I hated this. All I wanted was to be with him, but our separation wasn’t my choice.

His jaw twitched.

My eyes were glued to him. Under his clothes, I could see the impressive muscle tone of his arms and chest that I loved to have pressed against me. I could hear the way he breathed. I could almost taste his lips on mine.

“Don’t, Elle. Just don’t,” he said.

“Don’t what, Logan? Go on with my life?”

His eyes were flat, his expression lifeless. “You know why we can’t be together right now. All I need is some time.”

I was shaking my head and lashing myself at the same time. I felt physically sick. “I gave you a choice and you didn’t pick me. There is no in-between. Not for me. There can’t be.”

His gaze remained steady, unblinking; his mouth was straight, almost a frown. “This is our story. There can be whatever we want.”

My fists and jaw were clenched. When it came to us, he wasn’t right. “How does that work? The in-between, I mean. We call each other on the sly, maybe meet up to fuck in secret, in a bathroom, a backroom, someplace where we are with other people so no one knows we’re together?”

The look of pain and despair he gave me was one I’d never seen.

The ache in my chest flared, but I didn’t stop. I had to put an end to this before I couldn’t. “Tell me, Logan, in this in-between, do we not only fuck each other but fuck other people too, to make the sham all the more real?”

Red seeped into his face. “Fuck you, Elle.”

His words punched the air from my lungs. I wanted to fall to my knees right there and say I was sorry, but I had to stay strong. I had to end this between us for good, because I knew he would keep going with the back and forth. “We shouldn’t be seen together. Do you want to be the first to walk out of here or should it be me?”

He pulled his bowtie loose and unbuttoned the top button but didn’t answer me.

Everything in this small space was suddenly too bright and my heart was beating way too fast. I couldn’t be near him for one more minute because I knew if I was, I was going to launch myself at him and give him what I knew he’d take. And I couldn’t do that. I was here for a reason—to spy on Michael. Find out what he was up to, if anything.

With a quick pivot on my heels, I made the decision for him and turned and started for the door.

“Elle, don’t leave things like this between us,” he pleaded.

I had to.

Nothing had changed.

A quick fuck wouldn’t make me feel any better tomorrow or change the fact that we had no future.

Realizing this, I thought I might just hate him.

But as soon as I left the room, left him, the hole in my heart told me I didn’t hate him.

Instead, it told me I would love him forever.

DAY 14

LOGAN

The pavement was wet as my feet pounded against it. I sprinted faster, arms working, fists flying up beside my body. Faster and faster I went, until my legs cramped and my stomach knotted, but that wasn’t enough to make me stop. I didn’t even falter. I just kept running.

The rain came down harder, but not hard enough to drown out the sound of her screams. They were everywhere.

I was running in the very early hours of the morning, trying to clear my head—to erase the nightmare I couldn’t seem to shake. It was so real. I had gone to her. Brought her back into my life. And then soon after she was in a dark place, alone and afraid. I saw the image of her frightened face, heard the sound of her shrilling screams, and felt her warm blood on my skin.

Running wasn’t erasing it—I could still see it.

Nothing was working.

I couldn’t shake it.

The haunting image surrounded me.

It was to my left.

To my right.

In front of me.

I just ran faster.

Miles and miles seemed to pass in mere minutes, but then my legs began to burn. I didn’t care. I kept going. The knot in my gut felt more like bricks. I didn’t care. I ran faster. But no matter how fast or how far I ran, it wasn’t going to change anything. Whether I was with her or without her, she could still be in danger, and I didn’t have a big enough army to save what my gramps would call my Helen of Troy.

Gasping for breath, I finally stopped.

Fuck, what had I done?

Was she with him?

No, I knew what she’d said last night was her way of coping with what I’d done to us. But knowing that didn’t stop the ache in my chest.

With my hands gripped around the back of my neck, I looked around, hoping to latch onto anything that would stop the constant noise in my head.

I couldn’t stand being without her.

The very early dawn created a purple haze that enveloped the surrounding area like a shroud. The sky was still dark. The air was thick and moist. And I could feel sweat running down the side of my face.

Flashing lights down at the waterfront caught my attention, and something about the situation drew me closer to the chaos.

An unwanted feeling I couldn’t shed.

Long strides brought me toward it. The closer I got, the louder the sounds became. The whoop of a chopper along the riverbank, the chatter of reporters, a Channel 7 news truck. It was utter madness for the early morning dawn.

“Stay behind the tape,” the cop said, pointing his flashlight at me.

Hey, I knew that cop.

“What’s going on?” I asked him, hoping he didn’t remember me from the night he introduced me to Blanchet, the she-devil DEA agent who coerced me into helping her bring down Patrick Flannigan.

Turned out that wasn’t all she wanted. She also wanted a lead on the source of the drugs that were hitting the streets of Boston in monstrous proportions. She’d tracked Flannigan and knew he wasn’t the kingpin in Boston’s cocaine operation, but he was still vital enough to hunt down. He had his hands in many illegal things, but drugs weren’t his most lucrative venture. Numbers and prostitution were more his game. What he didn’t know was that his son had upped their involvement in the drug market, and that was why they were both behind bars right now.

Blanchet had spoken to my gramps and gotten all she needed from him. Hence, my father was still a free man. She had yet to pull him in. And my hope was she wouldn’t.

“I said, stay back.” The bite in his tone wasn’t strong enough to indicate he recognized me.

Someone behind me spoke up. “A body was found. They think it’s been in the river for a while.”

Something told me I had to edge closer. Something else told me to keep running.

I watched the cop as his rubber boots squished along the mucky riverbank and then when he was out of sight, I maneuvered myself around the mob of people to where I could better see what was going on.

My sides were cramping; my skin felt tight, my throat dry. I needed water. My vision was slightly hazy and I had to squint to see that far, and finally I did.

Oh fuck!

There it was.

A body.

A woman’s body.

My lungs were no longer burning, but still I felt myself gasping for air.

The body wasn’t just a body.

Inconspicuous in the brush, I took another step forward and heard my sneakers squish in the mud.

Fuck!

I glanced around. No one was paying any attention to me.

They were focused on the body. And now so was I. Her arms seemed bare, although her torso appeared clothed in black. Her legs were covered in what had to be streaks of mud. Her feet and legs were hidden in her leather boots. And then there was the halo of fiery red hair floating grotesquely around her limp body.

That knot that had been in my gut twisted even more.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Maybe, just maybe it wasn’t her.

The body was facedown and splayed among the underbrush of the slimy riverbank, so really, it could be anyone.