Subject: Evil Mastermind

Grey. Yes, everyone will be there. My parents are Equal Opportunity Sadists. But Tabby (aka: the smart one in this case) will throw a fit at some point and pick a fight so my mom yells and kicks her out of the yard. IT’S SO UNFAIR. She’s a genius. - Cal

To: cal.thompson04@smu.il.edu

From: grevkeller0143@state.edu

Subject: Why should Tabitha have all the fun?

Calvin,

Maybe you should beat her to it. Where are you from originally, anyway? I don’t think we’ve ever talked about it. My parents moved this summer from Lake Walton to another little lake community just south called Six Rivers. It’s also a resort town, but there’s tons to do there, which is a nice change. Lake Walton was pretty small—the closest Target was a day trip. Grey

Cal: You did NOT say Six Rivers.

Grey: Yes, why?

Cal: Take a wild guess.

Grey: SHUT UP. No way.

Cal: Yes way. Well, next town over. 20 minutes on a bad day.

Grey: There is NO WAY you live near where I live.

Grey: You know what this means, don’t you?!

Cal: That we can be best friends and do karate in the garage?

Grey: *crickets* That made absolutely no sense.

Cal: Never mind. It’s from a movie. LOL. Tell me what you were going to say before when you said, “You know what this means, don’t you?” and I so rudely made a movie reference.

Grey: Well, besides you being hopelessly clueless, this means we can be buddies during summer and the holidays and hang out! We can have drinks at that bar near the lake.

Cal: Sully’s on the Lake? It’s not near the lake, it’s ON the lake. LOL

Grey: See. This is why we need to hang out when we’re home.

Cal: What are the odds?

Grey: It’s fate.

Cal: Oh…. boy.

Grey: You can show me the sights. We can float on the lake.

Cal: Did you say FLOAT on the lake?

Grey: Yeah, you know, on rafts?

Cal: Ah, okay. So, literally floating. Will this floating require bathing suits?

Grey: Not necessarily.

Cal: Are you flirting with me?

Grey: I think it’s really sad you can’t tell when a girl is flirting with you. But since you asked, I wouldn’t dare. Remember the last time I tried that? #epicfail #sexybeast #angrycalvin

Cal: Fine. But in my defense, no one has ever called me sexy. I thought you were being a bitch.

Grey: You are LYING. How is that possible?

Cal: Which part? The sexy part or the bitch part?

Grey: You are getting sexier and sexier by the day. Sorry, but it’s true. Time to accept the facts.

To: grevkeller0143@state.edu

From: cal.thompson04@smu.il.edu

Subject: Warning! Warning!

Grey. As I suspected, my mom drove us nuts over the weekend with her demands. The woman is obsessed with mulching. And, as I predicted, Tabby picked a fight and Mom kicked her out of the yard. The brat winked at me as she fake stormed off. I can’t freaking believe my mom still falls for that bullshit. The good news is, all I had to do was drive the bobcat while my dad raked leaves into the shovel. What can I say about Sunday? For starters, my damn sister tricked me into telling her about you. I don’t know how she figured it out, but I must have been checking my phone about a hundred times—just in case you decided to send a message—and she caught me. When she tried stealing my phone and I pitched a bitch fit instead of letting her take it, she knew there was shit on here I didn’t want her to see. Boy, was she a pain in my ass. The entire day she tried to steal my phone. Wanting to see pictures of you. Asking a shit ton of annoying questions. If you get a friend request from Tabitha Thompson, would you do me a huge favor and DELETE IT?

What did you do this weekend? - Cal

To: cal.thompson04@smu.il.edu

From: grevkeller0143@state.edu

Subject: I consider creeping research.

Calvin,

In fact, I DID get a friend request from a Tabitha Thompson! LOL. No worries, I haven’t decided what to do about it yet. I did sneak onto her page, though. She looks awesome. Very beautiful. My objective, of course, was to find pictures of you. Très stalkerish of me, wouldn’t you say? Whatever. I got all giddy and girly over a few—the one of you in a tux for your senior prom? OMG. So handsome. And the one of you with your childhood dog? Must say, Calvin, I have something of a crush on you. I can admit that, right, now that we’re pen pals? Grey

To: grevkeller0143@state.edu

From: cal.thompson04@smu.il.edu

Subject: Creeping, lurking = Same thing

Grey. Not surprised that you were lurking on my sister’s pics. That picture of me with the dog? Brownie, his name was—he was the shit. Cried like a baby when my parents put him to sleep. I don’t even want to know if you saw the picture of me snuggling Sparkles, the kitty cat I had when I was 3. Tabby posted that one last year for my birthday, that rude bitch. Shit. That was a joke. I would never call her that to her face; she’d scratch my eyes out. My sister, not the cat. – Cal

Cal: By the way, I’ve decided I will allow you to have a crush on me.

Grey: How magnanimous of you.

Cal: You’re welcome.

Grey: You ass.

Cal: Speaking of asses, yours is incredible.

Grey: Well, aren’t you just full of compliments today! I’ve got one for you: I could stare at your firm, tight ass in those rugby spandex all day long.

Cal: Holy shit, that is NOT what I was expecting you to say.

Grey: Why?

Cal: Because you’re classy.

Grey: Maybe, but I also have eyes. And hormones. I can’t say you have a firm, tight ass? Okay, fine. Can we at least talk about your buff arms? DROOL.

Cal: NO! Maybe. Okay, fine.

Grey: *pouting* I want to talk about your tattoos.

Cal: Thank god you’re an hour away, because I can’t spend the whole night jerking off—

Cal: Shit, I did NOT mean to send that.

Cal: Ugh. It didn’t even make any sense.

Cal: Greyson, fucking say something!

Grey: Shush. Shhhh. Shhh. I’m not done visualizing you doing naughty, naughty things to yourself *closes eyes* Also, why did you TYPE it if you didn’t mean to send it? WHAT THE HELL?? LOLOLOL