“Gimme a sec.” I head to the chest of drawers and try to find something to wear. I grab a pair of cropped cargo pants and slide them on. They’re tight around the thighs and ass, and barely button. I kick them off and try a pair of shorts, then another. Same thing. What the hell? I look down at my body, wondering just how much weight I’ve put on. I was never skinny to begin with, so my ass must be gigantic right now.

“What’s wrong?” Gage inquires, seeing my frustration.

“My clothes don’t fit.”

“What?”

“I said my clothes don’t fit.”

“So? I’ll buy you new clothes.” He gives me a nonchalant shrug.

“I don’t want to fit into new clothes. I want to fit in my old clothes.”

“I don’t see what the big deal is.”

“The big deal is I’m fat. You won’t want me if I’m fat.”

He walks over casually and cradles my face in both hands, angling it so I’m looking at him.

“Babe...number one, you are not fat. Number two, I like my woman with meat on her bones. Number three, and most important, I’ll want you no matter what size you are. So...I’ll buy you new clothes.”

I open my mouth to speak then promptly close it. What do I say? If I tell him it was a sweet thing he said, he’ll just deny it. But it was. It was unbelievably sweet. In fact, it was perfect.

“You always know exactly what to say.”

“Just telling the truth, doll.”

He kisses my forehead then reaches into his drawer and pulls out some basketball shorts for me. Once I’m dressed, we head back to the bag. I place my feet exactly the way he had them then wait for my next instruction.

“Bend your knees slightly and put the majority of your weight on your back leg. Bring your arms up, but make sure you keep them relaxed.”

I’m actually starting to get excited. I want to kick the shit out of this bag. He places one hand on the top of my head, the other under my chin, and tilts my head down by a small degree.

“Keep your elbows in, hands up. Always protect your face.”

“Elbows in, hands up. Got it.”

“I’ll show you how to throw a punch. Once your shoulder’s better, I’ll take you to the ring and we can work on movement.”

“Okay,” I agree.

He takes hold of my left fist, rotating it as he extends my arm. “This is a left jab. From the chin out. You wanna make sure the punch lands like this.” He points to the way my fist is positioned. “At a straight angle.”

“Got it.”

“Push off your back leg and step into the punch, toward the bag. Try it.”

I recite his instructions in my head and throw a tentative punch.

“Good,” he encourages me. “Again.”

I throw another…and another. This feels better than any therapy session I’ve had so far.

“You’re doing great, baby doll. This will be your go-to punch until we can do more.”

I give him a big smile and turn my attention back to the bag. On its surface, I envision the dark figure at my door. I land my fist right in the middle of the image. It doesn’t disappear, but it flickers.

I’m going to beat you. I’m going to hammer away at you until you’re nothing but a distant memory. You stole my life and I’m taking it back. One punch at a time.

CHAPTER 13

***Raven***

Elbows in, hands up, protect your face. The words are emblazoned on my mind since I’ve been reciting them for three months. Learning to box was the best idea I’ve ever had. It hasn’t magically made my life a fairy tale, but at least I’m living. I no longer just go through the motions of each day. I started out small—spending my days outside of the bedroom—and I got to know the guys better by hanging out with them every day. Ellen came over whenever she could, and I got to play with Mikey. When I was bored, I started doing housework. I cleaned Gage’s bedroom and took over his laundry from Aunt Nita. Then I started helping out in the kitchen. Before long, the Hounds deferred to me and I basically started running it. That pissed Britney off. She doesn’t even come into the kitchen anymore, sticking to the bar.

Gage was happy, and that’s all that mattered. He was able to devote his time back to his businesses, but he came home for dinner every day. Deena’s helped me a lot, too. I really don’t see how she could have been friends with Lonnie. Other than being Hounds, they don’t seem to have anything else in common.

Crow and Motor are the only ones with old ladies, but Marlowe and Renae don’t come to the clubhouse much. On the rare occasions they do, we get along great. They’ve even given me ‘old lady lessons’, which I’m wondering if I’ll ever need. Things with Laurelyn are much better. We’ve been talking almost every day, and I’m supposed to go visit in the summer when Dani is out of school. Overall, things have been going pretty well for me.

As time passed and my shoulder healed, Gage stepped up my lessons. Right now, I have Fort Minor’s “Remember The Name” coming through my earbuds while I spar with Booker. I give him my left jab and he shakes his hand out even though he’s wearing punch mitts. I know I’m stronger in that arm because it’s all I could use until now.

“Damn, girl. Take it easy on me.”

“Man up, pussy.” I grin at him.

I’m ready to go again, but he drops his arms to his sides and nods to something behind me. I pull out my earbuds and turn to see Gage climbing into the ring. He yanks me toward him and crushes my lips beneath his. His hand snakes down my back and he grabs my ass, squeezing the cheek. I moan, throwing my arms around his neck.

We still haven’t had sex. Truth be told, both my mind and body aren’t quite there yet. We’ve kissed. A lot. But we’ve never taken it further and he hasn’t pushed me. The tingles have returned and every time I look at him, I imagine him naked. I’ve thought about it but honestly, I’m worried about pleasing him. What if I’m damaged? I’ve checked – stuck a finger inside myself – and it felt okay, I guess. I even had Dr. E examine me and he said I’m fine, but how will it feel for Gage? What if he doesn’t enjoy it? What if I disappoint him? God, I couldn’t bear it if that happened.

“Hey, babe,” he whispers as he breaks our kiss.

“Hey.”

“Time to go.”

“But I’m not done.”

He moves into his caveman stance, hands crossed on his chest, and frowns at me. “Your time’s up. Let’s go.”

“Ugh! Fine.”

He’s had this silly notion of limiting my time in the gym because he thinks I’ve lost too much weight. I think I look great. After I started working out, I went back to my original weight then lost five more pounds. My body is toned and I have kick-ass abs. He put his foot down when I told him I wanted a six-pack, then he started bringing home all kinds of junk for me to eat, saying he needed to fatten me up. Crazy.

I throw a T-shirt over my sports bra and we leave the gym. On the drive home, I turn to him as I sip my water. “What do you want for your birthday?”

He raises a brow in question. “What do you want to give me?”

“How about a wet, sloppy blow job?”

“Yes, please,” he answers without a hint of humor.

“In your dreams, perv.”

“How do you know about my dreams?”

“Eww.” I punch him on the arm. “Gross!”

“Hey, you offered.”

“You’re getting a party. Deal with it.”

I’ve already gotten his gift, and I can’t wait to give it to him. I’ve been planning this party for weeks, along with Aunt Nita and Ellen. Chrissy and Toni have helped out with ideas, and Toni’s supposed to come in a few days before.

“What do you think about the prospects?”

“They’re cool,” I answer. “Why?”

“We’re voting on their membership tonight. They’ve been pretty good. I’m sure they’ll get in.”

“Yay! We should throw them a party.”

“We always do.”

He makes a turn and I realize we’re heading away from the clubhouse. “Where are we going?”