“Welcome, everyone, to the Spiegeltent and the Circus Spektakulär! My name is Marina Mitchell, and I’ll be your master of ceremonies for the evening. The little guy currently running amok amid the audience is Pierre, my trusty capuchin sidekick. Please keep an eye on your belongings — he has habit of taking shiny things that don’t belong to him.” She paused to wink at a boy in the front row. “We are a small, independent circus and pride ourselves on giving audiences a unique and magical experience. We have been travelling around Europe, Ireland, and the UK for the past thirty years. Tonight you will see wonders to delight, astound, and thrill. You will see men tame beasts. You will see women dance in the sky. You will see bodies accomplish impossible feats. And yes, you will laugh until your bellies ache as our clowns act out the comical and ridiculous. But first, I give you our Elephant Men, Jan and Ricky.”

Applause rang out as Marina took a bow and clapped her hands, and Pierre came running to climb back onto her shoulder. A moment later, two short men with dark hair walked out onto the stage. They were bare-chested and wore matching silk trousers with intricate designs. When one of them made a small gesture, two elephants came trotting out. I smiled widely, my eyes going big as I stared at the magnificent creatures. Playful music came on, “Pink Elephants on Parade” from Dumbo. They marched around the stage in a circle, lifting their legs gracefully when prompted or throwing their trunks high into the air.

During the act, the men led the elephants to go up on their hind legs, and at one point, Jan, I think it was, climbed up onto one elephant and sat on its back. Once their act was over, Marina was back out, introducing the Ladies of the Sky, three red-haired acrobats who I thought must be sisters, they resembled one another so closely.

They hung from silky coloured ribbons, twisting, twirling, and diving. My hands itched for a paintbrush as the colours swirled above me. I could have sat there for hours detailing the orange glow of their hair and the lithe, graceful movements of their limbs. I was certain that my Gran, who had been the one who first taught me how to paint, would have loved to be here right now. Unfortunately, she died when I was ten, but I always remembered her teachings, always tried to live by her philosophies, which were so opposite from my mother’s.

Make mistakes, Lille. Walk on the cracks. Break the rules that were made to be broken.

Somebody sat down in the empty seat beside me, and I glanced out of the corner of my eye to see the girl from the popcorn stand. She was holding a stick on which was spun a massive cloud of pink candy floss. When she saw me looking at her, she smiled wide, her bright blue eyes sparkling, and asked, “Want some?”

I nodded and eagerly plucked off a wisp before sticking it into my mouth. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. I’m Lola.”

“Lille.”

“Pleased to meet you, Lille. Are you enjoying the show?”

Again, I nodded, this time more fervently. “Absolutely.”

“I’m on my break. Thought I’d come in for the best part. Jack’s on next.”

Instantly, I recognised the name, and something both nervous and excited squeezed in my gut. Still, I feigned ignorance and asked, “Jack?”

“He’s the fire-breather. He also does knife throwing. I swear, every time he throws a knife at someone, I can’t be certain whether or not he means to hit or miss. There’s this air of danger about him, you know.”

I swallowed, more questions on the tip of my tongue, but the low, thrumming rock music that came on interrupted me. The bass hit me right in the pit of my stomach, and the crowd began to cheer. Marina made a passionate introduction for the Jack McCabe, fire-eater extraordinaire, and then he was walking out onto the stage, two long metal torches in his hands, the tips blazing with fire. My skin prickled with awareness, and somehow I just knew I was in for something truly amazing.

Two

They crossed a sea of water

He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and the way that his large muscular frame moved mesmerised me. He was all hard, toned muscle underneath gorgeous tanned skin. I leaned forward in my chair, because it looked like there was scarring all along his shoulder and half of his back.

“Are those….”

“Burn scars?” Lola interjected casually. “That’s what they look like, but nobody knows for certain.”

I glanced at her, unsure yet if I was comfortable with this girl. I was by contrast wary and delighted with her instant camaraderie. I’d never had a stranger come up to me and randomly act like we were already friends. For once, I wasn’t the eager one. Then again, I thought Lola and I probably came from very different worlds. Perhaps she did this kind of thing all the time.

Thinking of Jack’s scars, I wondered if that was why he’d been staring at my burned hand so intensely today. Perhaps it brought back a traumatic memory for him.

My eyes grew wide as he walked to the centre of the stage, holding out the two blazing torches. The crowd applauded when he began to swing them around dexterously, and my body got tense. He swung the torches in swift figure-eights, creating glowing swirls of orange in the dim light of the tent. I was both fascinated and worried that he might hurt himself, or worse, lose his grip on one of the torches.

His movements were almost like dancing. He ran the fire along the length of one arm, and it blazed across his skin before flickering out. He licked at the other flame, then brought the entire torch into his mouth and swallowed the fire. Whoa. Sexily, he lifted a bottle to his mouth, took a drink, tipped a torch to his lips, and spat. Huge, billowing flames exploded outward, making it look like he was breathing fire. It held a terrifying sort of beauty.

I heard quiet chuckling next to me and turned to see Lola grinning, “You’re fucking hilarious.”

I frowned, unsure whether I should take offence. “What?”

“You act like you’ve just seen a miracle.”

“Well, I’ve never been to a circus before, so….”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Really? That’s mad.” Then she dropped her face into the candyfloss and bit off a big chunk. She ate it like a three-year-old would eat a birthday cake, face first.

Hearing delighted noises from those around me, I brought my attention back to Jack to see he was now swinging around pronged metal wheels, the tips all lit with fire. He reminded me of an ancient tribal warrior performing a victory dance, and it was sexy as shit. I felt a chill cover the surface of my skin, my pores prickling. There was something irrefutably carnal about this man, and I was shocked to discover how much he could arouse me without so much as a touch.

Well, “shocked” was probably too strong a word. Since my mid-teens, I’d felt like I was a little preoccupied with sex. I mean, I had an active imagination and daydreamed about it all the time – probably because I had yet to find a partner who truly satisfied me. I was desperate to sate the foreign yet familiar hunger inside me. I’d always had this urge to explore, to experience something outside the realms of the normal. I’d had more than enough normal with Henry. Now I wanted more. Just…more.

Marina came back onto the stage, declaring that Jack would need a volunteer from the audience for the next part of his act. Needless to say, I was dying to throw my hand up and offer myself, but I had no idea what volunteering would entail. If it was something embarrassing, then half the town would be here to witness it. I shuddered to think of the news getting back to Mum, and I’d already defied her tonight with my backtalk.

So yeah, I craved sticking it to her like nobody’s business — I just had to formulate the actual courage to do so. One step at a time, I told myself, just as Lola shouted out, “Marina! Over here! I have a volunteer for ya!”