What am I doing?

Some sense slips in and I use the hand that pulled him closer to push him away. He lifts his head. His eyes are even darker than they were before and his gaze flickers between my eyes and my mouth. If I yanked him back toward me he’d keep on kissing me. I know this, I want it, and yet I push him away.

He traces a finger along my bottom lip. “Cora, Cora, Cora,” he chants breathlessly.

I run my fingers around the edge of his face. I feel like I’m just now seeing him. We keep touching each other, little discovering touches. He leans in and smells me, nuzzling his nose along my jawline to my ear. My hands are in his hair, sifting through strands that are softer than I thought they’d be. I breathe him in like he did me and he makes a noise at the back of his throat that tests the limits I just set for myself.

“Cora.” He sounds agonized.

I know how he feels. I ache in places I didn’t know could be so electric and sensitive and alive. All of my senses are on alert for what he’ll say or do next.

“We have to stop.”

I’m confused. Why?

“God, not here.” He catches my face in his hands, stopping me from licking the spot just below his ear. He gives me a quick kiss. “If you keep that up we’re going to give the neighbors a show and what I have planned for you is very, very private.”

“You have plans for me?”

Putting his forehead to mine, he makes a frustrated noise. “You have no idea.”

This cheers me immensely.

He pulls away and looks down at me in surprise. “That is the most amazing smile I’ve ever seen.”

I shut it down and try to duck my head, but he’s got ahold of me and I can’t move.

“No, don’t hide it. I like it,” he says.

I glance past him to Cassandra’s apartment building. Reality creeps in. Gripping his wrists, I pull on his hands so he’ll release me. We’re sitting out front of Cassandra’s apartment, making out. That’s wrong on every level. I’m supposed to be helping Beau, not indulging in my own curiosities.

My gaze goes to the building across the street. If I close my eyes I can still see the police cars with the lights flashing sitting out front. Police tape marks off the area, while crime-scene techs and police officers walk in and out of her apartment. The coroner’s van is parked close by, waiting to take Cassandra’s body in for examination and autopsy. The scene is eerie and macabre, made worse by the image of Beau rushing toward the apartment, screaming Cassandra’s name. I try to grab him by the waist to hold him back, but he slips past me. He’s crying. That was the only time I’d ever seen my brother cry.

I shake my head, trying to dislodge the memory, but the emotions of that night are as raw now as they were then. What am I doing here with Leo, while my brother sits in prison?

Leo releases me and sits back in his seat. The moment that never should’ve been between us is gone. His mouth—which I now know is soft and skilled—is pressed into a frown as he turns to see what stole my attention from him. I climb out of the car. I don’t wait for him. The apartment pulls me in, drawing me across the street. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12 steps to the second floor. The door on the right is open, so I walk through it.

A small living room/kitchen/dining room, then a short hall. The bathroom is on the right, the bedroom straight ahead. Her bed was on the far wall. With the window open she would’ve had a nice breeze while she slept. But she’s not sleeping. Her eyes are wide open. Blood smears her face, neck, and hands. Red mars the pretty floral sheets. Her hands are tied together above her head, the rope woven through the wrought-iron headboard. Each foot is tied to the iron posts of the footboard. She’s naked. Her legs are wide open and there’s blood there too.

I stand there, imagining all the things that were done to her, the hours it took to accomplish them. After all that, he took the matching pretty floral pillow and pressed it against her face. It took about three minutes for her to black out and another six to eight minutes for her to die. He threw the pillow onto the floor when he was done.

Putting both of his arms around me, Leo hugs me, drawing me in to his chest. “Ssh, stop,” he says, and I realize I’ve been talking this whole time, describing what I know from the reports. “No more.” His voice is raw, his arms strong and sure around me.

“I don’t understand why he used the pillow.”

“Cora.”

“All of that violence—the ripping and tearing, the blood—and he uses a pillow. Why didn’t he use his hands or the rope he brought? Why the pillow?”

He lays his cheek on my head, bringing me in tighter. “He’s a coward. Maybe he didn’t want to see her face. Maybe even he has a threshold that can’t be crossed.”

“Yes. That’s it. That’s it exactly. Thank you.”

“Are you two interested in the apartment?” a chirpy voice asks.

I face away and swipe at tears. Leo continues to hold me, looser now, but he’s not letting go.

“We’re not sure,” he answers.

“Is everything okay in here?” Her question is for me.

“Yes,” I lie, plastering on a fake smile.

“Are you sure?” She doesn’t look convinced, but she does look like my cousin Millie—big blond hair and matching boobs.

“Just something in my eye,” I say. “I’m fine, really.”

Beside me, Leo is a rock. I fist his shirt in the back where the lady can’t see. I don’t want him to let me go. I’ll float away without him anchoring me.

“What’s the rent?” Leo plays along.

“Fifteen hundred dollars per month. There’s a two-thousand-dollar deposit. Half is due on signing and the remaining when you get the keys.” She eyes us skeptically. “Are you two USD students?”

“He is,” I find myself saying. “I’m in cosmetology school.”

“This would be our first apartment together.” Leo smiles at her.

“How nice. You make a lovely couple. When would you be looking to move in? The apartment is ready anytime.”

“Oh,” I say, putting the proper disappointment in my voice. “We wouldn’t be ready to move in until next month.”

“I see. It wouldn’t hurt to fill out some paperwork—”

“I’m not sure it’s us. What do you think, Bluebird?”

His nickname startles me for the barest second. “No. I don’t think it’s us.”

“Well, if you change your mind, here’s my card.” She hands a card to Leo.

He glances at it. “Thanks, Lisa. We’ll let you know if we do.” Then, to me, “Did you want to look around a little more to be sure?”

“No. I think I got everything I came for.”

We head back out to the car and my head is light. My whole body is light. I hold on to my anchor as we make our way down the steps.

“Bluebird?” I ask.

He shrugs. He’s embarrassed. How odd. I never thought of him as someone who gets embarrassed. He always seems so sure of himself.

“I like it. My mom used to call me Cora Belle, but that was a long time ago.” I don’t tell him that he’s the only other person to give me a nickname or how much I really, really like it.

“I could use some coffee,” he says on a sigh. “Want some tea?”

“Yeah. I could really use a cup.”

Chapter 10 Leo

I kissed Cora, then Cora kissed me.

This should be the only thing I’m thinking about besides how and when I can take it further with her, but I’m not. I’m thinking about her hollow voice as she described the murder scene and how her tears absolutely gutted me. I find any reason to touch her, but I haven’t tried to kiss her again. I can’t.

I voluntarily took the seat next to her in the roller coaster of her life. I can take the twists and turns with her¸ holding her hand. I can repeat over and over for her that the ride will end soon even as it cranks up to the top of yet another hill. But she’s been on it long enough to see through the platitudes. She knows it won’t be over anytime soon and my presence beside her doesn’t make the ride any easier to take.