I grit my teeth. “How so?”

“He needs a woman from our world, truth be told. He likes spoiling women, but at the end of the day, he doesn’t understand what it means to be a girl who knows what poverty is. He doesn’t have the patience for that mindset. You come from many means, but you’re not snobby about it. You know I love you for the social work you do.”

“Thanks.”

“He also needs a woman who will challenge him intellectually and not put up with his shit. He thinks he’s happy with the pretty tarts, but what he needs is a pretty, uh, non-tart.”

I can’t believe this conversation is happening.

“Look, Kathryn, dear, I’ve been thinking a lot about this ever since seeing you two working. Plus, may I say that you two are mighty handsome together? Between that newscast earlier today and the presentation a while ago… look, I’m not the type of woman to crow about grandbabies, but I have to admit I… oh, I’m embarrassing you!”

“Not really.” I can’t keep my lip from twitching. Ian and me. Having kids. I don’t fucking think so. They would have to take it up with my IUD first. “This is an unexpected visit, however. Please don’t tell me you’ve told Ian these ideas. I already work with the man.”

“Goodness, no. I like to tease you two, but I have no intention of making your lives utter hell. I suppose this is all a result of… well, dear, I hate to bring out the TMI, but I got official word from my doctor that I’m going through the change and… it’s worse than puberty in terms of the hormones.”

“I see.” Great. So Caroline is starting menopause, and I’m the first casualty.

“I’m worried about my son. Forgive me, Kathryn, for being so nosy and meddling. You’re a good girl. A good woman. The kind of woman an aging bitty like me would like to see keep her son grounded when she can’t anymore.”

It’s like a stab to my heart. Not because I think Ian is incompetent, but because I like Caroline, and seeing her fret like this is not only so unlike her, but reminds me that anything can happen to our psyche as we age and face unpleasant facts. No, Caroline isn’t anywhere near death that I know of, but I can imagine starting menopause is a harsh reminder of one’s mortality.

“Well…” I look away, blushing. No woman wants to admit in front of another that she’s fucking her son.

Not that I have to admit it.

But…

“Ian and I are fairly good friends,” I finally continue. “I wouldn’t worry about him. I have my ways of keeping him in line.” The flash of a smile on my face is almost genuine.

“My dear… what exactly does ‘good friends’ mean?”

The smile falls off my face. “Excuse me?”

“I knew it.” She puts the coffee down and stands, shuffling toward me, like a multi-colored ghost wafting toward another soul. “Please don’t deny it, Kathryn! I’ve seen the way my son looks at you these days. A mother knows!”

Her giddiness would be sweet if it weren’t for one painful fact – it won’t work between us. “I don’t know what you’re getting at.”

“Stop playing coy. It’s not a good look on you.” Caroline sniffs and puts her hand on my shoulder. “You and Ian are seeing each other… aren’t you?”

I’m looking into this woman’s glistening eyes, full of hope and encouragement. Fuck me. In the realm of the world, I couldn’t do much better than Caroline for a mother-in-law of some sort. God knows she’s more of a mother to me than my own.

“I…”

“Dominic told me anyway! Stop hiding it!”

Adrenaline courses through my veins. I’m not scared. I swear! “What?”

“He told me the other night that Ian told him about you two playing some come-hither game. Now either my son is a dirty liar who needs a talking to about protecting a woman’s reputation, or you’re not being forthcoming with me. Either option is not pleasant!”

Now’s the time for me to show some maturity. Come on, Kathryn. She clearly knows. I’m not happy that she knows – let alone that Ian is blabbing to a bigger blabbermouth like his father or mother – but it can’t be helped. If I keep denying it or pretending that I don’t know what she’s talking about, I’m just going to make things harder for myself. Plus, it sounds like I’m ashamed, and I hardly am.

“All right, but it’s casual.”

A smile as bright as the sunlight pouring through the window behind me lights up Caroline’s cheekbones. “Oh, it’s time for me to start going back to church, because my prayers have been answered.” She bends down and kisses me on the cheek, like we’re suddenly legal family. “A smart girl like you with my boy? Why, I…”

“I said it’s casual.” Why won’t people believe this?

“Yes, yes, casual for now, but…”

“Caroline!” I leap up, not intending to get in her face, but hey, she got in mine so it’s only fair. “Your son and I are so fundamentally different that it could never be anything but casual. We’re… together… for now, but only until we find better partners that are more suitable.” That’s what I believe, anyway. “I don’t want to get into the details with my lover’s mother. Trust me when I say that it’s casual, and it has to stay that way.”

“But Kathryn…”

“No, no. Listen, I like you. I like your son well enough. I have nothing against your family or the idea of being a more formal part of your lives one day. Who knows? Maybe he’ll drag me to a dinner now that he’s let it slip to both of his parents that we’re fooling around, but we’re not getting married. We are definitely not having babies. We’ll be lucky to make it more than a few weeks at this rate. Please don’t put any pressure on a relationship that probably shouldn’t be happening anyway.”

She looks as if I told her that Ian’s dead. No, just our potential love. Not that I want to ever call it that.

“I’m sorry, Kathryn,” she finally says. “I’ve overstepped my bounds. Please forgive me.”

She takes her leave of my apartment. If she had a tail, it might be tucked between her legs. I feel bad. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. She’s being a mother who is excited her only son is supposedly making a good girlfriend choice. In any other circumstance, I would be pleased to know that my boyfriend’s mother thought so highly of me. God knows I’ve heard the horror stories, especially in my family’s social circle.

Except I can’t let people think that Ian and I are anything serious. It’s too complicated to explain, and so few people would understand what’s going on.

I can’t even tell Eva, who I catch standing in my room dropping eaves, that I want Ian Mathers to “train” me to indulge in my latent submissive tendencies.

This is the type of secret I can’t stand keeping. Yet I have to, for my sake, and his.

For the sake of my heart, which feels a little broken.

I don’t know why.

Chapter 9

IAN

These meetings are going to be the death of me. Death by boredom. Even with Kathryn sitting next to me, looking like a yellow diamond sparkling in the harsh ultraviolet lights.

It’s Wednesday. Do you know what that means?

Her pencil keeps tapping against the table, to the point I’ve had to covertly reach over and stifle the sounds with my hand multiple times. Each time she blushes. Any other day and she wouldn’t blush, but she knows what’s happening tonight.

Tonight, we will begin her training.

My mind is at odds with my body. My mind knows that this is more about her needs and wants than my own. Yet my body is so hot to the idea of bending her over, tying her hands behind her back, and making her scream the word master that I’ve been hiding a hard-on all day.

Fuck her. Fuck me.

I’m sure we’ll get around to it today.