I will never get fed up of how it feels to have her riding with me. I never once thought I would want to settle down, that is until I met Natasha. It’s crazy but from the first day I saw her, beaten and bruised then watching as she recovered and showed everyone how strong she actually is I became hooked. I didn’t realise it then but now when I think back I had to make sure I saw her as much as I could. A passing in the clubhouse or even just a hello when I dropped by Grim’s. It fucking made my day. Now I get to have her for the rest of my life, her arms squeeze around me and my cock hardens.

Natasha begins to laugh behind me and I shake my head. So fucking inappropriate of me, but if Marie or my brothers was here, I don’t think they would care.

The rumble of the bikes feels amazing and seeing everyone come together for Prospect Joe, Prospect Billy, Big John and Marie I become overwhelmed. I will stay strong for my woman though, I will hold her up in case she falls.

When we reach the church, my eyes are constantly full of tears. The ceremony was amazing, and very emotional. I don’t think there was a dry eye in there, even the men shed a tear or two. I spotted Devlin wiping his eyes every now and then and I love him even more for it. All four caskets sit side by side, their photos are on top and their families look up in tears. I can’t stop looking at the framed picture of Marie, she looks so happy and carefree. I surrender to my tears and when I see Travis wiping away his tears I cry even more.

Spliff didn’t want Lorena and Carl here. He thought it was dangerous and that it would be too much for them. Instead they’re with Marie’s parents and they will meet us back at the clubhouse. I don’t blame him at all for not bringing them, I couldn’t imagine seeing little Lorena here.

We head outside and I do so with my hand still firmly in Devlin’s. Since getting off his bike, I haven’t let go of his hand. I need him. Devlin wraps his arms around me as we watch the coffins being lowered. I don’t know what I would have done without him. I take a look around my family. Lauren is against Grim, crying into his body. Elise has Scrappy and Drew is with Baby. Maci is stood beside me, crying along with us all and I reach out to squeeze her hand. She looks down at our hands before looking up and giving me a heart breaking smile.

After paying my respects, I say an upsetting goodbye to Marie and then men that helped keep Strike away. Lauren and I have a little cuddle and Spliff approaches us.

“Hey girls.” He smiles.

“How are the kids?” Lauren asks him.

“Not doing too great.” He sighs. “Lorena doesn’t understand, she keeps crying out for Marie and it’s fucking so hard.”

I begin to cry again and I give him a quick cuddle. “I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” He says firmly.

“If you need any help with the kids, I’m there ok?” I tell him.

“Same with us all.” Lauren adds. “We’re all here for you.”

Spliff begins to tear up. “Thanks girls.”

I place Lorena down and she happily skips over to the other kids. I don’t think she actually knows what’s happening, Spliff told us that he tried to explain the best he could to her. He said his words were along the lines of, Mummy isn’t coming back but she has her daddy, brothers and club family all around her. I don’t know if she’s too young to say that Marie is dead, but he maybe could have said she’s gone to heaven, every child knows what heaven is right?

I slowly rise from my seat and get myself a drink from the bar. As Duke passes me my Vodka lemonade, he also adds a Sambuca shot. I frown at him and he shrugs innocently at me with a naughty smirk. Why the hell not!

I throw the shot back and cringe at the after taste of the liquid. In that moment I’m reminded that I don’t like Sambuca. I take sips from my drink to wash away the taste and then spot Devlin watching me.

“Babe.” He greets, holding me tight.

“Baby.” I whisper back.

The Sambuca has warmed my veins and bolt of lust wraps it way around my whole body. I lean into Devlin, he’s sexy, tall, tattooed, charming and all mine. I haven’t told him yet but I think that he should finally get a little reward for waiting for me. I don’t know if I’m ready for everything yet, but I am definitely ready for some foreplay. Actually, I’m feeling kind of desperate for it. I want to feel him up against me, to have his naked and hot skin over mine. I want to know what it feels like to have him touch me everywhere. If it leads to sex, then it happens but what I do know is that I want to test the waters.

“Is it wrong that I want you naked?” He growls into my ear.

“I don’t think Marie and the brothers would mind if we snuck away.” I laugh. Which is most likely true.

Devlin presses himself closer to me and I feel the thick hardness press into me. Fuck he’s ready for me.

“I’ve gotta talk with Grim and my dad and I’ll meet you in the bedroom.” He kisses me with a fire that leaves me lightheaded and grinning like a damn fool.

I finish my drink as I watch him walk towards Franky’s office. He looks too fucking good in his black on black clothes today. I watch his ass and I just wish I could reach out and squeeze it. The wake has now turned into a little party at the clubhouse. Yes it’s sad that four of our own have died but we want to celebrate their lives. Marie would especially hate it if she knew we were all sat around, but if she knew some were up dancing and others were talking about memories, not only would Marie be happy but so would the two prospects and Big John.

Once my glass is empty, I slide off of the stool and see Lauren heading my way.

“How you doing?” She asks glancing at the empty glass and shot glass beside me.

“Great.” I smile. “Just having a drink before I go and meet Devlin.”

Lauren looks a little confused for a second and then opens her mouth in shock standing closer to me. “You’re going all the way?”

Lauren knows everything about me, she’s seen all of my scars up and close because we were together for most of them. She knows how I feel about my body and I’ve talked with her in great lengths many times about my worries of Devlin seeing my most intimate scars.

“I don’t know, but I’m ready to at least try.” I whisper back.

“Have you told him about the scars yet?” She asks. Lauren thought that if I told him before then it might be better for both of us.

“No.” I look down to my feet. “I couldn’t do it.”

Lauren gives me a hug. “You’ll be great. You’re beautiful Tash and I can see how much Devlin loves you. I never thought I would see the day that he would settle down.” We both laugh, but then Lauren switches back to being serious. “Trust me, you will both be fine.”

Lauren’s phone alerts and when she looks down at it she breaks out into a huge smile. “I got go babe, looks like you’re not the only one getting lucky tonight.”

“Wait.” I stop her. “Is this weird? I mean, it’s a funeral.”

“I know.” She laughs. “Seriously I think all four of them would be cheering us on, especially Marie with you and Devlin.”

“Yeah.” I smile. “She would be pushing me into the room.”

Lauren gives me a hug, promises to meet me at breakfast and then leaves to join Grim. I bet Devlin’s finished with Franky too then. Just as I’m about to head in the direction of Devlin’s room, Drew saunters over. By the swaying of her hips and the heavy drop of her eyes, she’s drunk.

I’m not surprised, before the funeral I was given a short brief of what MC funerals were all about. Unlike the standard funeral, where everyone cries and sits around in sadness, a club version is drinking, dancing and just being happy. It’s to celebrate the life of those who have passed and I must say, I much prefer this kind of funeral than any others I’ve been to in the past. Of course people have cried, I was sobbing not long ago but then you have a drink and dance and it feels as if Marie is here, watching us all have a good night in honour of her.