He laced his fingers through mine. “You know I’m here for you, right? Last night doesn’t change anything.”

“Of course it does. I can’t expect you to stand with me as I try to deal with this. It wouldn’t be fair to you. What I’ve been doing, telling you all of my problems, wasn’t fair either. If I had known that you felt…”

“If you had known I cared, you would’ve, what?” he asked. “Brushed me aside, distanced yourself? I don’t think so, Caley. I’d rather hear every single detail about your marriage than have you walk away from me again.”

“But I can’t just—” I started.

He cut me off, “Don’t. Just don’t. I won’t let you push me away—not now, not when I know…” He stopped and took a deep breath. “Not when I know there might be a chance for us someday. It hurt like hell before, yes, but it was worth it, just to be near you again. I won’t give that up, no matter what you say or do. I’m staying right here, beside you, for as long as you need me.”

“What did I ever do to deserve someone like you?” I asked. “You’re the kindest person I’ve ever known. You’re honest, and you truly care. I don’t understand how someone like you could ever want someone like me.”

“Someone like you? Caley, you don’t see yourself the way everyone else does, mentally and physically.” He released my hand and reached up to trail his fingers down my cheek. “You’re beautiful, inside and out. I just wish you’d realize that.”

Warmth flooded my cheeks at his compliment.

When was the last time anyone ever told me I was beautiful? I couldn’t remember.

“Maybe, one day, I’ll see what you see,” I finally muttered after a moment, doubting the words even as I spoke them. I knew what I thought of myself. I didn’t see that changing, especially after all these years.

“I’ll make sure that you do.” He dropped his hand and stood. “You’re welcome to stay here for as long as you like, but I think you should go sooner rather than later. The longer you’re here, the more you’ll doubt your decision.”

“You’re right,” I admitted as I stood. “I’m going to leave now. If I don’t, I’ll just end up spending the day here, hiding from what I have to do.”

He walked me to the door and opened it. “If you need anything, and I mean anything, call me. I’ll come to you, or you can come here if you want.”

“Thank you for everything.” I stepped outside onto his porch. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”

He leaned forward and kissed me on the forehead. His arms circled my waist. “Good luck, Caley. You’re stronger than you know. I hope you realize that by the end of the day.”

I tried to smile, but it was weak. He released me, and I turned to walk to my car.

I pulled my keys and phone out of my pockets before climbing in. I tossed my phone into the cup holder and shoved my keys into the ignition. My car rumbled to life. I fought tears again as I put the car in drive and pulled out.

I concentrated on my breathing as I drove home, afraid that I would lose control again. The closer I got to home, the harder it was to stay in control.

By the time I pulled into the lot, I was shaking. I shut the car off and stared ahead until I was sure I could hold myself together. As I climbed out of the car, I straightened my back and stared straight ahead. I wanted to feel as confident as I looked. Every part of me feared whatever was sure to happen once I walked into our apartment and told Joey the truth.

I made it upstairs in no time at all. It seemed to take only seconds before I found myself standing in our apartment, staring at Joey, who was sitting on the couch, waiting for me. The moment he saw me, he was up and walking to where I stood.

“Where were you?” he demanded. When I didn’t answer immediately, he went on, “You took off out of here like a rocket last night, and then I got a text telling me that you weren’t coming home. You wouldn’t answer my texts or calls!” His voice rose with each word until he was shouting. He stopped and took a step back, clearly trying to compose himself.

“I had to get away. I needed time and space to think.”

“To think about what?” he demanded.

“Us.” I forced myself to look him in the eyes as I spoke the words that would destroy us, “I can’t do this anymore, Joey. I’m miserable. I feel like I’m trapped in a life that isn’t mine. I don’t feel like you care about me, let alone love me. I just…I can’t do this. I can’t be with you.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I want a divorce.” My words sounded emotionless as they passed through my lips.

Joey looked at me as if I’d slapped him. “What did you just say?”

“I want a divorce.”

“Where is this coming from? Yesterday, I thought we were going to try again. I took you out to the movies. We were having a good time!”

“How many times have we tried over the years, Joey? Time and time again, we try to start over, and it always ends the same—with us shouting at each other whenever we’re in the same room. I can’t take it anymore. We don’t talk. We never see each other. We are nothing more than two people trapped together by a piece of paper and a set of wedding bands.”

“You don’t mean this, Caley. I don’t know what happened, but this isn’t you. We always work our shit out. Yeah, we have issues, and we’ll never win any Marriage of the Year awards, but we have stuck together for this long. We just have to keep on working at it.”

“I’m tired of working at it. There’s nothing left to work out at this point.”

“What about Amelia?” he asked.

I clenched my hands into fists at my sides. “Amelia will grow up knowing her parents love her. She won’t ever have to remember the way we fought or how much we hated each other. She won’t remember the fact that I started drinking and smoking just to escape you. Her life will be better this way.”

“Her life won’t involve me at all if you leave me!” he shouted, showing just how angry he was for the first time.

A vein in his forehead popped, showing his tell, and I knew he was about to lose his shit.

“You’ll have her on the weekends. It won’t be any different from how it is now since you work out of town all week. I’m not taking her away from you.”

He stared at me for a moment, his mouth opening and closing, but no words came out. He turned away from me and stalked to the doorway that led to our bedroom.

He flung it open and pointed inside. “You want out? Fine. Get the fuck out. Pack your shit and leave. Go to your parents’. Amelia is there. I dropped her off earlier when I thought I would have to go out and search for you.”

“Joey, let’s talk about this instead of screaming,” I said, keeping my voice calm.

“No, you’ve said all you have to say, so just fucking go!” he shouted.

“Joey—”

“I said, get the fuck out!” he screamed loudly.

I feared our neighbors would knock on the door to check on us.

“I don’t want you to hate me,” I whispered as tears finally filled my eyes. So much for being strong.

He stalked toward me, and I backed up until I was pressed against the wall, terrified that his rage would take over.

“I’m done with you, bitch. Just go.” He moved past me, heading to the door. He opened it, and a second later, it slammed shut behind him. The walls shook with the force of it.

I slid down the wall, sobbing, until my bottom hit the floor. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. My head rested on my knees as I let myself cry out all the emotions I was feeling inside.

Part of me was relieved that Joey had been his typical self. He’d fought for us at first, but that hadn’t lasted long. He had gone back to his normal shouting self in no time at all. Calling me a bitch was a little more dramatic than normal for him, but whatever. I didn’t care.

It just proves that I’m doing the right thing.

I forced myself to stand up and walk to our bedroom. I grabbed a few bags out of the closet and began filling them up with my clothes. I didn’t own a whole lot, so it took hardly any time at all to empty my side of the closet. I walked to the dresser next and shoved my bras, underwear, and socks into another bag. I still had plenty of room left in the second bag, so I walked to the bathroom and tossed all my toiletries into that bag as well.