He turned away and headed back to his desk. “Why do I need to hear this?”

“Because, you idiot, you’re going to lose her if you don’t get your fat head out of your ass! This Randy person is nice and all that, but he’s not you and that’s who she wants.”

Killian stopped and glowered at her from over his shoulder. “You’ve got problems, you know that? For years you’ve been telling me to keep away from people, to never fall in love, to never let myself be happy. When I finally listen, you’re telling me I should drag Juliette back to this nightmare and put her in danger all over again. I can’t honestly decide whether you hate me or her.”

“I don’t hate either of you!” she cried. “I love you both is why I’m here. You haven’t been the same since she left. Honestly, I hate this person you’ve become. You’re arrogant and selfish, and worse, you’re bitter. My brother, no matter what, had always been kind and wonderful and always thinking of others. Now, you’re just an asshole behind a fancy desk.”

He whirled around, his temper clashing with the pain prickling at his temples. “What do you want from me, eh? You can’t seem to make up your bloody mind!”

“I want you to be happy!” she screamed back at him, her cheeks red with exertion. “I want you not to be here anymore. I want you to give up this life that isn’t yours. You don’t belong here, Killian. You never belonged. Your mother knew that. Do you think she would want you to lock yourself in here day after day, night after night, killing yourself for nothing? She wanted you to be happy. She wanted grandchildren. She wanted you to find your fairytale and you have. You found Juliette. She’s the one meant for you and you’re pushing her away.”

“I almost lost her,” he reminded her, fighting to keep his voice in check. “I came so fucking close, Mar.”

“I know, but—”

“No, you don’t. You have no idea how much I hate this. You have no idea how badly I want her back, or the things I would happily do to make it happen. I miss her, Mar. I miss her so much it fucking hurts. But every time I pick up the phone to call her, or even think about having her back, I remember the envelopes. I remember how completely useless and helpless I felt not knowing what they were doing to her. I did that to her. I put her right in their hands and I can’t do that again. I can’t … God, I can’t!” He sagged against his desk and clapped a hand over his burning eyes. “Just let me rot in here. I’d rather die alone and miserable than to live forever knowing she’s not out there.”

“Fine!” Her chin warbled. “But know that I hate you so much right now.”

Spinning on the points of her heels, Maraveet stormed from the room, leaving Killian alone in his misery.

Chapter 32

“Hey, want to hit a movie with me tonight?”

Randy Sawyer smiled at Juliette from across the counter. Anticipation and hope glittered in his blue eyes, giving his beautifully chiseled features an almost boyish glint.

“A movie sounds nice,” Juliette lied, forcing herself to smile. “I’d like that.”

That wasn’t entirely a lie. She liked movies and she liked Randy and sometimes, it was nice to do things she liked that didn’t involve sleeping or walking around her house in her pajamas. The only problem was that she couldn’t bring herself to like-like Randy the way he seemed to like-like her and that made the whole dating thing awkward.

It had been two weeks since their first date and she still wasn’t sure why she kept saying yes when all she wanted was to die a lonely death wallowing in her own desolation. Maybe it was because Vi refused to let her or the fact that every time he asked, her mouth automatically said yes, like if she said it often enough, eventually her heart would notice that, hey, there’s a really sweet, good looking guy over here who deserves a chance. It made her the worst person in the world, but her brain had already decided that she needed to move on and let go. Her heart was a whole other matter. It was still adamant that it wanted Killian and only Killian and no one else would ever do. The two refused to see eye to eye on anything and Randy was taking the hits. But she figured if she forced herself to take more notice and open up to the possibility, then maybe, eventually, the pain would fade. That hadn’t happened yet.

Dimples winked from a smile made for toothpaste commercials. “Great! I’ll pick you up at six.”

“Why don’t I meet you at my place?” she suggested. “That way I can change.”

Randy nodded. “Okay, but I can drop you off so you don’t have to grab the bus.”

His kindness made her hate herself a little more.

“It’s okay. I like the bus. Besides, you’ll still be working when I get off.”

Randy was a masseur in the hotel spa. She’d never seen him before the day he walked up to her counter and asked for her number. The sheer size of him, those dimples, and the unexpected approach had bulked her into complying.

He relented. “Okay, well, then I’ll pick you up at seven.”

Juliette agreed and watched as he ambled away.

I can do this! She willed herself to believe. Honestly, how hard was it to find someone else? People did it all the time. They broke up, ate chocolate, and moved on to someone new. It wasn’t even as though she and Killian had been dating. It had only been sex, for God sakes. Letting go should not be that hard, and yet, five months later, she was still unable to do so, even with a guy who was as amazing and sweet and safe as Randy. There was something wrong with her, clearly. She had problems.

“You have problems!” Vi smacked the dishcloth down on the island and stormed to the fridge. “You’re insane and I am no longer feeding your crazy.”

“Vi, please!” Juliette begged. “If I have to listen to one more awkward silence, I will kill myself.”

“But go on your date?” the girl cried, whirling around. “Do you have any idea how weird that is? God, Jewels, he’s going to think we’re some kinky sister love package.”

“Oh ew!” Juliette flinched. “That’s disgusting.”

“Then don’t invite me to your date!”

Groaning, Juliette dropped into a stool at the island and dropped her face into her folded arms. “I don’t know what to say to him when we’re together,” she mumbled. She lifted her face and peered imploringly at her sister. “He keeps asking me things.”

The look Vi shot her was one of profound disgust. “Yeah, because you’re dating!” She threw up her hands. “Why are you if you can’t even stand to have a conversation with him?”

“It’s not that I can’t stand to talk to him,” Juliette argued. “It’s because I don’t…”

“What?” Vi demanded when she trailed off.

Juliette sighed. “Because I don’t want to talk to him. I mean I do. He’s such a great guy and—”

“And he really likes you,” Vi chimed in, being no help at all.

“But I don’t feel anything,” Juliette whispered. “When he takes my hand or when he kisses me—”

Vi raised a brow. “You mean that very awkward peck on the cheek that nearly sent you out of your skin? Okay, fine, sorry. Not helping. Go on,” she mumbled when Juliette shot her a frown.

“I keep hoping something will just spark and I’m getting nothing.”

“Then clearly you need to say goodbye and find someone else,” Vi said sagely.

“What if no one else wants me?” Juliette cringed at the pathetic note in her voice. “What if Killian…” Just saying his name hurt. “What if he was the only one and—”

“You’re right.” Vi sighed. “Well, there’s only one thing to do now. We need to get you a cat.”

She pitched the dishrag at Vi’s face.

The girl caught it, grinning. “We’ll call him Ginger.”

“Will you shut up?” Juliette rose.

“And we’ll get him a little bell on his little collar,” Vi went on relentlessly. “Then, we’ll get him a girlfriend and call her Whiskers. Then Ginger and Whiskers can have little baby kittens and—”