“Oh, yeah, Lisa. Hey, how’ve you been?” I asked, not really caring.

“Not so good. Twyla got busted last week for having a bottle of Oxi in her room. Her parents pulled her out of school,” Lisa said, and I tried to remember who Twyla was.

“Oh, well, that sucks,” I said, turning my attention back to the computer screen as I scanned the want ads.

“Yeah, it really does, now I don’t have a roommate. So anyway, where have you been? Are you not coming to group anymore?” she asked, and I was three seconds away from telling her to take a hike.

“Nope,” I answered shortly, grabbing a pen from the cup on the desk and writing down a few numbers of jobs that could have potential.

“I understand, it’s so boring. Kristie has a new guy in there helping out now that Aubrey is gone. And he sucks even worse than she did.”

Her flippant comment caught my attention. “Wait, Aubrey’s not helping out in the group anymore?” I asked.

Lisa’s eyes widened. “Oh, that’s right! You guys were involved! But you’re not anymore, right?” she asked, frowning slightly.

How the hell did this chick know that Aubrey and I had been together? Aubrey had gone to a lot of trouble to make sure that no one ever found out. Hell, I was hammered in the head over and over again about how bad it would be if anyone ever knew. It had never occurred to me that Aubrey had to face any repercussions as a result of our relationship. “What are you talking about?” I demanded, not confirming or denying what Lisa was saying.

“So, it’s not true? Twyla had told me that she heard you two were together and that’s why Aubrey wasn’t helping out anymore. Got kicked out or something. Whatever, she was way too straight edge. Don’t you remember how she flipped out on Kyle?”

I got to my feet so abruptly that my chair was knocked over. I didn’t bother to pick it up as I left.

chapter

fifteen

aubrey

after Boundaries and Ethics class, I ended up blowing off the rest of my day. My run-in with Maxx that morning had rattled me, and all I wanted was a bubble bath and to rearrange my closet. I needed to get my equilibrium back. I was proud that I’d been able to walk away with my head and heart intact, but I still felt unsettled.

Renee was in class until early evening, so I had the place to myself. I turned my music on, blasting old-school Nine Inch Nails and pulling all of my shoes and sweaters out of my closet. I was knee-deep in shoeboxes when the doorbell chimed. I stood up and wiped my dusty hands on my jeans, pulled my stringy hair into a low bun, and headed out to the living room. The doorbell rang again and I growled in frustration. “Hold your horses,” I muttered as I turned the lock and opened the door, not bothering to look through the peephole.

And then I froze. I should have known walking away from Maxx had been too easy.

“What are you doing here?” I asked shortly, thinking about shutting the door in his face.

He frowned, the lines between his eyebrows deepening. “We need to talk.”

“Well, I’m sort of busy—” I began, but Maxx cut me off. He stepped forward, forcing me to back up and let him into the apartment.

He shut the door behind him and stared at me with an intensity that made my stomach drop into my scuffed sneakers.

“No. We need to talk now,” he said, his words strong and brooking no argument.

I crossed my arms over my chest and leveled my hardest glare in his direction.

“Uh, excuse me? Where do you get off?” I fumed.

Maxx closed his eyes, clearly frustrated.

Well, that makes two of us, buddy.

Maxx opened his eyes again, the blue blazing with a ferocity that made me take another step back. “What happened after I went to rehab?”

Huh?

“What are you talking about?” I asked, confused.

Maxx advanced toward me and I backed up until my legs hit the side of the couch and I was forced to sit down on the arm, a position that gave him too much of an advantage, but I couldn’t move.

“You’re not leading the support group anymore. Why?” he asked, his words clipped and harsh, as though the thought really pissed him off.

Why would he be angry about whether or not I was facilitating that stupid support group anymore?

“Why?” I snipped. I leaned back, trying to get some distance, but I was in danger of sliding down the arm of the couch and onto my back. That inelegant move would have made me look even more ridiculous than I already felt.

“Can you give me a little space here? You’re making me feel claustrophobic,” I said, holding my hands out, making sure not to touch him.

Maxx looked at the shrinking space between us and muttered, “Sorry.”

“Can I sit down?” he asked, looking suddenly unsure. For all of his bluster only moments before when he had barged into my apartment, his confidence seemed to have waned.

“Sure, it’s not like I’m going to be able to make you leave, am I?” I threw back at him.

Maxx winced and I felt a little bad for being so hateful. But only a little.

“I didn’t mean to just march over here like this. But I heard some stuff today and I needed to see you. To hear from you that it wasn’t true. Because if it is true, God, if it is . . .” He trailed off and stared at me again, his eyes wide and suddenly anguished.

I felt that uncontrollable pull toward him again. But I ignored it. It was a matter of survival to pretend it didn’t exist at all.

“You’re not making a whole lot of sense, Maxx,” I said wearily. He seemed . . . tortured, and that need to take care of him reared its traitorous head. It took everything inside of me to not pull him close and hold him the way I would have done without reservation once before.

“I heard—” He stopped abruptly and swallowed audibly before speaking again. “I heard that you were kicked out or something. I didn’t get the whole story. But I heard it was because of me. Because of us. That you got in trouble as a result of our relationship. Is that true?”

Maxx’s insistence irritated me. I was unsettled having him here, in my space like this. He enveloped. Took over. Consumed.

“Why would it matter if it were true?” I asked sharply in an attempt to hide my unease.

Maxx covered his face with his hands and scrubbed his fingers down his cheeks as he raised his head to meet my eyes.

“Because the last thing I have ever wanted was for you to be brought down with me. I never wanted what I was, what I chose to do, to impact your life like that.”

“Are you serious?” I scoffed.

Maxx reared back as though I had slapped him. “Yes, I’m serious!”

“Because if you ever thought for one second that your habit . . . that who you are,” I spat out, “wouldn’t affect me, then you were even more deluded than I thought.” Maxx opened his mouth as if to argue, but I shook my head, cutting him off.

“C’mon, Maxx! I loved you! We were together! We made the decision to share our lives, for whatever that was worth. I warned you about the risks for both of us! But I made my bed and now I’m lying in it. Because that’s life, Maxx. When we make bad decisions, we have to deal with the fallout!” I yelled. I was getting worked up. I couldn’t help it.

“I know there are consequences, Aubrey! I’m one big, walking consequence! You think I don’t realize that? But, God, I never meant for any of this to happen!” We were both breathing rapidly. Maxx’s face was flushed and his eyes were a little wild. I knew that I must look the same way.

“I need to make this right. For you. For us,” he stated emphatically.

I shook my head. “There is no us, Maxx. I told you that,” I said tiredly.

Maxx’s eyes flashed with fury. “I don’t believe that, Aubrey, and I don’t believe that you believe that! There will always be an us!”