Sloan’s dramatic cries softened into a hushed whimper. Our skin slapped together as I thrusted ‘harder’ and ‘faster.’ I tried to get into the moment, but it was no use, and slowly—painfully—I felt my dick going limp inside of her. This…this wasn’t how I wanted it to be. It was all wrong, but I was too far gone to turn back.

A trickle of sweat slid down my nose, dropping onto Sloan’s wrinkled forehead. Her eyes flung open as she grabbed the back of my neck, digging her fake nails into the base of my spine. “I’m gonna come! Let’s come together.”

No way was that gonna happen. I wasn’t even close.

Sloan’s soft sighs suddenly turned into loud screams. I cringed, glancing at the door, worried that somebody could barge into the empty conference room at any moment. Her vagina pulsated, throbbing against my dick, but sadly it did nothing for me.

Crap, I have to come now or she’ll think I’m some tool.

I shut my eyes and tried to remove myself from the situation, allowing my mind to wander to my deepest subconscious. Yes, I was nit-picking for anything to help me out at the moment, but nothing was working. Feeling frustrated, my eyes pried open and I looked down below me. As my gaze traveled up Sloan’s jiggling breasts, onto her glistening neck and to her face, something happened. The dark hair, dark eyes…it was no longer Sloan beneath me, but Rocky. The blood rushed to my dick and whatever block I was feeling was somehow lifted.

“Rocky,” I whispered, caressing the side of her face.

“Rocky?” Sloan screeched, snapping me out of my hallucination. Her perplexed expression changed into one of amusement. “Eh, if boxers are your fetish I can live with it.”

And just like that any hope of coming was thrown out the window.

***

A familiar tune echoed from the dance hall. It took me a few seconds to realize it was the same song that played during homecoming, right before Rocky and I were torn apart.

Tap, tap, tap.

I groaned, trying my best to tune the melody out, and walked further down the hotel parking lot. The stupid song was just another grim reminder of everything wrong in my life, and it was quite fitting it’d be the soundtrack to my personal walk of shame.

“What are you doing out here, my man? I thought you’d be gloating.” Jason’s flushed face came to focus as he staggered in my direction. A voice inside my head told me to keep on walking, but as usual I ignored all warning signs and came to a halt. Beer bottle in hand, Jason came up beside me and looked me up and down. His liquor tinged breath was a bit hard to choke down and I found myself almost dry heaving. “Thought you’d be gloating.”

“What are you talking about?”

He snorted, taking a swig of beer. “Sloan? Figures you’d shag her on the first night.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He shook his head and shoved something small into my hand. “Here.”

“What is it?” I asked, never taking my eyes off my new brother. His grey eyes seemed cold, calculating almost, but I chalked it up to inebriation.

“So you really are a pussy, aren’t you? Of course my mom would marry a lame ass dude with an even lamer son.”

“Feeling’s mutual, bro,” I snapped angrily.

His lips straightened before giving way to a smirk. “You ever smoke before?”

My gaze flitted down, knowing perfectly well the kind of ‘smoke’ he was talking about. As expected, a perfectly wrapped brown blunt sat on my palm. “Of course I have.”

“Good. Consider it a welcoming present.” Jason’s eyes blazed almost as if there was a fire lit behind them. Tossing me a lighter, he turned back toward the building.

“Wait, I don’t want this.”

“Stop being a pussy and just smoke it,” he hissed, not bothering to look back at me. “Trust me, this will be a night you won’t ever forget.”

Warning signs as bright as neon lights flashed before my eyes, but when have I ever paid them mind?

***

“Jesse! Wake up! Wake up!”

I felt a distinct slap on my face, yet it wasn’t enough to lift me from whatever dark ocean I was floating in. My skin sizzled, burning as the hand lifted away.

“Fuck!” Dad’s voice growled.

“Should we call 911?” Teresa screeched in horror.

Dad? Teresa? Wait, where was I?

My eyes slowly opened, blinking as if I had just awoken from a deep sleep. My head was pounding and my lungs felt constricted, tightening with every gasp of air. “W-what happened to me?”

“Oh, thank God!” Dad sighed and gently lifted me up so that I was propped up against a hard surface. Cool air blew across my face, a far cry from the night’s humidity.

Wait, how’d I get back inside?

“What were you thinking doing drugs?” Dad’s voice was a combination of anger and relief. He pressed a wet towel against my forehead and for the first time I noticed how cold I felt. An iciness worked its way through me, chilling my core.

“S-stop,” I stammered, teeth chattering. “I-I’m cold.”

“You ruined my wedding!” Teresa screamed, interrupting me. Guess her earlier worry had faded away. “Do you know how embarrassed I was to have to help drag you down here? I had to tell my family that you passed out from the heat! Not that any of them bought it.”

My vision cleared and I watched as my dad motioned for his new wife to shut her hole. Catching me looking, he quickly stared back at me with a sneer. “You’re lucky I didn’t call the cops on you. Then again, maybe a night in jail would finally wake you up.”

“Might as well, it’s not like my life could get any worse.” Defeat is a funny thing. Once it takes its reins on you, there’s nothing left but giving up.

Dad blinked wildly. “Jesse, what happened to you? I thought things were getting better.”

I couldn’t answer even if I wanted to. Feeling bile working its way up my esophagus, I began convulsing, shivering as I tried my hardest to keep my food down. I must have been a horrible sight because Teresa once again insisted on calling 911.

“Why?” I coughed, tasting sour acid on my tongue. “So you can turn your son in?”

Her face paled. “Jason would never…”

“Who do you think gave me that blunt?” If I didn’t quit talking I’d surely throw up. Pressing my eyelids together, I took a few deep breaths, trying to keep the vomit down.

“Are you kidding me?” Her voice was shrill, almost hysterical. “Jason would never do something so atrocious. You may only be my stepson, but I’ll have you know I won’t stand for this kind of bullshit.”

“Teresa,” Dad cut her off, using his most soothing voice. “Go back out to the party and have some fun. I’ll take care of this.”

“And how do you expect me to do that?” she snapped.

With an exasperated sigh, Dad coaxed, “Just go. Please.”

Surprisingly, Teresa stomped away without a fight. Had it been my mom, there would have been more broken items and screaming involved.

Maybe Dad finally picked a good one this time.

Dad waited until Teresa disappeared behind a set of double doors before turning back toward me. His anger seemed to have subsided and was replaced with something worse—worry.

“What the hell were you thinking? I…I thought you were better than this.”

“When I have ever been ‘better’?” I griped. “That’s why you left me, remember? Because Mom and I were never good enough?”

Dad’s face paled, his lips turning a weird shade of blue. “Where is this coming from? I thought—”

“That I liked it here?” And just like that, reality set in and the unexplainable void was finally understood. “Why am I pretending to be someone different? Why are you? Don’t you see? We’re always going to be the same scum from Bethel Hills! You can marry your Stepford wife and I can drown myself in Charleston, but I will always be that screw up and so will you. We just need to stop faking it. I am meant to be miserable all my life. I can never have what I want. What’s the point of going on with this charade if I’m never meant to be happy?”