We ride the elevator to the fifth floor and when the doors open, I am greeted with a rooftop terrace lit up with pretty white fairy lights around the perimeter and perfectly round potted trees lit up with more fairy lights wound around them.

“Wow. It’s gorgeous up here,” I gasp, wide eyed.

“Sure is. It’s the best kept secret in London.”

There are only a few people up here. A secret bar reserved for VIPs. It actually reminds me a little of the Sky Lounge back home, and my mind drifts to the last night I went there with Spike, Arianna and Denham. That was an awesome night. The first proper night out with Arianna after she came home. We were all so carefree and happy. Moving on.

“Cocktail?” Luke asks, snapping me out of my memories.

“Uh, yeah. Why not?”

“Any preference?”

I’m tempted to ask for a dirty martini, but I’ve reminisced enough tonight and I should be trying something new. Trying to move on. “Surprise me. Just nothing too sweet.” I screw my nose up at the thought of a sugary, sweet cocktail.

“Okay, nothing sweet, coming right up,” Luke laughs, and I roll my eyes. “You wanna find somewhere to sit?”

“Sure.”

I walk along the perimeter of the rooftop, running my fingertip along the shiny chrome bars on top of the wall. The view over the Thames is spectacular and I take out my cell and snap a couple of pictures to send to Arianna and Denham. I contemplate sending one to Spike too. He would love the view up here. He would love London. Well, he would have … before the accident. I can’t even imagine how it would be to try and tackle the crowds of London in a wheelchair.

The walls are lined with wicker sofas and plush cushions. Perfect for settling in to drink cocktails and look at the stars. I take a seat in the corner where it’s quiet, slip off my sandals and tuck my feet underneath me on the chair.

“Here.” Luke says and he hands me a tall glass filled with a lime green liquid and plenty of ice.

“What is it?”

“A mojito,” he informs me.

“Oh, I’ve heard of that. You sure it’s not sweet?”

“Why don’t you try it for yourself?” He nods, indicating to my drink before taking a sip of his own.

Then I freeze. Sensibility takes over the loose alcohol induced thoughts in my brain. “Hang on. I don’t even know you. Why should I trust you? You could have spiked my drink or something. God, I’m so stupid. So fucking stupid.” I jump off the chair, slipping my feet into my sandals and try to balance without spilling my drink. “I’m losing my badass,” I mumble under my breath. “Seriously. I’m sorry, I gotta go. You drink it.” I thrust the drink at him, giving him no choice but to take it from my hand. He looks at me like I’m a mad woman. He’s right. I am.

“Lottie, wait,” he calls out after me. “Lottie. I’m not trying to drug you … I wouldn’t, I, ask Spike …”

My body stops. My mind screams. The whole rooftop seems to still. The breeze drops and I’m not sure if it’s coincidental or if the other patrons have actually stopped their conversations to listen to ours. I turn and pin him with a questioning glare, “What did you just say?”

He drops his head back and takes a deep breath before looking at me. “Lottie, will you please come and sit back here with me so we can talk without the whole of London knowing your business?”

“You know Spike?” My voice comes out at barely a whisper as I walk slowly back to him. This is supposed to be a getaway from Las Vegas and the screw up that ensued. But Spike seems to permeate every part of my life.

“Yes.” He nods.

“How?” I sit on the edge of the chair and Luke hands me back my drink, which I take.

“We met on a student exchange. I stayed with his family. He stayed with mine. We’ve kept in touch ever since. Not often. But, he’s a cool bloke.”

“I don’t understand. How do you know … How …?”

He scrubs a hand across his face and eyes me warily. “He wanted to make sure you were safe. When he called, I told him I’d look out for you. Although you make it pretty difficult when you leave early in the morning and don’t get back here until late. I mean, you could have helped me out a little,” he jokes, trying to make light of the conversation.

“He asked you to watch me?” I whisper, more to myself than Luke.

“No. Not exactly.”

“The Prosecco. Was that from my friend, Ari?”

“What did it say on the card?”

“I didn’t ask you to answer me with a question,” I snap, getting irritated that he won’t tell me the truth. “It was from Spike, wasn’t it? What is wrong with everyone? First Arianna and D book me the room, then Spike gets you to keep an eye on me. They don’t think I’m capable of looking after myself, do they?” I pull my cell out of my pocket and open a new message to text Spike. It’s irrational and unjustified but I need him to back the hell off.

“What are you doing?” Luke asks, sitting forward with a worried look on his face.

“I’m telling Spike to fuck off,” I hiss at him. He raises his eyebrows in surprise at my tone. “I’m sorry, I know it’s not your fault. But I don’t need babysitting. I don’t need looking after. And I don’t need Spike barging in on my life from almost the other side of the world, okay?”

He smirks at me. He actually smirks and leans back in his chair, resting his ankle on the opposite knee. “He said you were feisty.” He takes a mouthful of his mojito and watches as my anger starts to simmer down a little, helped along by his cool demeanor. “Look, I know you want to do this on your own. He just wanted to make sure you were safe, that’s all.”

“When did you speak with him last?” I say quietly, wanting to know how he is. Desperately trying to stop myself from calling him, just to hear his voice.

“Early hours of this morning.” He sits forward on his seat, no doubt getting ready for a barrage of questions.

“Oh,” I answer. There’s actually a little bit of jealousy that runs through me knowing he spoke with Spike so recently. I worry that I’m forgetting the sound of his voice, and replaying the last voice message he left me on my cell doesn’t feel the same as hearing him in real time.

“He told me about you, the accident, his brother and Arianna. He’s broken, Lottie. He’s trying his hardest to work with what he’s been dealt, but he doesn’t know how to right now. He’ll come around. Just give him time.”

“He pushed me away,” I whisper.

“I know,” he answers in a soft voice.

“I sat there for six weeks. Day in, day out. And every day he drifted further from me until he couldn’t even bear to have me there at all. I gave him time and he didn’t want it. He doesn’t want me.”

“I’m sorry,” he offers, tilting his head in sympathy.

“Me too.” I close down the blank message and slide my cell back into my pocket with a sigh. Today has been a long emotional day for no reason other than I’ve been wallowing in not just my own self pity, but Spike’s too. “I have to find myself all over again and I thought I could do it here. I wanted a fresh start. But I can’t do it with him lingering in the shadows. He doesn’t get to be part of my destiny anymore. I need to move on.”

He nods. “How will you do that?”

I contemplate his question for a couple of seconds. The truth is, I don’t know if there’s a right way or a wrong way to try and put your life back together after such an unexpected turn of events. But I guess I have to discover things about myself that I never knew and learn all over again what makes me happy, without Spike.

Chapter 9

“Hey bro,” Tara calls as she enters my apartment. Her voice makes my head thump as if I was curled up in the bottom of a bass drum and I reluctantly turn my wheelchair slowly in her direction. “Whoa,” she giggles. “You look like shit. Ari said you had gotten good and drunk yesterday. I’m only sorry I wasn’t there to see it.”