“I’m so fucking worried, Jenna. I’ve never been though anything like this. It’s fucking cancer, you know? And it’s a pediatric cancer so they don’t really know the long term.”

“He’s going to kick that cancer in the fucking ass, Cate. You have to believe in that. And you have to believe in him.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know I do. It’s just that I love him so much and I don’t know what I’ll do if anything …”

“Hey, hey, none of that talk. You hear me? We’re not even going to think that way. If anyone can survive this, it’s Drew McKnight.”

She’s right. I put on my best happy face and say, “Yeah. I’m gonna hop in the shower and then I need to get back to the hospital.”

“I’m going with you. Ben’s coming in today, too. You need a bit of relief here.”

“I’m just glad the surgery coincided with my spring break so I had the time off. I don’t know what I would’ve done otherwise.”

We get back to the hospital and the McKnights are already there. They hug Jenna, and Drew smiles at her. It’s a weird time with all of us dancing around the cancer issue. Not much later, Ben walks in.

“Dude, if you wanted attention, why didn’t you just say so? I could’ve worked something out.” Thank God for Ben. We all have a good chuckle and the room seems to lighten up with his presence. Even Drew is more cheerful.

Thirty minutes later, half of his hockey team cruises in. Talk about a crowd. Ray and Letty step outside after the introductions are made, but not Jenna. She eyes every one of the guys, checking them out. I have to laugh. Knowing her, she’ll probably end up hooking up with one of them.

Drew asks Ben if he needs a place to crash.

“No. I have a place. Yours.” Everyone laughs.

Drew makes a fist so Ben can bump it. “You know it, bro. How long you staying?”

“As long as you need me.” The intensity of their stares fills my heart with a deep love for Ben.

Drew smiles and says, “Thanks, bro. I can always count on you.”

“You know it.”

Drew grabs my hand and pulls so I have to sit on the bed. “Between this girl right here, my parents, Ben, Jenna, and the team, what more do I need?”

I want to scream—your health! But I clamp my mouth shut instead. I bend down and kiss him as everyone yells out catcalls.

Ben pats him on the shoulder and asks, “How much longer you in for?”

“A couple more days.”

“Hey, can we take you for a spin in that thing?” Ben points to the wheelchair.

Drew laughs, shaking his head. “Only you, Rhoades.”

“Dude, don’t you want a change of scenery?”

“Have you seen all the shit that’s attached to me?” Drew lifts the covers and Ben starts screaming in the loudest voice possible. Two nurses run into the room while Jenna and I laugh hysterically as do the rest of Drew’s friends. When the nurses see what’s going on, they join in.

“Which one of you is the trouble maker?” one of them asks. Everyone points to a different person and we all laugh again.

“Hey, I wanna bust my friend out of here and take him for a spin in that fancy contraption. How does one go about doing that?” Ben asks.

“You ask his nurse in a very friendly manner,” she answers with a wink. She’s a middle-aged woman with kind brown eyes. She’s been very helpful to me over the last few days.

“Is that right? Well then,” Ben checks out her name tag as he sidles next to her, “Nurse Sandy, I would very much like your kind assistance in taking my best friend here for a ride in that lovely wheelchair. I think he could use a change of scenery and give his beautiful fiancée a break. How about it?” He waggles his brows at her.

“Aww, what a sweet talker you are,” Sandy says. “I’ll gladly help you, if Dr. McKnight’s willing.”

Drew nods and they load him and all his apparatuses up for the ride. I giggle as I watch Ben’s eyes widen in horror when he sees the chest tube and the pleurovac it’s attached to.

“AHHHH! Why didn’t you warn me?” he cries.

“Dude. Grow some balls and act like a man. And I tried.”

They leave with the hockey team trailing behind.

As soon as the coast is clear, Jenna accosts me. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” Jenna accuses.

“Tell you what?”

“How hot Drew’s friends are?”

“I don’t know. I guess I never paid attention.”

“Figures. You fall in love and forget about your best friend.”

That night, the three of us sit around Drew’s apartment. He made me go home with them, saying he would sleep better knowing I was there.

Ben grabs a beer out of the fridge and says, “He looks good, Cate. A lot better than I thought he would. Except for all that shit hanging off him.” Ben shakes his head. “I don’t know how anyone can want to be a doctor.”

“I agree,” Jenna says. “About the Drew looking good part. Well, about both, actually.”

I half smile.

“He told me all the tests came back good,” Ben says.

“Yeah. That’s why they did the excision,” I say.

“He’s going to be fine. I just know it.” Ben squeezes my shoulder.

My phone starts to ring. It’s Mom.

“I have to get this. It’s my mom.” We talk for about twenty minutes. She’s been so great throughout this whole thing. When I hang up I promise to call her tomorrow.

Jenna and Ben are talking quietly when I return to the conversation. They look up at me with guilt written all over them.

“Spill.”

“Nothing.” Jenna is as bad of a liar as I am.

“Liar. I know when you’re hiding something.”

Ben steps into the conversation. “I shared something with her that I probably shouldn’t have.”

“What?”

“Cate, Drew asked me not to say anything.” Ben looks really uncomfortable.

“What is it?”

“You know, this puts me in a fucked up position. Me and my damn big mouth.”

“Is this something I should know?” I ask.

Ben takes a huge breath. When he does my gut twists. This is bad. “If I tell you, I betray my best friend’s confidence. And where does that leave me or what does that say about me?”

“Ben, Drew has cancer. I need to know if it’s something that has to do with his health. I love him more than my own life. Can you try to see past what you just told me? I won’t tell him. I just need to know.”

My face is wet again from tears. Jenna has her arm around me and says, “Just tell her, Ben. What more can it do?”

He rubs his neck. “Yeah, okay. He’s really scared about all of this, Cate. More so than he’s telling you. He doesn’t want you to know that. The issue is the fact that the information on treating this type of cancer in adults is so varied. He told me if he were fourteen, he’d feel much better about the diagnosis. The other thing is the location of the cancer. The prognosis is better when it occurs in the limbs, specifically in the legs. Not the ribs. That’s what else is bothering him. I think the fact that he’s a doctor makes it so much worse.”

When I really sob, Ben says, “And this is why I didn’t want to say anything.”

“She needs to know this, Ben. She needs to be there one hundred percent for Drew.”

I hate that Drew feels he can’t tell me these things. I’m supposed to be the one he can lean on. I’m supposed to be the one he runs to. Not Ben or his parents. I want to scream, cry, kick, yell. Something, anything to release my emotions.

“It’s just not fair.”

“Nothing’s fair. You should’ve learned that by now,” Jenna says.

“Jenna, don’t be so harsh,” Ben says.

Jenna looks chastised. But she’s right. Nothing is fair in life.

“UGGGGH! Of anyone, it should’ve been me. Drew … he’s so good and kind.” And that’s when it hits me. There’s a good chance he’s not going to make it. It’s the old saying—only the good die young that comes to mind and Drew is the best there is.

My face must reflect my thoughts because both Jenna and Ben say, “What is it?”

Jenna adds, “You’ve turned gray.”

In an expressionless voice, I say, “He may not make it.”