“I’m not trying to be inappropriate. It’s just, he had an incident a few weeks ago, and I was just worried . . .” I trailed off, feeling like a complete ass.

“I’m more than aware of Maxx’s incident. As to his current treatment, that is none of your business,” Kristie said archly.

“So, he is in treatment?” I couldn’t help but ask, latching on to that tiny shred of information that it was obvious Kristie hadn’t meant to give me. Was that where he had gone? Was that the explanation for his sudden disappearance? And if he had, what did that mean for Maxx? For me? For the ultimatum I had given him?

Kristie shook her head, then turned and walked quickly toward the parking lot. Even though Kristie’s opinion of me shouldn’t have mattered, I felt ashamed as I slowly walked back toward my apartment. Even more, I hated the mad flutter of hope that Kristie’s admission had unleashed.

But I couldn’t ignore it. Old habits die hard, I supposed. Once it had taken root, the thought wouldn’t leave: there was a chance Maxx was out there somewhere, doing the very thing I had wanted him to. Putting himself back together.

My steps quickened and I broke into a sprint.

My words to Maxx during that last fateful phone call weeks before flashed wildly through my frantic brain: Get your shit together, Maxx. And do it for yourself, and for no one else. And then maybe I can learn to trust you again, trust myself to be with you.

If Maxx was in rehab, that meant he had heard me. He had taken what I said and decided to live it.

What did that mean?

Why did it have to mean anything?

Suddenly I was running hard and fast, as though chased by the thoughts that seemed to dog my steps.

I burst through the door of my apartment, my face flushed, my breathing erratic. I needed the calm of my own space in order to sort out my spinning thoughts.

“Whoa! Where’s the fire?” Brooks asked, coming from the kitchen.

I frowned. “What are you doing here?” I didn’t mean to sound rude. But I couldn’t deal with Brooks. Not now. Not with uneasy questions about Maxx on my mind.

Renee appeared behind him, a bag of carrot sticks and a jar of dip in her hands. She took one look at my face and knew something was up.

“Okay, well, can we rain-check on the movie, Brooks? I can tell Aubrey isn’t really up to it. You look exhausted, sweetie,” Renee cooed, dropping the carrots and dip on the coffee table and crossing the room to where I was standing, feeling completely overwhelmed.

Brooks peered at me in his analytical way. “What happened, Aubrey?” he asked, thankfully keeping his distance. I knew I couldn’t handle any physical contact from him right now.

“Nothing, I’m fine. Just extremely tired. I’m not really in the mood for company right now, Brooks. No offense,” I said, grimacing.

Brooks looked as though he wanted to argue with me, but he grabbed his car keys, and with a strained smile, walked out the door with a promise to call me later.

“Okay, the testosterone is gone, now tell me what the hell happened to make you look as though you have seen a ghost,” Renee demanded, taking me by the arm and leading me to the couch.

I covered my face with my hands. “It’s so freaking stupid,” I groaned, feeling silly for my over-the-top reaction. “I ran into some people from the support group,” I began.

“That had to have been awkward,” Renee deduced, and I nodded.

“Yeah, it wasn’t what you would describe as . . . comfortable,” I admitted, biting my bottom lip. “Then Kristie came out and pretty much chewed me a new one for ‘interacting’ with the group members,” I said, rolling my eyes. I was happy to feel anger replacing embarrassment.

“That’s ridiculous! It’s not like you were hanging out with them or anything,” Renee reasoned, and I threw my hands in the air in exasperation.

“I know,” I said quietly.

Renee sighed. “But that’s not why you look like that. What else happened?” she asked.

I ran my hands through my long blond hair, pulling slightly until I felt a sharp tug at my scalp. Somehow the bite of pain cleared my head.

“I think Maxx went to rehab,” I said finally after a period of silence.

Renee didn’t say anything. She dropped her eyes to her hands, which were folded in her lap.

“He hasn’t been back to the support group since being in the hospital,” I continued in a whisper.

“So . . .” Renee began.

“And he hasn’t been home in weeks,” I said in a rush, not making eye contact with my friend.

Renee frowned. “And you would know that how?”

“Because I went to his apartment,” I told her quietly, my face suddenly hot.

I sounded like a stalker.

Or worse . . . an absolute idiot.

Renee cleared her throat and thankfully chose not to address my mortified confession.

“So you think that because he’s not in group and hasn’t been home that he’s in rehab? There are other possibilities, you know, Aubrey. Possibilities that are just as likely and not so pink and rosy,” Renee pointed out.

“Yeah, I know. But it was something Kristie said. Something about Maxx’s treatment not being any of my business.”

“And she’s right,” Renee replied gently.

“No! Don’t you get it! If it’s not my business, then that means he’s in treatment! He’s doing the very thing I wanted him to!” My voice rose, and frustrated tears stung my eyes.

I was getting entirely too worked up, and I knew it. Renee shook her head. “So what if he’s in rehab? What would that change?”

“Everything,” I let out on a breath, admitting the thing that I would never be able to voice to anyone else.

Renee frowned again, two thin lines forming between her eyebrows. “How does Maxx being in rehab change anything, Aubrey?”

I twisted my fingers together over and over, not sure I could admit what lay in my heart.

“I don’t know!” I agonized, covering my face with my hands. I was confused. I was angry. I was irritatingly hopeful.

I was a freaking mess.

Renee gently pulled my hands away from my face and gave them a squeeze. The naked sympathy on her face curdled my gut. I knew what she was thinking.

That I was dancing back toward that place I had only just left behind. That seeing me losing my head over the man I had sworn to have nothing to do with only proved how incapable I was of letting him go.

Was she right?

Damn it, yes, she was.

“What if I told you Devon was getting help for his anger? That he was in counseling? Would that automatically erase all of the things he did to me? Does it change the fact that together, we were dysfunctional and unhealthy?” Renee asked quietly.

“The situations are completely different,” I countered sharply. Why was I being so defensive? What was I trying to convince her of ? Or was I trying to convince myself that hearing the news that Maxx might be in rehab could quite possibly open that door again.

What was wrong with me?

“Are they? Because three months ago, I know what your answer would have been. You would never have let me hold on to the unrealistic possibility that the man who hurt me so badly would change. This isn’t a romance novel, Aubrey. Love can’t make things all better. No matter how much we want it to.” Renee’s face was wet and her lips quivered.

“You spent the last year watching me lose myself in a relationship that almost destroyed me. I didn’t see the damage my love for Devon was inflicting. But now that I’m on the other side of it, it’s easy to see those same mistakes in someone else. Aubrey, Maxx loves you. I have no doubt. But he is not someone you can depend on. At least not right now. You made the right choice when you walked away. You almost lost everything, and now your focus needs to be on you and fixing what went wrong in your life.”

I needed her realism. Her heavy dose of common sense. It was the medicine I had to swallow no matter how bitter the taste.