Greyson: Don’t abuse it. Tell her what you need to tell her, then leave her alone.

Collin: Me? Abuse it? It pains me that you would say that. Like I would abuse her privacy like that…

Greyson: You WOULD do that.

Collin: Yeah, I totally would, but only because I have no boundaries—but not in a weird way.

Greyson: I’m confused. What other way is there?

Collin: Oh gee, let me think—inventing a fake boyfriend and blasting it on Twitter like some “other people” I know. That’s the other way.

Greyson: Sometimes I wish I was an only child.

To: tabtomcat@tthompsoninc.gm

From: CollinKell59@ztindustries.corp

Subject: Thank You

Tabitha, thanks for coming with Cal and Greyson to my housewarming party last night. I hope you enjoyed yourself. Thank you for the bottle of wine. Just a quick note: I have a book that I think belongs to you. Actually, I know it does because you left it at Blooming Grounds and I’m just now getting around to letting you know. Let me know how best to return it to you.

CK

To: CollinKell59@ztindustries.corp

From: tabtomcat@tthompsoninc.gm

Subject: ??

Collin. I’m confused. How did you end up with it? I knew I misplaced it, but it never would have occurred to me that you had it since I was just at your house. So now I’m wondering, why didn’t you give it back to me then??? I’m sure you’ve guessed by now that it’s important. Would it be an inconvenience for you to pop it in the mail as soon as possible?

Tabitha Thompson

To: tabtomcat@tthompsoninc.gm

From: CollinKell59@ztindustries.corp

Subject: No can do.

Tabitha, to answer your question, you dropped the book at Blooming Grounds. During your tizzy. And unfortunately, mailing the book won’t work for me. Want to meet somewhere? I don’t mind getting it to you in person.

CK

To: CollinKell59@ztindustries.corp

From: tabtomcat@tthompsoninc.gm

Subject: I wouldn’t want to impose.

Collin. That’s a very generous offer, but to save you trouble, again, why not just pop it in the mail? I’ll gladly pay the shipping.

Tabitha Thompson

To: tabtomcat@tthompsoninc.gm

From: CollinKell59@ztindustries.corp

Subject: No big deal

Tabitha, I can assure you, it would be no imposition. How does 5:30 on Thursday night sound? After work? Does Finches Tap House sound good to you? It’s on the corner of Rayburn and Division. CK

To: CollinKell59@ztindustries.corp

From: tabtomcat@tthompsoninc.gm

Subject: Sounds good

Collin. Yes, I know where that is.

You’re going to force me to see you… aren’t you?

To: tabtomcat@tthompsoninc.gm

From: CollinKell59@ztindustries.corp

Subject: It’s a date.

We’re on for 5:30. Can’t wait.

CK

To: CollinKell59@ztindustries.corp

From: tabtomcat@tthompsoninc.gm

Subject: Fine.

It’s not a date.

Tabitha: Collin, it’s Tabitha Thompson. I hope it’s okay that I asked Greyson for your cell. I wanted to let you know that I’m no longer available to meet Thursday.

Collin: Not to be rude, but you are full of shit.

Tabitha: Why on earth would I lie?

Collin: I can think of a couple reasons. 1) because you’re embarrassed I witnessed your tantrum at the store, and 2) because you write dirty, dirty books…

Tabitha: They are NOT dirty books!

Collin: Not dirty? What about this part: “And when he stroked my inner thigh, my body quivered and started on fire, igniting my core.” What the hell is a core, by the way?

Tabitha: STOP! Just stop. I get the picture. Fine, they’re dirty books. Big deal. And anyway, I have a work thing on Thursday I forgot about.

Collin: “A work thing.” Has anyone told you you’re a terrible liar?

Tabitha: I honestly CANNOT meet with you on Thursday. Can you just send my book in the mail? Please.

Collin: That makes no sense. We live in the same city. Besides, how is that any fun?

Tabitha : Fun? I’m not looking for fun. I just want my book back! I’m sure you’ve noticed it contains notes. It’s valuable. The sooner you send it back the better.

Collin: Too bad. I’m not sending it in the mail. You have to meet me, or you’ll never hold it in your greedy hands again.

Tabitha: That’s blackmail!

Collin: No, it’s extortion.

Tabitha: Um no… it’s blackmail.

Collin: Semantics. Text me when you’re ready to negotiate.

Tabitha: That will NEVER happen. NEVER!!!!

Tabitha: Okay, fine. What’s it going to take?

Collin: Wow, you held out an entire twenty minutes. I expected more resistance from you, quite honestly. This must be driving you crazy, huh?

Tabitha: You have no idea.

Collin: Oh, I have an idea.

Tabitha : Could you please just mail it? Please. I’m asking nicely.

Collin: Actually, that sounds more like begging.

Tabitha: You’re bordering on obnoxious.

Collin: Calling me names isn’t going to convince me.

Tabitha:…and by ‘obnoxious’ I meant adorable?

Collin:Fine, I’ll think about it.

Tabitha : Really?!

Collin: No.

To: CollinKell59@ztindustries.corp

From: tabtomcat@tthompsoninc.gm

Subject: Clearing the air.

Collin. So, I’ve been wanting to clear the air since we last met, but have been too nervous. And embarrassed. I never did apologize for what happened when I saw you and Greyson at the store and jumped to conclusions. And for being weird at the coffee shop. And avoiding you at your housewarming party. Wow. Putting it into words really looks… terrible. Yikes! It was all very childish. I’m sorry. Tabitha

To: tabtomcat@tthompsoninc.gm

From: CollinKell59@ztindustries.corp

Subject: Possession is 9/10th of the Law

If you’re trying to get me to change my mind by apologizing, it won’t work. Nice try though. Seriously, your mild effort only mildly warms my heart. This reminds me of the time I nailed my sister in the face with a football and the force knocked her flat on the ass. I apologized, but only because my parents made me. And Greyson knew I only said sorry to get myself out of trouble. It worked on my parents, but it won’t work on me. You can sweet-talk me all you want, but this book is now in a hostage situation. I shall enjoy reading it again and again and again, while thinking of you the entire time.