“Okay, you got me. I’m secretly a nerd.”

“Not a nerd, but smarter than you lead people to believe.”

“You got me all figured out, huh?”

“Well, you wanted to be a pilot, so you must have been pretty good in school. That doesn’t just go away. You probably have a degree or something, but you’re hiding behind this Reaper persona.”

What the fuck? People who have been around me for years haven’t figured that out and she does after a few conversations? Not even Chopper knows. The only ones who do are E and Ellen.

“What makes you think that?”

She raises a shoulder in a shrug.

“How old are you?”

“Thirty-two.”

“Oh.”

“What…you think I’m too old for you?”

“No, just wondering. I don’t really know anything about you.”

“True. There’s a lot we don’t know about each other, but we can learn.”

I reach over, take her hand, and stare into her eyes. She averts her gaze and pulls her hand from mine nervously.

“I like your tattoos.”

She effectively changes the subject, so I place my hand back on the wheel. “Thanks.”

“I was surprised you don’t have any on your back.”

“It’s kind of a club thing. The back is reserved for our old ladies.”

“Old lady…is that like a girlfriend?”

“Yeah, or wife.”

“So, you don’t have one?”

“No, Raven. If I did, you wouldn’t be here.”

“Don’t you want one?”

Damn it. I should have known this would happen. She probably thinks this is going somewhere. I need to nip it in the bud.

“Don’t worry. I don’t have any grand ideas about you. I know exactly what you want from me.”

“I’m not that man, Raven. You want a good fuck, you come see me. I don’t date. I don’t do romance or relationships, and I certainly don’t do love.”

“You don’t need to convince me. Besides, I have a boyfriend.”

The mere mention of the word makes my blood boil. I don’t even know why. I just can’t stand the thought of someone else touching her. “Are you fucking him?”

“What? No!”

I pull into her driveway and shut the car off. There are a few things we need to get straight.

“When you said you’ve done some things…what did you mean?”

She takes a deep breath and rolls her eyes.

“If you’re asking me if I’m virgin, then the answer is yes.”

Fuck. A virgin. My dick jumps. I can just imagine how tight she’ll be. “It’s mine, Raven. Wait for me.”

She turns to me, her expression incredulous.

“What?”

“I want to be your first. Say you’ll wait for me.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Maybe, but it’s mine.”

“My virginity is not something you can claim,” she says indignantly.

“But I am claiming it. I want to see the look on your face when I slide inside you for the first time. I want to hear you scream my name when you come. I’m going to be your first, Raven. It’s mine.”

The anger drains from her face and her breathing gets ragged. I’ve got her.

“I want you to do something for me.”

“What?”

“I want you to touch yourself every night.”

She swallows hard then whispers, “Why?”

“I want you to get used to being touched, to get yourself ready for me.”

“No. I can’t.”

“You can. You want me, too. I don’t know why you keep fighting me.”

“I like you, and there’s no doubt we have a strong physical attraction, but that’s all it is. You said yourself that you’re not into relationships and love. That’s what I need.”

“Love ain’t got shit to do with fucking.”

“I don’t want to fuck. I want to make love. I want love and a committed relationship.”

“I see.”

I really don’t, but what else can I say? I can’t give her what she wants.

“Good night, Gage. Thanks for tonight. I had a great time.”

I watch her as she climbs out of the car, shuts the door, and walks away. Once she’s safely inside, I drive off. She didn’t say it, but somehow, it felt like goodbye. I fucked up. I know I fucked up. I acted like a fucking caveman, and now she probably doesn’t want anything to do with me. I can’t say I blame her. I’m a dick.

I head out of town and toward the Kitty. I haven’t been there in a while. Maybe I should go check things out. When I arrive, it’s packed as usual. Put pussy and liquor together and men will show up. Kind of like Field of Dreams – build it and they’ll come. I do a visual check of the security, making sure they’re all where they’re supposed to be. The bartender waves at me as I pass by and I think of taking her to my office for a quickie, but then I meet Nita’s hard stare.

“Keep it in your pants, boy.”

“I am. I promise. How’s it going?”

“Good. I guess I don’t have to worry about you fucking this supplier. Or do I?”

“Should I be worried about you?”

“My man days are over, son.”

“Yeah, right.”

I kiss her cheek, and then make my way to the security room. I have two guys in there monitoring everything that goes on. They’re both diligently watching the screens.

“Everything good, boys?”

“Yes, sir,” they reply in unison.

“Good.”

I head back to the bar, get a beer, and watch Brandi, the girl on stage. She’s one of my best girls, a big money-maker. She climbs to the top of the pole, hangs upside down, and then slides to the bottom, stopping just before her head hits the floor. The crowd goes crazy.

“Hey, handsome.”

I turn to the voice and see two blondes smiling at me. Not really my type, but they’re pretty enough. “Hello.”

“We hear you’re the owner,” Blonde Number One says.

“One of them.”

“We just wanted to let you know that this place is great.”

“Thank you. I’m glad you like it.”

Blonde Number Two smiles and moves closer to me.

“I’m glad Alex talked me into coming out tonight. Better than a night home alone.”

Home alone. The words ring in my ears. I need to talk to her. I need to make sure she’s okay.

“Excuse me.”

I dial her number the moment I’m outside and hope she answers. Two rings, three, four…just when I’m about to give up, she picks up.

“Hello.”

“Did I wake you?”

“No. I was reading. Just got into bed.”

Jesus. “I wanted to check on you since I know you’re home alone.”

“Not the first time, won’t be the last.”

“Do you want me to come –?”

“No. I’m fine.”

Frustration grips me so I take a deep breath, expelling it from my mouth. I never know what to do when it comes to her. I feel like fucking breaking something.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

“No, I’m not okay. I feel like I’m going crazy. I want you so much I don’t know what to do with my fucking self. I can wait, Raven. I will fucking wait. I just need to know that I’m not waiting in vain.”

“I can’t, Gage. I can’t give you what you want, and you can’t give me what I want.”

“Is this about the boy?”

“His name is Chris, and this is about me. I’m not just going to spread my legs for you because you want me to. I’m not Lonnie.”

“Is that what you think? I know that you’re nothing like your whore sister. Chicks like her are for amusement, nothing more. You…you’re different. I want to be with you.”

“No, you don’t want to be with me. You want to have sex with me. Therefore it would be for your amusement.”

“Trust me, it’s not like that.”

She doesn’t speak for a while, but I know she’s still there. I hear her breathing.

“There are a lot of women out there who want to be with you.”

“I know. That doesn’t matter. What matters is who I want.”

“We can’t be together. Not now, not two months from now, not ever.”

“Why?”

“Good night, Gage.”

I want to put my fucking fist through the wall. Instead, I kick the trashcan in front of me with a loud growl. That’s it. I’m done. It’s her fucking loss. I’m not wasting any more time on some bi-polar ass chick. If she doesn’t want me then I sure as hell don’t want her ass. I turn when I hear footsteps behind me.