Jay’s hand went to his mouth, emotion overtaking him, as Matilda wrapped her arms around him for support. All of a sudden, it looked like the strength went out of him, and if it weren’t for his petite wife, he might have crumpled to the floor. A wave of emotion hit me just watching him. My throat was heavy with tears, my lungs burned, and my heart beat hard and fast.

My attention wandered back to Jack, who was now spewing flames around the stage and soliciting noises of fear, awe, and excitement in his audience. He looked magnificent, so strong and fierce. And he had no idea that his brother was in the audience, his brother who up until a half hour ago had been convinced that he was dead. I was frightened of Jack discovering what I’d done, but at the same time, I knew it was the right thing. Both Jay and Jack had been mistaken about their past, and by putting myself on the line, I was reuniting them.

His act went on for about fifteen minutes, and several times throughout I saw Jay try to pull out of his wife’s arms and run towards the stage. He wanted Jack to know he was there. Fortunately, each time Matilda pulled him back and murmured in his ear, her words working to subdue his eagerness and distress.

What do I do now?

What do I do now?

The question was still echoing in my head as I began to panic, no answers forthcoming, when suddenly Jack was performing his final trick. He tilted his head back and dipped the torch deep inside his mouth before swallowing the flame. The moment the music cut out and the crowd began to cheer, Jay was pulling out of his wife’s hold and taking big, hurried strides toward that stage.

I heard him call out, “Jack! Jack!” but his voice melded into the noise of the cheers. Jack walked from one end of the stage to the other, taking a bow each time. When he rose from the final bow, he must have heard something, because his attention flickered across the audience. Then, as though in slow motion, his attention landed on Jay, who stood in the middle of an aisle, just a few feet shy of the stage. Time stood still, and my heart thundered in my ears as Jack stared at his brother, eyes dark and uncomprehending.

“Jack, it’s me. It’s Jay,” he called, but still Jack didn’t respond. A flash of anger passed over his face, his entire body coiling tight before he swung around, turning his back on his brother and disappearing through the curtains. Seeing Jack flee, Jay jumped up onto the stage quick as a flash and chased after him. Matilda and I exchanged glances before we both began moving through the audience to follow them.

I could hear Jay calling out, “Jack! Jack! Wait a minute!” We followed his voice until we were out in the back of the circus, where many of the camper vans were parked. Jay finally reached his brother and grabbed him by the shoulder to stop him. Jack spun around and glared at Jay, his eyes blacker than obsidian in the dark. The lights from inside the Spiegeltent flashed through the stained glass windows, casting the brothers in alternating shades of red, green, yellow, purple, and blue.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” Jack hissed as he glared daggers at his brother.

“Let me explain,” Jay pleaded, chest heaving from the effort exerted in chasing down Jack.

“There’s nothing to explain. I have no idea how you found me or what you’re doing here, but you need to leave. I don’t want to see you.”

Jay was fumbling in his pocket, and my gut sank when I saw him retrieve my letter. “I got this letter in the mail. It told me where you were,” said Jay, right before Jack snatched the paper from him, his eyes flashing with fury as he scanned the words. He seemed confused for a moment as he put two and two together. Then he glanced to his brother, gaze flickering back and forth, brow furrowed. I was hit with the weight of a thousand bricks when suddenly Jack’s eyes landed on me. Those eyes were heavy with betrayal and accusation, and for a moment I found it difficult to breathe. He strode toward me with purpose and tossed the letters at my feet.

“How could you do this? I trusted you, Lille, I fucking trusted you!”

“Wait, Jack, listen. It’s not what you think,” I pleaded but he cut me off.

“Not what I think? So you didn’t steal this letter I wrote and send it to my brother without telling me? It just so happened to find its way to him by magic, did it?”

“No, but you have to understand, I did it all because I care for you. I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I was trying help you.” Tears were streaming down my face as I moved to touch him, but he flinched away from me.

“I told you I hated him. I told you how he abandoned me, how fucked up my life was after. How in the hell could you be trying to help me by bringing him here?”

Before I spoke, Jay cut in. He was now standing right behind his brother. “I didn’t abandon you, Jack. You have it all wrong.”

Jack spun on him. “Shut the fuck up! I don’t want to hear it. I don’t even want to look at you.” He took a pained breath and shoved Jay back with both his hands. Jay took the hit without reciprocating. “Just stay the hell way from me, you selfish fuck!” His voice had become choked, and before I knew it, he was looking at me again with those pained eyes, and I felt my heart breaking, shattering into a million tiny pieces.

“You know what drew me to you from the very beginning, Lille? It wasn’t your pretty face, your big grey eyes, or your beautiful smile. It was because for the first time in my life I felt like I was looking at a person I could trust. Someone so open and without malice that they didn’t even possess the ability to betray, but I was wrong. And how wrong I was is destroying me inside.”

His words made my stomach twist and my throat tighten in agony.

“Jack, please,” I begged, trying to grab for him again, but he wouldn’t let me touch him.

“Hey, look, you need to calm down,” Jay interjected while Jack glowered at him hatefully. “I never abandoned you. Listen to me for one fucking minute, would you?”

Jack’s chest rose and fell with his anger, but he didn’t speak. Instead, he waited for Jay to finish. “Up until I got this letter, I thought you were dead. That’s what our sick fuck of an uncle told me. I should have questioned it, but I didn’t. I was only a kid. I didn’t know you were still alive until your girl sent me this letter, and still I thought it was someone playing a sick joke, but I had to find out for myself. Then I come here and I see you, and it’s really you, but you fucking hate me. You have to understand that everything you thought was true was a lie. I was told you died in that fire with our parents, Jack. That’s why I never came for you. Because if I thought there was even a single shred of a chance you’d still be alive, then I would have destroyed the entire world to find you. You’re my brother. I love you. Please understand that none of what happened was within either of our power to change.”

Jack stared at Jay, and little by little I could see the fight go out of him as he absorbed the words. He swallowed hard, and the tension left his body, only to be replaced with sheer agony. He turned away from Jay, his back broad and tanned in the darkness, shoulders moving up and down as he tried to compose himself.

“You’re lying,” he said, the words so quiet I barely heard them. “This is all a lie. You’re trying to manipulate me,” he went on, voice small and choked with emotion.

“I’m not lying, Jack,” Jay said, taking a tentative step forward until he was right behind him. I saw him notice the scarring on Jack’s shoulder, his face contorting with sympathy and pain at the sight of it. It was a reminder of the house fire, the catalyst for all they had been through.

“Don’t touch me,” Jack pleaded, right before Jay threw his arms around Jack’s shoulders and hugged him from behind. Jay held on for dear life while Jack fought the hug, straining in Jay’s arms, but Jay held firm.