I must have stunned her into silence. She stood quietly and looked as if she wasn’t even blinking. Riding the waves of momentum, I continued, “We’ve finally gotten past your old feelings, and because you realize that you regret it, we can just move forward…err…move back…um, you know what I mean.”

The smile I wore on my face felt like one of those masks from Classic Greek theater. However, I wasn’t sure which of the two I brandished. Was I manic? Or was I basking in my darkness of outright grief?

Rocky finally moved from her catatonic state. She bit her lip and looked down pathetically, kicking at the floor. “Just so you know, I don’t do shit like that. Stealing kisses and stuff, I mean.”

“Ah, this boring prude thing is just an act,” I chided. “You can drop it around me, you know.”

“Who are you calling a prude?”

“Certainly not you. You wouldn’t have tried to suck my face off if you were,” I joked. Noticing her look of annoyance, I quickly wiped away my smile.

“I was just caught in the moment. You know, New Year’s night and everything.” She narrowed her eyes. “By the way, you’re wrong. It’s not putting us back on the right track. If anything, it put us back further than when we started because you are seriously annoying me right now.”

“Caught in the moment?” I looked at her incredulously. “Are you serious? What moment was that? A cheap sweaty night club with watered down drinks and lame music? Oh yeah, that was such an awesome moment, Rocky.” Curiosity suddenly getting the best of me, I asked, “Hey, is that why you only like tips? You have to be in a certain ‘moment’ or whatever?”

As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted them. I definitely crossed a line.

“You’re such an asshole.”

I held my hands up in defense. “I’m not trying to offend you or anything, but now I can see why you’re so weird with Ethan.”

“Really? You feel a need to bring him up again?” she practically groaned.

“Thought all girls liked talking about their boyfriends,” I replied glumly. Suddenly feeling hot again, I was more than relieved to hear the heater shut off.

“Why are you pestering me about this?”

And there it was, the answer to the nagging voice inside of me. If I were being specific I’d even say it was my dad’s voice. Maybe if I heard Rocky admit she actually liked doing all those things in the past, I wouldn’t feel so guilty about how everything turned out. Maybe Dad was right—I never did give her enough credit. I needed to hear that she wanted to do those things with me and didn’t just follow me around blindly.

Taking a moment to regain my composure, I explained, “Because I can see that after I left, you lost all ability to dabble into that wild side I know is in there. I never dragged you around with me; you did that all by yourself. You liked it.”

“What do you mean?” she asked meekly.

“You, Stephanie, and I made quite a trio, right? Stephanie, the wit of the group. You, the creative conscience, and me, the spice in what can only be described as a bland blend.”

“Really? You’re a Spice Girl now?”

I rolled my eyes. “What I’m saying is that the perception of our little group was nothing but bad assumptions.”

“Not following.”

“We all thought we were different, but we really weren’t. Our trio would never have worked if we weren’t all a bit similar to one another. I mean, look at Steph. She definitely learned how to explore her animalistic side. But you…”

“What about me?” I could almost see smoke blowing from her ears.

“Why are you trying to hold it back?” I demanded. “I’ve seen it before. Where did it go?”

Please tell me that I did not just spend my youth dragging your name in the mud and smearing your positive outlook on life. Please tell me that you enjoyed everything and that I wasn’t too influential on you.

She looked at me as if I had lost my mind. “I’m not trying to hold anything back. What ‘it’ are you even talking about?”

“The certain ‘it’ factor that, despite your naiveté, allowed you to call me out on my bullshit. The ‘it’ factor that, despite your good girl qualms, pushed you to party and skip class with me even if I could tell you were scared.”

Her lip quivered. “I only did those things because I cared about you! You were so caught up in a downward spiral that I was afraid you’d go under if nobody was with you to yank you back up. Also, I called you out on your bullshit because, just like right now, you can be a stupid son of a bitch. I followed you around to protect you!”

Okay, I did not see that coming. “Protect me? That skinny little girl with the bright pink retainer wanted to protect me?” I threw my head back and laughed at the visual. Teenaged Rocky couldn’t protect me from a ladybug.

“Not physically,” she snapped in irritation. “More along the line of keeping you in line.”

I bit my lip and narrowed my eyes, trying to get a read on her. “Why are you denying it, Rocky? Your bad side is desperately trying to get out. I mean, why else do you think you kissed me?”

“Like I said, I was caught in the moment.”

“Because I always represented your rebellious nature. Think about it; once your inner self saw me, she couldn’t contain herself!” Wow, I really should have gone to college and earned a degree in bullshit. I probably could have become a politician or something.

“Inner self? When the hell did you get into all this philosophical crap?”

Then again philosophy would have been good too.

“As odd as it sounds, I feel responsible for stunting your growth. Without me, you’d have remained the seventeen-year-old I left behind.” Without the warm air from the heater, the warehouse began to cool considerably. Rocky’s perky little nipples hardened enough to poke against the thick fabric of her sweater. Resolve weakening, my eyes dropped down to admire the sight. “Well, not all parts.”

“Is there a point to this?” she asked, completely oblivious to my gawking.

“My point is I want to prove to you that you never needed me to explore your rebellious side. It was always deep inside. It was in your soul.”

“This is the weirdest after school special ever.” She let out an exasperated breath.

If I wasn’t head deep in my ‘philosophical crap’ I could have laughed. “You wanted to be friends again, right? Like old times?”

“Yeah.”

Friends…such a bad word.

“Okay then. From this moment on, we are once again Rocky and Jesse…and Stephanie. I will show you that once we hang out together, it’ll awaken that little vixen I know you have inside you. Just give me some time to figure out how to get her out of whatever cage you put her in. I’ll show you there’s a rebel there. Shit, she showed herself on N-Y-E.”

“And then you left…again,” she pointed out.

“I promise I’ll never do that again.”

Liar!

Still looking doubtful, she asked, “What does any of this have to do with Ethan?”

“Ethan?” My gaze snapped up from her chest. Really? She had to bring him up now?

“You said that now you can see why I always acted a certain way with Ethan.”

“Oh.” My mouth curled into a perfect circle. “Um, just forget about it.”

“What? Why?”

“I said forget about it.” There was no way I’d admit that I was jealous of the motherfucker. He had nothing standing in his way, but I had the whole world against me. Before she could push further, I quickly headed toward the Dungeon. Once I stepped inside and wrapped the stupid apron around my waist, I realized just how stupid I was acting. There I was, working in a store I hated, doing work I hated, and for what? To push the girl I loved away?

I really was such an idiot.

Chapter 23

Well my sense of idiocy tripled if not quadrupled within the next few days while her parents were away on a business trip. In my quest to prove my warped theory about her inner diva—as well as have some fun with her—I not only freaked her out with sex toys but practically drowned her in foam genitalia, butt plugs, and cock rings.