I was surprised by how close it was to the center of town. It was a bit more conspicuous than was usual for the underground scene. I got out of my car and was hit by a wave of déjà vu. The pounding bass could be heard in the distance. The dizzying wave of energy seemed to emanate from the building ahead of me.

Groups of people moved forward, beckoned by the siren’s call of madness and illusion that Compulsion promised. I felt a momentary apprehension and thought briefly about getting back into my car and heading home. But I also felt the pull of the music. Of the knowledge that what lay inside was unlike anything I’d experience anywhere else. Though knowing how easy it would be to surrender myself didn’t provide the comfort it once had. But I was powerless against it all the same.

The line wove in and out of the trees as one by one people were admitted or denied entry. The usual extremes were out in force, from the woman who seemed to be wearing plastic wrap and a bow tie, to the guy with his entire face covered in tattoos. Each person had done all they could to make it seem like they belonged. Because that’s exactly what they were searching for.

Belonging.

I looked down at my woefully inferior club attire and almost laughed. Once again, here I was, waiting to be let inside and dressed like a walking, talking J.Crew catalogue.

But I joined the line anyway and waited my turn. I recognized Randy, the bouncer, and Marco, Maxx’s friend taking money at the door. I only hoped one or both recognized me. Though I couldn’t count on that. They encountered hundreds of people every night, and my interactions with Marco had been brief. I seriously doubted they’d remember me.

I rolled the hem of my shirt, knotting it between my fingers in my sudden bout of nervousness. Why did I think this was a good idea?

“Are you for real?” Randy barked, pulling me out of my thoughts. I blinked, a little confused by his antagonism.

“Excuse me?” I squeaked out.

Randy pointed at my gender-neutral ensemble. “You can’t come in wearing that shit,” he growled, the words getting lost in the growth of his beard.

“Let her in. I need to talk to her,” Marco cut in, stepping in front of Randy and waving me past.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, looking up at Marco. I offered a smile, which died a sad little death as I took in the irritation on his face. Was that directed at me? What had I done?

“Cover for me for a few minutes,” he told Randy, who only nodded. Marco looked back down at me, his eyes hooded in the darkness, the metal in his lip and eyebrow gleaming in the dismal lighting. He didn’t just look irritated. He looked pissed.

And more than a little scary.

He wrapped his hand around my upper arm and all but dragged me into the club. The music jarred my bones as I was pushed into a dark alcove off from the dance floor.

I tried to wiggle free of Marco’s pincerlike grasp, but he wasn’t letting go.

“You’re hurting me!” I protested, straining to be heard over the thumping bass.

“Where is he?” Marco shouted in my face.

His question caught me off guard.

“What?” I asked.

“X, or Maxx, whatever he’s calling himself. Where the fuck is he? There are people, serious people, who are looking for him.” Marco glowered at me, as if I was the one responsible for Maxx’s MIA status.

“How would I know?” I argued, though Marco’s questions gave me some of the confirmation I had been looking for.

Maxx wasn’t here. He hadn’t been in some time.

And even though it still didn’t answer the question of where he had gone, I could at least be comforted in the knowledge that he hadn’t gone back to this.

Marco gave my arm a little shake. “Because he’s been stuck up your ass for months. I knew he was pulling back because of you. I know the signs of pussy-whipped when I see it. Now, where the hell did that little fuck disappear to?”

Remembering some old-school self-defense, I stepped on Marco’s foot and gave him a hearty shove in the center of his chest, causing him to fall backward and let go of my arm.

I rubbed the throbbing skin and took a few steps away from him.

“Don’t ever grab me like that again! I don’t know where the hell Maxx is!” I seethed, wincing as my fingers ran over obviously bruised flesh. But clearly my indignation overruled my fear of this scary-looking man.

Gazing around, I didn’t experience the energetic rush that I used to have. Compulsion wasn’t the mysterious and seductive world it had once been. I didn’t care about the pounding beat or the promise of surrender that lay beyond me.

Instead, the place just seemed dark and terrifying. Without Maxx, without his enigmatic but constant presence, it felt cold and lonely. The people swaying to the frantic beat looked desperate and delusional. This place was a lie that they couldn’t see.

It wasn’t an escape. It was a trap. Because none of it was real.

This was the mask that hid an ugly reality. One that had almost killed Maxx.

One that had almost destroyed me.

Marco advanced on me and once again invaded my personal space. “Look, I’m not trying to be an asshole here. I’m just the guy trying to keep your boyfriend in one piece. Because I can tell you, if he doesn’t show up soon, there are certain individuals who would like nothing better than to mess up that pretty face of his,” Marco warned, and I was relieved when he didn’t touch me again.

I pressed myself against the brick, wondering about the chances I had if I kneed him in the balls and ran for it.

Marco braced one hand on the wall beside my head and leaned in close. I could smell the stale cigarettes and mint gum on his breath. It made me faintly nauseous.

“I’ve watched his back for years. And what do I get for it? My ass in a sling. You tell him he owes me. More than he realizes,” Marco said in a low voice. I felt a shiver of alarm.

Marco brushed my hair away from my neck and leaned in close. “He’s put a lot on the line for you. I hope you’re fucking worth it,” he whispered before pushing himself away from the wall.

I stood paralyzed in the darkened corner. Coming to Compulsion had been a very bad idea.

My feet wouldn’t move. I was trembling so badly that I thought I’d fall over. Finally, after I was able to walk without wobbling, I inched my way into the large, open room where the club was in full swing. The lights flashed madly, creating a strobe effect. It made me feel as though I were walking in slow motion.

My eyes scanned the crowd, but I didn’t recognize anyone.

I didn’t feel like dancing. I didn’t feel like getting lost in the throng of moving bodies that pressed around me.

I was done with the whole damn thing.

The mystique of this world was lost on me now that I saw it for what it really was. And in some small way and in spite of my run-in with Marco, it made the entire trip out here worth it.

The tantalizing taste of closure was there, just within reach. And I finally felt strong enough to grab it.

And it was time for me to get the hell out of there.

Before I could make my way through the crowd, someone knocked into me. I lurched forward, my hands coming out in front of me as I collided with the very hard floor.

And just like the first time I had come to Compulsion, I feared that I was two seconds away from being trampled to death.

I was grabbed rather viciously by the arm and yanked to my feet. A far cry from the gentle hands that had helped me once before.

I fumbled to find my footing and then was brutally pushed. I stumbled again and would have fallen if not for my renewed sense of balance. I peered into the murky darkness and recoiled when I caught sight of the last people I ever wanted to see.

April and Evan, the maladjusted couple from the addictions support group, stared back at me. April half smirking, half guilty. Evan sneering and hateful.