I started thinking of how to put the pieces back together.

The caged tiger of my addiction snarled angrily from where it lay trapped but noisy inside of me.

Aubrey.

Just her name quieted the voice in my head that wanted something altogether more damaging.

Aubrey.

The scary truth was that I couldn’t do this without her.

And I was determined that I wouldn’t have to.

chapter

four

aubrey

“i love you so much, Aubrey,” Maxx murmured, his lips tracing a path from my temple down the side of my face. I could feel the imprint of his mouth on my skin. The slight tremble as he kissed a line along my jaw.

I took a deep breath, pulling the scent of him into my lungs. My eyes were closed. I couldn’t see him, but I really wanted to. I wanted to look into his blue eyes and see how much he wanted me. How much he loved me.

But I couldn’t open my eyes. I was trapped in a world of darkness.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Maxx whispered, his breath fanning across my face. His hands slipped up the front of my shirt, and I felt his confident fingers molding to my breasts. I relaxed into his familiar touch. I ached for him. Every cell, every nerve responded to only him.

I wanted to say his name. I wanted to tell him that I loved him. That I missed him. That I was miserable without him in my life.

But my mouth, like my eyes, seemed to be fused shut. I was blind. I was mute. I could only feel as Maxx rubbed my nipples, a sharp bite as he pinched them almost viciously and then rubbed again gently, worshipfully. The soft pressure an unspoken apology.

“You’re mine, Aubrey. Always mine.” Maxx sounded so angry. Betrayal was thick in his voice as he pulled my shirt over my head and all but ripped my bra away from my hot skin. He sucked on my chest, and I felt a sharp prick of pain as I felt his teeth dig into my flesh.

Maxx was biting me! Hard!

I tried to lift my hands and push him away, but I couldn’t. Everything was dark. I couldn’t yell. I couldn’t move.

I could only feel as the man I loved pulled the skin from my bones with his teeth. The searing pain burned in my throat with my need to scream.

I felt Maxx’s tongue as he lapped the warm blood that flowed from the wound. And he wouldn’t stop. Not until he had consumed me completely.

He was devouring me. Eating me alive.

“You lied to me, Aubrey. You said you’d stay. You said you loved me. But you walked away. You left me all alone,” Maxx growled, his fingers piercing into my back, burrowing their way into my skin.

He was tearing me apart.

Literally.

And I was helpless to stop him.

“You were supposed to save me, Aubrey!” His anguished wail was like ice picks inside my head.

“I love you! Why wasn’t that enough?” Maxx roared just as his teeth punctured my heart.

I sat upright in my bed with a gasp. I was covered in a fine sheen of sweat, and my pulse fluttered madly. My hands shook as I pushed hair from my face.

My God, that was intense.

I put my fingers to my chest, touching the smooth skin. I could still feel the sharp twist of dream Maxx’s teeth. The warmth of my blood. The sound of his angry but panicked voice in my ears.

I took a deep breath and turned on my bedside lamp. Looking at the clock, I saw that it was only three in the morning.

I knew there would be no going back to sleep for me, so I got up and slid my feet into the worn pair of slippers peeking out from beneath my duvet, which had fallen onto the floor.

Insomnia and I had become close friends over the last few weeks. And when I did eventually fall asleep, it wasn’t for long. My nightmares made sure of that. My subconscious was attacking me when I was at my most vulnerable. Reminding me of everything I should be ashamed of.

Strangely, I had slept a deep, dreamless sleep at Maxx’s apartment. It had been the first time I had gotten a few solid hours without waking up shaking and covered in fear-soaked sweat.

I didn’t want to focus too much on the implications of that.

I sat down on the couch and turned on the television, flipping to the channel I knew was showing reruns of I Love Lucy.

“Can’t sleep either, huh?” I looked up as Renee walked into the room. Her red hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and there were dark circles under her eyes. It seemed I wasn’t the only one who had been trying to slay their demons while they slept.

I patted the cushion beside me. “Have a seat and enjoy Lucille Ball with me,” I told her, offering a wan smile. When things with Maxx had gone so horribly wrong, Renee had been there. And when the sounds of my friend’s crying had pulled me out of my self-indulgent misery, I had comforted her in the only way heartbroken people can. With complete and total empathy.

We had learned how to help each other and in some small way mend the parts of us that had shattered.

Renee gave me a tired smile in return and sat down on the couch, curling her legs up underneath her. She didn’t say anything, and I recognized in her the same pain that resided in my chest. Sometimes, looking at my best friend was like looking in a mirror. As much as I hated it for myself, I hated it for her more.

After watching her lose herself for months, seeing her resurrection was inspiring. Devon hadn’t been one to go away quietly, and I knew that he pushed and pulled my friend, trying to make her cave and come back to him.

I heard his sobbing messages. I saw the notes and flowers he left by the front door. And although she hadn’t shed a tear for Devon since the day she had gotten the protective order, I knew how hard it was for her to turn her back on the man she had loved, no matter how horrible he had been.

Renee rarely spoke about Devon anymore. The few times I had brought him up, she had been firm in her resolve to stay away from him.

“There comes a point when a person can only take so much, Aubrey. And even though my heart doesn’t agree, my head knows I’m better off without him.” Her words had resonated. And I was envious of how strong she was.

Because every day I waffled between firm resolve and wishful thinking, with a splash of delusional hope.

I turned my attention back to the TV, hoping Lucy’s antics would erase, at least for a little while, all of the anguish neither one of us could escape. We sat in silence, watching the black-and-white television show, neither of us really paying attention to what was on the screen.

“Will it ever stop hurting?” I asked quietly after a while, rubbing the painful spot over my heart that never really went away.

There’s a saying that time heals all wounds. Whoever had spoken those particular words hadn’t had their life uprooted by Maxx Demelo. I couldn’t imagine time making any of it any easier. If anything, time only intensified the sense of emptiness in my gut where his love had once been.

Renee reached out and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. I stilled, unsure how to reciprocate the physical affection, feeling stuck in that strange place between needing the comfort and wanting to deny needing it at all. In the end, I slid closer, and the two of us sat in the lingering stillness of our silent agony.

“I sure hope so,” my best friend whispered back, an unspoken understanding in her simple statement. There were no false assurances. No insincere declarations.

It was only a plain truth given from one broken heart to another.