, forcing him to behold my form in candlelight. I am a goddess. He is a mere boy. He should be quaking in his leather shoes to be in my presence, fighting with this table to get to me and begging my feet to worship who I am.

“Fine. I’ll give you bragging rights,” doesn’t come anywhere close.

“If you want me to give myself to you, Mathers, then you need to fully give yourself to me. Not just your body, but your cold, ragged little heart. Oh, and that deliciously pitiful ego of yours. I am going to devour it.”

He opens his mouth.

“No, no. I do not belong to you until you belong to me. You must know that.” I pick up my purse. “If you want me to switch, then you need to switch too, my sweet. Let me tell you, too…” I flash my evilest smile at him. “Like you saw potential in me to serve… I see it in you too. Don’t let fear get in your way, Ian. If you want this… if you want me… then you’ll really come to me like I went to you. Think about it. We could be a formidable team.”

I leave. Not angry. Not bitter. Simply amazed that I had this much of a backbone around him. Usually I am fighting back my inclination to defer to him. I would do anything, and all that. But now, even though I am certainly fantasizing about hopping in his lap and riding him until I come three times, I can hold back.

He will come to me.

Chapter 23

IAN

I’m tipsy as fucking hell in The Dark Hour, one day after Kathryn’s spine-chilling ultimatum.

“Tipsy” is an important designation, because it’s dangerous to be drunk, as much as I want to be. Trust me. I want to down a few hard drinks and be an ass to anyone who crosses my path. I’ve got a chip on my shoulder and no way to safely get rid of it.

“Another round for my friend here,” James says, motioning to my empty glass. “He’s having women troubles. It’s only right we get him drunk.”

Yes. Women troubles. That’s what I told James when he agreed to meet me here tonight. Women troubles.

Troubles with Kathryn, the Domme who won’t let me take her unless she takes me first.

All around us are Doms and their gorgeous subs. Some women are rail thin, others are what we would politely call curvy or a big beautiful woman. They’re all glowing. Whether they wear leather, lingerie, or cute cocktail dresses, they only have hungry eyes for their Doms, the lucky men so in love with them.

They kiss. They slap ass. They curl up together in chairs and on couches. Some whisper naughty things into each other’s ears and slink off to private rooms for fun and games. Others spoil the rest of us with free shows, including but not limited to fingering pussy and blowing cock in front of God and all his sinful folk.

There’s one guy with a blond sub. Blowing him. I can’t help but imagine Kathryn doing that for me.

“So, tell me what’s happening with this lady friend of yours,” James says, slapping a card on the table between us. We’re playing a rousing game of War. Not much else to do with only two people. “I didn’t even know you were seriously seeing somebody.”

I produce a two while he beats me with a four. Doesn’t make me feel like the alpha boss of the room. “It was a secret. This woman isn’t someone big on being seen with me like that.”

James looks up at me. “Would this hot lady happen to be named Kathryn Alison?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Only a little. Gwen and I suspected as much. Plus, last time we were here, I heard the Andrews murmuring about you two. Wasn’t sure how true it was.”

I sigh, beating his ten with a Jack.

“So… how does that work out between you two?”

“You mean me dating a Domme?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Do you really want to know?”

What a cheeky ass grin. Is this how I look to Kathryn half the time?

Nevertheless, I mumble a detail or two about my relationship with Kathryn. I leave out a lot of details, but leave in how she was submitting to me until it got to her.

Even above the pulsing rhythm of the club music, I hear James whistle nice and high. “Some would say you are living the dream. Know how many men wish they could pin down a Domme and make her beg for a change?”

I wince. “Imagine how many of them think the same thing about us.”

“Hey, I don’t doubt it. Everything is a power play in love and war. Especially kink.”

We both put down a five and draw more cards. I win the pot with a seven to his three. “You ever done it before? Submit to a woman?”

A card falls out of James’s hand. “Noooooo, I have not. Never even thought about it. Although…” The card, a four, twists back and forth in his hand. “I told you about Austin, right?”

I laugh. “One too many drinks and a man named Stone.” James didn’t tell me about his gay experimentation until we knew each other a good five years or so. And then he only told me when he was so plastered he didn’t know what was coming out of his mouth. Don’t blame him. A lot of guys around here would probably turn their noses. Not me. Who cares what a man does with another man. We’ve got enough gay Doms as it is – people can get over themselves.

Also, Eva. Though sometimes I think she’s more serial killer than human.

“Anyway, that guy was definitely a Dom. And yours truly was so high on life that he was going to do whatever the other guy wanted. Use your imagination from there.”

“Oh, I have.”

“It wasn’t bad. The submitting, that is. That was to a man, you know? Shit, doing that with a woman is totally different. I would only consider that if…” He stops, shaking his head.

“No, what?”

“Well… if I were in love with her. And since I have Gwenny, I doubt that will happen.”