Whatever happened to the woman who’d said she’d never let herself say yes to Lee Cross?

She forgot to use her brain, that’s what. The more minutes that passed, the angrier I became. At some point I saw Jennings stride out of the garage, a face like thunder, and several members of the search team left with her. Only a few remained, and I took the opportunity to go and find Lee. He was standing in a back corridor of the building, one side of which led to a break room and the other to a bathroom. He had his back to me as he and Stu spoke in hushed tones. Looking behind me to make sure none of my colleagues were nearby, I grabbed Lee’s arm and yanked him inside the bathroom before he could react.

“Hey!” Stu yelled as I slammed the door shut and flicked over the lock.

“What the fuck?” Lee swore, his expression furious.

I took a step toward him. “Don’t look at me like that. I know what you did.”

He cocked an eyebrow and splayed his arms out. “Oh, yeah, and what’s that?”

“You took advantage of me, that’s what. You weren’t asleep this morning when Tony called, were you? You bloody well heard everything.”

Lee didn’t answer, just stared at me stonily. I let out a crazed laugh and placed my hands on my hips as I peered up at the ceiling. “God, how could I have been so stupid?” Suddenly, hurt began to mix in with my anger, a sharp pang shooting through my chest. “You and your brothers have probably been laughing at me all this time, laughing at the dumb cop who couldn’t see through your act.”

“You’re wrong,” Lee said firmly.

“Oh, yeah? Explain it, then.”

His expression softened by the tiniest fraction as he stepped closer. “I can’t do this right now, Karla. I’ll come over to yours later and we’ll talk, okay?”

His response made my temper flare as I pressed both hands to his chest and pushed him back. “You’ll do no such thing. I don’t want to see you after this, not ever. You’re just a little boy playing around with fire, only I’m the one who got burned.”

Before I could pull away, Lee caught my wrists, yanking my body to his as he glared down at me. “I was never a boy, not in this life. Even when I was a kid, I didn’t feel like one, so don’t give me that. And do you know how much I was willing you to say something this morning? Anything. But you didn’t breathe a word. Not one fucking word. I should’ve known you didn’t really give a shit about me after what happened with Liam. But no, I didn’t listen to my gut, I just let my cock lead me, thinking you were perfect. That makes me the stupid one, not you.”

His words cut me deep and I pulled at his grip, but he held me too tightly and I couldn’t break free. “Don’t you dare try turning this around.”

“Why not?” he asked, his warm breath hitting my cheeks. “Yes, I listened to your phone call, but you were going to let me walk out of your flat completely oblivious to the fact that I was about to be fucked over. You know this isn’t the life I’d choose if there’d been another option, yet you were going to let me go to prison, Karla. Let that sink in for a minute. It killed me when you didn’t say anything, and I waited. I gave you every opportunity.”

The hurt in his eyes was plain as day, and the wind went right out of my sails. “I wanted to tell you,” I whispered. “But I just…I just couldn’t.”

“Of course you couldn’t, because you care more about being a cop and saving all the people you perceive as innocent than you’ll ever care about me. You’ll never see that the world isn’t all black and white.” Anger and anguish mixed in his voice as it cracked around the edges, catching. “Sometimes the innocent ones are guilty only because the world didn’t give them a chance to stay innocent. Maybe I’m the one you should think about saving.”

Right in that moment my gut sank. His anger was too sad to be angry at in return, and for a second all I saw was a hurt little boy. When I spoke, I kept my voice gentle. “I’ve tried talking to you about going clean, but you won’t hear a word of it.”

His mouth twisted as he gestured around us. “Because I’m in too fucking deep, I told you that!”

“I can help you. There are things we can look into, procedures.”

Lee laughed harshly, shaking his head, “God, look at you, still a fucking cop. Always a fucking cop. Can you just be on my side for one bloody second?”

Any tenderness in my voice vanished, and my expression hardened. “I was a cop long before I met you, Lee, and I’ve barely even scratched the surface of knowing who you are, so how can you expect loyalty when it hasn’t been earned?”

He bent his head to look me directly in the eye, his lips mere centimetres from mine. “Don’t pretend like you can’t feel what’s between us.” He paused, his voice dropping low. “I’ve been deep inside you, Karla. I know who you are and you know who I am. You’re just too scared to admit it.”

I shook my head, refusing to listen to him rationalise so irrationally. “Lee, we need to be smart. This thing we’re doing is going to destroy us. Look what’s happened already. I love being with you, but all this” — I peered at him despairingly — “it’s not worth it.”

He shook his head. “You don’t believe that.”

“I do. I believe it. I’m not going to tell you how to live your life, but so long as it stays the same, we can’t be together. I’m sorry.”

I took a step back and he let me go. Tears prickled at my eyes, but I refused to let them fall, not wanting to look weak. Lee’s features turned hard, his eyes thin slices of blue. We stared at each other for a long time, until the tension in the small room became unbearable.

“I have to go,” I said, turning on my heel and unlocking the door. Stepping out into the hallway, I found it was empty, the garage quiet now that most of the search team had left. Lee didn’t call for me to stay or come after me, and as I walked away from him, I brought my fingers to my cheeks, wiping away the tears.

Fifteen

Back at the station that afternoon, it was a rare occasion that I saw my dad. My emotions were still a little off kilter after what had happened with Lee, so I wasn’t sure I was fit to deal with my father. Luckily, he was there in a professional capacity, to debrief the team after the failed search. Not surprisingly, Jennings was nowhere to be seen, and I had to admit I was slightly disappointed. There was some weird part of me that wanted to see them interact, perhaps do something to prove that Jennings had been lying about their affair.

I sat at the back of the room in between Tony and Keira, listening to him talk about how the search was connected to a much larger case, the one he’d been working on to take down Tommy McGregor.

I could barely breathe as he clicked through a series of projected images, all displaying pictures and evidence on the powerful crime lord. It was suspected that the Cross garage was one of his main sources of high-end stolen vehicles, and they had pictures of all the brothers. My heart stuttered when a surveillance shot of Lee came on the screen. He was crossing the street, his phone held to his ear as he took a drag out of a cigarette. Tiny pinpricks tickled at my palms, and my mouth felt dry as a bone.

They’d misjudged the setup, though, suspecting that Stu was heading the operation since he was the eldest. Everything fell into place. Lee’s boss was McGregor; that was why he’d been at the warehouse the night of the rave.

“Unfortunately for the investigation,” my dad went on sourly, “information was leaked that the garage was to be searched today, which as you all know, resulted in the place being cleaner than a priest on Sunday.”

Little did he know, the source of that leak was me. I’d never felt more conflicted in my entire seven years on the job. When Dad finished up the debriefing, I stood on shaky legs and made my way to the front of the room, where he was talking seriously with one of the sergeants. I waited until they were done before approaching him.