I nodded, giving my chest a moment to loosen up. I felt as though I teetered on the precipice of rejection, and I needed to steel myself for it. I took a deep breath, released it, and continued. “Yeah. I don’t understand why it has to be one way or the other. You’re the one that wants to put labels on it. Can’t we just have a relationship without defining it?”

“It’s not that simple, Bree. I know you may not understand this because you’ve never had a romantic relationship before.”

“That may be true, but why do I need to have had experience to understand human nature? What we had worked perfectly fine before you decided to overthink everything. That’s your problem, Axel. You think too much,” I said, punctuating my words with a smile.

His head fell against the back of the couch and he let out an exaggerated sigh. “Bree…you’re not understanding.” He lifted his head again, making sure he had my attention before finishing his point. “Things go bad when people don’t think. When they don’t anticipate what could happen before they do something that they shouldn’t.”

After knowing about what had happened with my dad, Axel’s words hit me hard. They made me really listen to him, and think about the entire situation. He was right. Whatever decision we made, it had to be thoroughly thought out.

“Here are the concrete boundaries we have. They aren’t lines in the sand or chalk on a driveway. They won’t disappear or wash away. They aren’t bendable, there aren’t loopholes, and they aren’t to be questioned. I am your teacher—I’m in a position of trust. Teachers are expected to take the responsibilities of the parents when the students are in their care. Having a relationship with you is morally irresponsible. You are still a minor—I don’t care what the law says. You may be legally able to consent to sex, but you aren’t legal to vote, gamble, or drink.” He looked at me knowingly. “And you’re not considered a legal adult until you’re eighteen. So, you’re a minor.

“Those are our brick walls. The things we cannot change. You want to go back to the way things were, except we can’t. And here’s why: We were both under the impression that our friendship was innocent, meaning we saw each other as regular people, no impure thoughts, no indecent expectations, just another person to pass the time with. Our conversations remained clean because neither one of us wanted to be rejected or lectured for saying something inappropriate. But now you know how I feel, and I know how you feel. There’s nothing to stop us from fantasizing about each other, or discussing those thoughts. And it’s a very small step between words and actions.” His voice had grown strained toward the end, sounding as though it was hard for him to finish.

“We’d just have to make up some rules. Such as no talking about that kind of stuff. We’ll keep it clean. If we don’t talk about it, then the distance between words and actions is irrelevant.”

He shook his head in quick jerks, running his hands over the back of his neck. “Like I said, it was easy before because neither of us knew where the other stood. Had I randomly told you one night on the phone how badly I wanted to kiss you, what would you have done? Probably freaked out, gone silent, or made some excuse to hang up. I never said anything because I didn’t want to take that chance. But that’s all changed, because now, I know how you feel. So I have nothing to keep me from saying that to you.”

“You know I have feelings for you, not that I want to kiss you. Don’t assume that because I care about you as more than a friend, it means I want to jump into bed with you. Don’t assume I want to kiss you, or be affectionate with you. That should be what holds you back from saying anything inappropriate.”

He held my gaze, strong and steady, as if calling my bluff. “Okay, fine. Maybe that’ll hold me off from saying it to you. But now that you know how badly I want to kiss you, what will happen when you want the same thing? What will stop you from saying it to me?”

“I don’t know how badly you want to kiss me. You’ve never told me that. You asked a hypothetical question about a theoretical confession. So that would be what would stop me from saying anything.” My heartbeat raced, nearly making me lightheaded, and I prayed he couldn’t hear it in my voice.

He leaned forward until he sat at the edge of the cushion, as close to me as he possibly could without getting off the couch. His dark lashes lowered slightly, giving his intense stare a sultry kind of feel, and freezing me in place. I couldn’t back up or move away if I’d wanted to. His tongue peeked out and slowly, seductively, moistened his lips. “Ever since that evening at the library, I’ve wondered what your lips would feel like on mine. I’ve imagined in vivid detail how your tongue would taste in my mouth. And I’ve gone to sleep nearly every night, dreaming about what sound you’d make when your lips part, that intake of air right before opening your mouth for me.”

All the oxygen in the room vanished and I felt flushed. My cheeks were feverish, my lungs ached from too much panting, and my limbs tingled. A tight, fiery knot burned low in my belly, and I squeezed my thighs together in the hopes of relieving the throbbing sensation in my groin that matched the beats of my racing heart.

“Now answer my question again,” he said in the same hypnotic tone he’d used when detailing his thoughts about kissing me.

“I have no idea what the question was.” I sounded out of breath, and I wanted to kick myself for being unable to gather my thoughts and come up with a good retort.

His face lit up with a bright smile as he did his soft laugh and headshake thing again. It’d been so long since I’d seen him do it, that it sent a warming comfort through my body. Then he settled back into the couch again, seemingly relaxed, despite our fiery conversation. “I asked, what’s going to stop you from engaging me in a conversation that could test the boundaries we have set in place?”

Frustrated, I balled my hands into fists at my sides and groaned. “You’re making this harder than it has to be, Axel. Think about who you’re talking to for a moment. Take a step back, and look at us for who we are. We aren’t the typical guy and girl with feelings for each other. Take a look at me. You already know I’ve never been in a relationship. What do you think that means? It means I’ve never kissed anyone, and if I haven’t done that, it should come as no surprise that I’m a virgin.” I’d been so wrapped up in my irritation and explanation that my words didn’t register until after they’d left my lips. Embarrassment flooded me until it left me unable to do anything other than open and close my mouth like a fish on land.

“You’re right, that doesn’t come as a shock to me. But it also doesn’t mean anything, either. You think virgins can’t lose themselves in the heat of the moment? Or that just because you’ve never been touched means you have no desire to be?”

“That’s not what I meant. Of course I don’t believe that. I have hormones just like any other girl, virgin or not. But what you’re not understanding, is that I’m not like any other girl.”

“I do understand that, Bree. That’s what hooked me first.”

My shoulders relaxed and my fists loosened at his caring words, his husky tone. “What I’m trying to say is…it doesn’t matter if I want to kiss you or not. I’m not the kind of girl that will talk about it. I’m too shy and uncomfortable to say things like that to you—or anyone.”

“And what I’m saying is…what happens when you are comfortable enough to admit it? I get your argument. I see your points, but you’re not hearing me. You’re the one that said to take a step back and look at this for what it is. Now I’m telling you to take a step back and look a little bit further down the road. You won’t always be uncomfortable telling me how you feel or what you want. You won’t always be shy around me. What happens then?”