“Apologize. Now,” tattoo guy grates out, ignoring my request and twisting the boy’s ear.

“I-I’m sorry,” he squeals, wincing at the discomfort of being pushed around.

Tattoo guy drops his hold on the boy who then rubs at his ear frantically.

“Now, say you’re sorry again, and this time, mean it.”

He doesn’t hesitate, and this time he looks me directly in the eyes when he speaks. I don’t like what I see. Lines around his young eyes, heavy with the weight of something he probably shouldn’t have to bear at his age, which I’m guessing can’t be more than about thirteen or fourteen.

“I’m sorry, miss. I really am. I didn’t take nothin’, honest. It’s all still in there.”

“That’s ‘cos you didn’t get a chance to take anything, you little shit,” tattoo guy barks, shoving his palm into the middle of the kid’s back and pushing him forward a step.

“Are you hungry?” I ask, and both of them frown at me. “What do you need money for so desperately that you need to steal from a lone woman, and in broad daylight too?” Surely he wouldn’t have risked getting caught if it wasn’t necessary.

“II gotta go,” the boy mumbles quietly, turning to leave.

“No, wait.” I stop him by placing my hand gently on his upper arm. He’s taller than me, which isn’t difficult since I am pretty short, but he’s also skinny to the point of malnutrition. I can feel his bones through his clothes. “What’s your name?” I ask.

He glances back at my hand before meeting my eyes. “Connor.”

I smile gently. “Do you need money, Connor? Are you hungry, is that it?”

“I …” He narrows his eyes at me and I can see that he can’t understand my calm demeanor after what he did. I hold out my hand to tattoo guy and he places my purse in it hesitantly, giving me a warning by shaking his head. I ignore him, of course.

“Here.” I dig into my purse and pull out a few notes. I haven’t quite come to grips with the different money here, but I know that two fifty pound notes would be a lot to this kid. “I want you to go and eat. Get some new clothes maybe. But please, don’t mug anyone again, okay?”

I offer it in his direction and he nervously looks at tattoo guy, presuming that this is some kind of a trap. So I grab his hand up and stuff it in to his palm. “Just take it and promise me, yeah?”

His eyes twinkle and glisten with sudden emotion at my display of kindness. “I promise,” he says, looking me directly in the eye, before giving a curt nod and fleeing as fast as his gangly teenage legs can carry him.

“Oh my god,” Tattoo guy mumbles, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head. “You are gonna get fleeced if you keep giving people money every time you think you see a sob story. I’m guessing you’re here on holiday?”

“Vacation,” I correct. “Yes, kind of.”

“Well, a pretty young thing like you who’s clueless in the city and speaks with a sexy accent like yours is gonna be an easy target, so you’re gonna have to toughen up a bit.”

“Oh yeah? Well, I’ll have you know that I am already pretty tough and I can handle myself, thank you. I don’t need a man to watch my back, and as you could see, I got a better reaction from that boy than you did with your heavy handed approach.” He cocks his hip and folds his arms with a smirk across his face.

“You finished, little firebird?” I tilt my chin up and try not to smile at his comeback. “That boy was nice to you because you were giving him money. I was taking it away from him and calling his arse out. So yeah, you could say he preferred you.”

God, I hate it when other people’s logic is right. “Who the fuck are you, anyway? You a wannabe knight in shining armor?”

He snorts before shaking his head at me. “You Americans sure have a funny way of saying thank you.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t ask you to save me, or for your opinion either, thank you. I asked who you are.” I prop a hand on my hip, feeling amused that this man I’ve just met isn’t afraid to say what he thinks. Well, he met his match, because neither am I.

“Torran. My name is Torran, and I hope the rest of your stay is trouble free, for your own sake.” He gives me a grim smile and walks away. Leaving me feeling like an ungrateful bitch.

“Wait!” I yell, whilst mumbling in my head ‘For fuck’s sake.’ He stops walking just a few steps away but he doesn’t turn around and he’s already almost lost amongst the sea of people. “Can I get you a coffee? You know, to say thanks.” He leaves me hanging for what feels like an eternity and I’m getting odd looks from the passersby who are too busy to stop but too nosy to ignore me. He turns with a crooked smile on that rugged, pierced face of his.

“Throw in some cake and you have yourself a deal …”

“Cake?” I scrunch my nose, a little perplexed at his answer.

“Yeah, you don’t have cake where you come from?”

“Of course we do, asshole.” He laughs out loud to that, and it’s the first time I’ve heard someone laugh so freely in quite a while. “You want cake, you’re gonna have to lead the way to the best coffee shop around here.”

“Sure thing.” He walks to my side and holds out his hand in front of me. “Want me to take your case? It looks heavy. Probably full up with shoes and makeup and whatever other shit you women insist on taking everywhere with you.”

“Hey!” I smack him in the chest with the back of my hand. “I’m not your average woman. There’s only two pairs of shoes in here, I travel light.” I hand him the pull out handle of my case and he drops dramatically to the floor with buckling knees.

“Jeez. Just two pairs of shoes, you say?”

“It’s not that heavy!” I laugh. “I managed with my case well enough before you came along and I’m small. You some kind of pussy or something?”

He jumps up in one swift move, tugging the case and striding ahead. “Definitely not a pussy, firebird. Definitely not a pussy.”

“Hey, wait for me. Little legs and all that,” I call out behind him and although I can’t see his face, I’ll bet anything that he’s smiling again. God, it feels good to make someone smile.

Chapter 5

It’s been twenty-four hours.

Twenty-four long, painful hours. More painful than breaking your back and learning that you’ll probably never walk again. Because that’s all physical. It cannot and will never change. And in a weird way it’s easier to accept if there’s nothing you can do about it. But this, this was my choice, to save her, because I love her that much and I want her to live a fulfilling, happy life, even if that means it’s not with me.

The night that changed everything didn’t kill me. But not having her by my side has stopped my heart from beating. I might as well be dead.

I imagine this is what it’s like going through withdrawal for a heroin addict. She’s my heroin. Fuck, I miss her. I never thought it would be this bad. I mean, I went days without seeing her over the last eight weeks. Then I’d catch a glimpse of her in the hallway, or I’d hear her voice when my door was cracked open a fraction. And even when I didn’t get to see her, and I pushed her away because it felt like the right thing to do, the lead heavy ache in my chest was nothing like it is now knowing she’s halfway across the world and I can’t see her even if I want to.

Over the last few weeks I’ve managed to gain enough strength to maneuver from my bed to my chair on my own. I have a haul of gadgets to help me retain at least some independence and I’m grateful that I can at least move freely from bed to chair without having to wait for Sue to help me up in the mornings. I sit on the balcony and watch as the sun rises high in the sky. I’ve been out here since four this morning, just waiting for the light to peek up above the horizon and change the view of the city as it does. Dawn was always Lottie’s favorite time of day. Still is, I imagine. I wonder what dawn looks like over London. Each day was a new start for her, and although she could be a grumpy bitch at times, seeing the sun rise always made her smile. The morning of the accident, before we went to the ball, we watched the sunrise together. My arms were wrapped around her waist from behind and my chin was tucked comfortably in her shoulder. If I knew that was the last time the sun would rise for us, I would have held on to her tighter, longer, forever.