Banging another man? Absolutely! xoxo

Except just a few minutes shy of five, a phone call chimed. Sam greeted her mother cheerfully, expecting the usual family gossip, but it was a different sort of news that followed. Sam felt the weight of the real world come crashing down around her, as painful and sudden as a shot in the heart.

She hung up with tears streaming, wetting her shirt collar and slipping between her breasts. It was all she could do to tap out a shaky text to Bern. Something just came up. I have to cancel tonight – I’m sorry. I’ll explain soon. She set her phone aside, throat so tight it ached, eyes raw.

Mike was probably still having drinks. Going to call you later tonight, she texted. Try to be free after dinner. She’d try his phone at seven, when she and Bern had been due to hit RECORD for him. It might interrupt his social plans, but she needed to talk to him so badly. Needed him here with her, as the news left her feeling suspended, the earth crumbled away from beneath her feet. She gripped the counter’s edge, rocked by a sob, and moaned into the emptiness. Seven couldn’t come soon enough, though the wait would give her time to compose herself. She’d take a bath. That would —

The doorbell chimed.

“Oh fuck.” Her phone said it was six fifteen, so it could only be Bern. She rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands, but there was no way he’d miss that she’d been crying. She’d showered after a long run but not gotten around to changing or doing her makeup before the news had struck. It didn’t matter now. It felt as though nothing mattered anymore.

She twisted the bolt and opened the door, her sheepish smile quivering. “Hi.”

“Hey.” He paused, his own smile wilting. He had a bottle of wine under one arm. “Are you okay?”

She laughed, feeling mixed up and freaked out and ridiculous. An utter mess. “Not at all, no. Sorry. I texted, but you were probably already driving.”

“Did you need to cancel?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah. I just got some bad news. I’m not really feeling very…” And she trailed off, voice swallowed by a warble. “Sorry,” she gasped.

“Hey, it’s okay. I should’ve checked my phone. I didn’t mean to intrude… Maybe you should sit down a sec.” He stepped inside and shut the door.

She wiped at her runny nose with her wrist and they walked down the hall to the living room. Sam sank onto the couch cushions. She reached for a tissue but the box was empty.

“Hang on.” Bern set the wine bottle on the breakfast bar and disappeared inside the bathroom, returning with a roll of toilet paper. “Here.”

Grinning in embarrassment, Sam accepted it. “Thank you.” She blew her nose. “Are you feeling seduced yet?” she joked, heart loosening by a degree when Bern smiled.

His gaze was mild, calm. Kind. “Can I ask what happened?”

“You can, but only if you’re prepared for me to have three dimensions.”

He looked troubled at that, eyebrows drawing together. She’d never seen him wear that expression before.

“I mean, only if we want to wreck our group fantasy,” she said, “by you seeing me as more than just your… whatever you think of me as. Kinky fling partner? We’ve managed to keep everything all fun and games before now. I’d hate to drag it down.”

“You’re my lover, Sam, not a blow-up doll. You’ve had three dimensions since the first time we talked on the phone. You’ve had about six since what happened last weekend. And if my acting like a friend to you feels too intimate…” He laughed again, softly, voice dropping to a near whisper. “Sam, your husband’s sucked my dick. You think a little crying’s going to scare me off?”

She had to smile, tears still slipping free. “When you put it like that…”

“So what happened?”

“My cousin died.”

“Oh God, that sucks. I’m so sorry.”

Sam nodded. “Thank you. I haven’t seen her in years – she lived in Tehran, like most of my dad’s family does. But she used to visit every summer when we were kids.”

“You guys were close?”

“I’m two years older, but she was always more sophisticated and worldly than me, so it felt like we came of age together, sort of time-lapse-style.”

“Can I ask what…”

“She was walking, and I guess someone ran a red light. Just one of those freaky things.”

“Shit. That fucking sucks, Sam.” He paused. “Wish I had something more poetic or comforting to say. But mostly that just really sucks.”

Sam laughed, fresh sobs rising. “That’s all that can be said about it, really. So thanks… Anyhow, I’m just dealing with that. My mom only called around five, so I’m still in shock.”

“Sure. Want me to go, or stick around and distract you?”

“God, I dunno.” She smoothed her hair back, curls wild and fuzzy from air-drying. “I’m such a fucking mess tonight.”

“I’ll at least stick around for a bit. It’s no good being on your own right after you get news like that.”

“I don’t really feel like talking about it.”

“Sure. We’ll talk about other stuff, then.”

She dabbed at her eyes. “Like?”

“Like anything… Like when did your dad come here? To the States?”

“In his early thirties, with my mom. He’s an engineering professor.”

“Really? My dad’s an engineer. Or was – he retired a couple of years ago.”

“Oh?” Sam mustered the energy to make small talk. It felt nice, actually. A relief. “Let me guess – electrical engineering?”

“No, structural. Rail and bridge infrastructure.”

“What about your mom?”

“She teaches high school English.”

Sam considered that. “Is that how an electrician came to write his e-mails and texts with such studious capitalization and punctuation?”

Bern smiled. “Yup, that’s her fault.”

“So how’d you get into your field?”

“It’s a pretty boring story.”

“Boring sounds nice, just now.” It beat sad, certainly. “Tell me.”

“Well, my parents are hard-asses,” he said, “and if I was going to college, I had to pay my own way. I didn’t want to do farmwork, which is most of what there is to do where I’m from. I tried driving delivery trucks but hated that. My dad got me connected with a contractor friend, and I just… I dunno, I really liked it. I did menial work for a couple of years when I was eighteen, nineteen, and thought the electrical stuff looked the most interesting, so I got certified. Then I apprenticed for a guy I knew from that contracting company, worked a few years, and realized that all that time, I’d been saving money for this education I was supposed to get, except there was no other field I was all that interested in. I was happy doing what I was, and getting paid well for it. So. Here I am.”

“Here you are,” she agreed, and her gaze dropped from his eyes to his chest, to his long legs, his strong hands. It wasn’t a lustful scrutiny, just a momentary rush of… something softer. Something humbling. Gratitude to have him here, acting like a friend. Being a friend. Being three-dimensional, just as she’d feared becoming to him.

Why wouldn’t I want that? I don’t really want to sleep with the idea of a man. I want to sleep with a human being. A hot, charismatic one with undeniable skills in bed and a very, very open mind. A kind one, too, who made her feel human in return.

Even if he didn’t feel like comforting and distracting her, even if he wished he’d gotten her text and saved himself the trip… even if he’d go home disappointed that he hadn’t gotten laid, he was doing everything a friend would. Setting his wants aside, treating her well. And it was undeniably calming. Her body hurt less. Her heart had loosened some, and that choking sensation had faded along with the initial shock of the sad news.

They chatted more about their upbringings, about Sam’s college years, about the small town where Bern had grown up, about Pittsburgh. When the conversation hit a natural break, she sighed, feeling lighter.