“How?” The look of doubt on her face broke my heart, and for once I thought I was a bigger douche than Ethan was.

Prove yourself.

“Do you want to get something to eat tonight? Around eight?” Shit. I felt like an awkward thirteen-year-old all over again.

She’s gonna say no.

“Sure,” she replied without skipping a beat.

I turned away before she could see the smile on my face, ignoring those pesky red flags flashing before my eyes.

Chapter 17

The smoke circled the ceiling of Harpoon’s, looking like an ominous monster from a cheesy ’80s horror movie. My lungs felt heavy and my mouth dry. I grabbed onto my throat and coughed, still in disbelief that not only had I grown up in a similar environment, but that I’d also shelled out a lot of money buying my own cancer sticks.

“Crap, I better text Rocky and tell her to meet me somewhere else.” I reached for my phone only to remember I didn’t have her number—I take that back—I did have one, but it was from five years ago. Deciding not to embarrass myself by texting a wrong number, I positioned myself by the door in hopes of intercepting her as soon as she walked in.

I felt her presence the moment she entered the bar. It was as if the room grew brighter, more ethereal, making the scuffed floors, stained walls, and ripped seats look like a palace. She wore red—ironically the last color I’d seen her in before I moved away. I couldn’t help but wonder whether it was an omen of some sort. Truthfully, I was too nervous to question whether it was a good one or a bad one.

Taking a moment to quiet my mind, I inhaled slowly, exhaling in one loud puff. Wiping my moist hands against my jeans, I called out, “Rocky! Over here!”

Rocky’s eyes lit up the moment she found me. Her shoulders visibly relaxed as she sauntered over to me. “Hey! Interesting place you chose here.”

I frowned, eyeing a drunk biker type stumble over his feet. “Yeah, didn’t think this through so much. Didn’t know this place still allowed smoking.”

“We can go somewhere else if you want.” A nearby jukebox drowned out her words. This really wasn’t going to work in more ways than one.

I nodded eagerly. “Yeah, let’s go. I’ll drive.”

I escorted Rocky out of the crowded bar only to be met by a brutal blast of cold air. North Carolina winters were killer, and definitely nothing I missed. I glanced down at Rocky and noticed that her nose had turned bright red and her eyes were on the verge of tears. Given that I hadn’t said or done anything that could have insulted her—yet—I figured it was the weather bringing her down. My arm instinctively reached out to bring her closer to me, but catching myself, I stopped midway.

Now’s not the time.

Diverting my arm, I gestured toward the end of street. “I scored a spot by the curb around the corner. The walk shouldn’t be too bad.”

“O-o-ok-ay,” she stammered. “L-l-let’s go.”

Cold breeze after cold breeze blew through, making me feel as if we were under attack by some frost magician. Desperately wishing I was in South Carolina’s warmth, I bared my teeth and spat out in disgust. “Forgot how cold it gets here.”

“It doesn’t get cold in Charleston?” Rocky asked as we climbed into my even colder car. She kept her head down and chin tucked into her wool jacket.

“We have our winters, but we’re further south. Nothing like it is here.” My mind began to wander toward images of Rocky in tank tops or bikinis. Her olive-toned limbs bare and slick with sweat. My body instantly heated up, but I knew it wasn’t from my car’s heater.

Almost as if she could read my mind, Rocky looked away and blushed. “Oh.”

Awkward silence is one of the most excruciating things that exists in this world. It was right ahead of slow claps and right behind people who pick their noses at stoplights. Rocky and I leaned into our heated seats and stared straight ahead, watching the windows fog. It was so silent that we could easily hear the blast of warm air escaping the vents.

After a few moments, Rocky huffed in irritation and blurted out, “So why cut me out of your life? Why cease all convo with me?”

My eyes widened and I didn’t know whether to laugh or squirm. “Wow! You’re going straight for the punch.”

She scowled. “Jesse, I’m serious. I thought we were better than that.”

Well, this is why I invited her out anyway, right? To clear the air. It was finally time. “Fine. I guess I owe you an explanation.”

“Yeah, you do.” Rocky paused, waiting for me to speak. When I didn’t, she just about growled. “Jesse, seriously?”

Just because my brain knew it was time didn’t mean every other part of my body did. Heart pounding, muscles tensed, I admitted, “I’m not ready to tell you everything, okay? Just take what I give you and roll with it.”

“It’s not like you’re giving me anything at all,” she pointed out.

“I was just getting to that part,” I replied with a chuckle.

And so started my litany about my fucked up life. Sure, none of my revelations came as a surprise, but I guess speaking the words out loud was an entirely different experience than witnessing it firsthand.

Soon I felt myself surrender to my memories. It’s funny, but it was oddly therapeutic revisiting certain instances with a clear mind. In fact, I was finally able to fully understand my father’s motives in abandoning my family without feeling the pangs of anger that I had usually associated with him leaving me alone with Mom.

Unfortunately, Rocky wasn’t as apt to forgive. “If your dad felt that way, why did he leave you with her? Surely, he wouldn’t want his son to grow up in such an environment.”

“I guess he thought leaving me would sort of give my mom the kick she needed to get her life together.” I paused, feeling a veil lift from my eyes. “I honestly think my dad always planned on coming back.”

Her eyes darkened. “What changed?”

“Life,” I replied simply. “When he moved to Charleston everything just fell into place for him. New job, new home, new wife.”

“New wife?” She gaped.

I frowned slightly. How could she have forgotten the main catalyst to my nervous breakdown? After all, she was there when the shit hit the fan.

Guess she didn’t care about you as much as you thought.

If she reacted to Teresa like this, there was no way I’d tell her about Jason. My temper spiked thinking of my lovely older ‘brother.’

I cleared my throat and shook off my unease. “Like I said, life happens.”

“Wow.” She exhaled slowly, allowing her lips to pucker. “Is that why you never came back? Because you liked your dad’s new life better?”

My eye twitched. I was still feeling a bit perturbed at her sudden ‘forgetfulness,’ though I knew I didn’t deserve any real estate in her mind. Still, seeing the slight hint of pain on her face twisted my gut like a knife.

“To a degree,” I agreed, finding it hard to mask my own pain. “I didn’t come back because I realized how much this place dragged me down. How much my mom dragged me down. There wasn’t anything in this town left for me, and moving in with my dad showed me that. He also showed me what a lack of opportunity this place had, and how moving away can help you reinvent yourself for the better. Sometimes old habits die hard and it was up to me to change that.”

“Is that why you stopped talking to me? Because you wanted to forget everything about a town that had nothing for you?” Her face remained stone cold, but I knew her strength was a facade. One more prick and she’d be a water balloon waiting to explode.

Still feeling a bit put off by her lack of memory, I shrugged nonchalantly. “Like I said, I’ll only tell you everything I’m comfortable with. That’s about as comfortable as I can get right now.”