“Yeah, it was different. A challenge.”

Nik just nodded like his head was on a spring. “Where’s this studio?”

Baz waved his hand for Nik to follow him and lead him down the hall. They walked in silence, Baz trying not to watch Nik like a dangerous zoo animal. Trying not to look at his mouth or even think about that kiss.

If Nik didn’t bring it up, Baz had decided he wasn’t going to either. Maybe it’d be better if they just ignored it.

When they finally reached the studio, Baz flicked the lights on, then couldn’t help the nervousness that hit him. He wanted Nik to like this place. Wanted him to feel welcome here. Wanted him to want to be here. To make music here. With Baz. And Trev and Jase and Zach.

Baz hadn’t realized how fucking much he wanted his band back until last night. It’d become a gnawing ache in his gut.

Nik walked by him and into the studio. Baz followed, letting the door close behind him. Nik walked over to the mixing boards, ran his hands over it in a caress. Then he lifted his head and looked out into the studio.

“Damn. Forgot the light.”

Baz turned and hit the switch to light the interior, then watched Nik take in the studio.

“Wow. He built this for you?”

“Kind of. Greg’s got this vision. He wants this place to be a one-stop shop for artists. He loves music. He’s been to a few of our concerts.”

“That’s cool.” Nik didn’t turn to look at him, just kept staring into the studio. “So he wants us to record here? Or he just wants you?”

“Us. Our band. I want to get back to our music, Nik. I’ve missed it. Last night, I felt what I’d been missing since I overdosed.”

Nik flinched when Baz said that last word but he was sick of tiptoeing around the subject, no matter who he was talking to.

Finally, Nik turned and looked right at him. “I let you down, didn’t I?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“After you OD’d. I was so pissed off at you and I was so fucking scared. I had no idea what the fuck to do so I didn’t do anything.”

“What are you talking about?”

Nik sucked in a deep breath and Baz heard the hitch in it. “I thought I was doing the right thing by Roxy. I honestly thought she was pregnant and there was no way in fucking hell I was going to do to my kid what my fucking sperm donor did to me. I thought you were being an asshole, that you were jealous. I didn’t believe you, and that’s on me. I pushed you over the fucking edge.”

“Shit, no. No way, Nikky. It wasn’t you. My failings are all my own. And I failed myself when I overdosed. I was so fucking stupid. This isn’t on you.”

An awkward silence fell until Baz couldn’t hold Nik’s tortured gaze any longer. He let his eyes lower as he shook his head and fell onto the piano bench.

“So where do we go from here?”

Nik spoke so softly, Baz wasn’t sure he’d heard him correctly.

“What do you mean?”

Nik grimaced. “I mean do you really want to come back or did you just say it because you don’t know what else to say?”

Baz’s head popped back up. “Damn it, Nik. Of course, I fucking mean it.” Then something occurred to him that made his stomach roll over. “Are you trying to tell me you don’t want to be part of Baseline Sins anymore?”

Nik didn’t answer right away and now Baz’s stomach started to hurt.

“Christ, Baz.” Nik shook his head. “We used to be able to read each other’s minds. We used to be able to look at each other and know what the other one was thinking. How the fuck did we get here?”

“I don’t know. The questions is, can we get past it?”

Nik’s gaze narrowed. “Do you want to get past it?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. What about you? Why are you here?”

“Because I miss my goddamn best friend.”

Nik’s voice held a leashed fury Baz recognized from their teen years. When he’d been so pissed off at his mom or her husband that he could barely breathe. He and Nik had made some of their best music then.

Would it be different now? Would the music come from a different place?

Interesting question. Baz wrote music because he heard it everywhere. In the scrape of a chair across the floor or the sound of water dripping off a roof. Nik wrote lyrics because they purged something inside him.

Baz took a deep breath. And then another. “Then let’s just forget all the other shit happened and start again.”

“I’m not sure I can.”

“No. No fucking way, Nik. You can’t—”

Nik held a hand out. “Hear me out, goddamn it. Just . . . let me say this.”

It took a huge effort on Baz’s part to keep his mouth shut.

Nik took a breath and kept his gaze locked on the floor. “I can’t forget because I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to forget how it felt to treat you like that because I don’t want to make the same mistake again. I treated you like shit. My best fucking friend in the whole world and, Jesus Christ, you could’ve fucking died. And I would’ve been pissed at you for the rest of my life for leaving me. And how fucked up is that?”

Baz didn’t know what to say to that. Did Nik want Baz to forgive him for deserting him? Tell him it was okay? That everything was better now? Hug him or punch him? Or both?

Baz inhaled and released it on a huge sigh. Did any of that really matter now?

No. It didn’t. “Yeah, it’s fucked up. But that’s just us. We know that. And I’m not giving up on our friendship because of one bad year.”

Nik swallowed hard then sat beside Baz on the bench. “So that’s it? We just go back to the way we were?”

“I’m not saying we go back to how we were. I’m saying we move forward from here.”

“And what does that mean?”

Baz smiled. “It means you admit you were an asshole and I admit I was an idiot. Then you go get your notebook, because you told me you were writing, and we’ll do some work and we’ll go from there.”

“And that’s it?”

“That’s it.”

Nik didn’t look convinced but he didn’t look totally against it, either. And when he finally took another unsteady breath and nodded, Baz felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders.

They both started to smile at the same time but Nik looked away after a few seconds, just after Baz saw something flash across his expression. Was he thinking about that kiss last night? Should he bring it up? Did he really want to bring it up?

“Okay.” Nik stood and headed for the door. “Let me get my notebook out of my car.”

“Nikky . . .”

Their gazes caught and held.

“Last night . . . Do we—”

“No.” Nik shook his head. “We don’t. It didn’t mean anything. Just . . . forget it, okay? Heat of the moment, lost my head, whatever. I’m good if you are.”

Was he? “Yeah. I’m good. So we’re gonna work now?”

“Yeah. Unless you can’t?”

He’d known this was a possibility when he’d left Tru this morning but he hadn’t let himself think too far ahead. “No, it’s great.” He took a breath. “I’ll leave the front door open for you.”

When Nik left, Baz pulled out his phone. He texted Greg first, to let him know he and Nik would be in the studio all day. Then he tried to figure out what the hell to tell Tru. Which was stupid. All he needed to say was he and Nik would be working all day and he’d see her tonight. She’d understand. She’d tell him no problem and she’d see him later.

And if their writing session lasted all night, he’d apologize and tell her he’d see her tomorrow morning when she came into the office. He and Nik sometimes worked better at night.

But if they kept this up for the next several weeks, he’d never see Tru.

No. Fuck that. It wasn’t going to happen. He was going to fucking have it all and nothing was going to stand in his way.

*   *   *

Tru got Sebastian’s text in the cab on her way to the office.

Hey. We talked. Everything’s cool. We’re gonna do some work, see how things sound. Might be a long day. We’ll be in the studio. You gonna be in the office at all today?