“Uh, because you were supposed to be here four hours ago!”

“Is that all?” I couldn’t let go of the small hint of hope that she missed me.

Selfish, just like your mother.

She waited for a beat before saying, “Huh?”

“Is that the only reason why you called me? Because I missed work?” My voice came out a bit sterner than I had intended, but I couldn’t help myself.

“Yes, of course.”

Ugh. Arrow to the heart.

“Did you tell your girlfriend you miss her?” Michelle’s annoying voice called out from the den. Without answering, I quickly ran toward my room and shut the door. I already didn’t like the bitch, but for what it was worth I knew she’d get along great with my mom.

“Where are you?” Rocky asked almost accusingly.

Suddenly feeling exhausted, I wanted to end the conversation fast. My world was going around in circles and it wouldn’t stop until I left Bethel Falls for good. “Rocky, I’m going to miss work today.”

“I see that.” She sighed. “Are you coming in tomorrow?”

I shut my eyes. How could I ever go back after everything I put her through? How could I ever look at her knowing that another man was lucky enough to have her in his arms, but I couldn’t?

Nope. I couldn’t do it.

Through gritted teeth I responded, “You know what? I don’t think so.”

“Fuck, Jesse!” she screeched, surprising me. “What the hell is wrong with you? Is this about our fight yesterday?”

“Everything has to be about you, right?” Of course it was. It had always been about her.

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Though she tried her hardest to mask the pain in her voice, there was no mistaking the slight tremor in her tone.

This was my life, wasn’t it? Even when I tried to be a good guy I ended up hurting someone who didn’t deserve it. I must have done something horrible in a past life to deserve such karmic punishment.

Swallowing back a lump of guilt that formed in my throat, I whispered, “You know what? I’ll tell you everything one day, but for now—”

“You’re not comfortable, I get it!”

“Goodbye, Rocky.”

It’s for your own good.

“Jesse!”

I lowered the phone from my ear and stared at it. I watched as the screen shut off to black like the darkness in my soul. Life wasn’t fair, was it? Sometimes looking out for the ones you love most meant dragging your heart through the mud. For whatever karmic punishment I deserved, maybe this was my way of making up for it.

“Michelle doesn’t need training,” I whispered. “I need to stop dragging this out and leave tomorrow.”

Chapter 25

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

“That’ll be sixty-eight dollars and seventy-five cents…hello? Hello? Mister, are you all right?”

Snapping out of my trance, I blinked quickly and saw the cashier waving his hands in front of my face.

“Dude, you okay?” The teenaged boy shifted his weight from one foot to the other and glanced down at his phone. “I can call 911 if you want…unless…are you high or something?”

Not high. More like low. I’m only leaving my sick mom and running away from the girl I love, but yeah, I’m fine.

I nodded dumbly and swiped my card into the reader. The boy looked at me funny before shrugging his shoulders. “Man, if this is what I have to look forward to when I get older then I don’t want it.”

I snorted and grabbed my groceries, placing about four bags on each arm. “Trust me, if I could be young forever, I would. Take it easy, my man.”

It was funny how something as mundane as grocery shopping could hold such a significant weight. As I drove home I found myself glancing back at the pile of plastic bags and feeling a bit guilty that my last act in Bethel Falls was nothing more than stocking the pantry of my old house. I mean, sure Mom had a nurse to take care of her and sure, we’d all just return to the lives we’ve known and loved for the past five years…yet a part of me still felt as if I should be doing something more significant for my last hurrah. Maybe buy out an ad in a newspaper to wish bon voyage to the people I loved…and hurt. Maybe I could have bought cakes for everyone and left them on their porches to be frozen by the freak snow of Bethel Falls. But nope, I was just stocking up the house with canned foods and fruit.

I turned into my cul-de-sac and almost screeched to a stop. Toward the opposite end of the street, right under a dying oak tree, there was a car that looked like the one Rocky drove.

“I must be seeing things,” I murmured with a shake of my head. “It’s just like those movies where the guy sees his girl’s face all over the place.”

Trudging up the steps to my house, I heard a feminine voice coming from inside. Figuring that Michelle had once again shown up early, I braced myself for a barrage of unsolicited advice when suddenly…

My mom’s raspy voice echoed through the empty hallway. “It’s because he was worried about dragging you down with him.”

“What?” I heard Rocky gasp and immediately felt my heart plummet.

“It was also because he was worried he’d be dragged back here—”

“Mom!” I ran into the den as fast as I could, vaguely aware that my bags of groceries were emptying their contents onto the floor.

“Jesse!” Rocky jumped to her feet, looking like a kid who had just been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

“What are you doing here?” I demanded, shooting a worried glance at my mother. What could she have said to her?

“I-I…”

“Looking for me?” My eyes closed. What else would she be doing here? Certainly not visiting with my mother. When I opened my eyes I found Rocky on the floor, anxiously grabbing groceries and putting them into piles by my ripped bags. I shook my head in disgust. Rocky should never be cleaning up after anyone. Especially not me. “What did she tell you?”

A flash of orange flew across my eyes. Rocky smiled sheepishly, holding a fruit in front of my face. I shook my head in exasperation and pushed the citrus away.

“Um, just that—”

“You were leaving her again,” Mom answered for her. There was no mistaking the glee in her tone. Even after five years apart she still loved to see me squirm.

“No, she didn’t tell me that.” Rocky’s voice dropped a few octaves. It was obvious she was lying.

“Well, she should have.” My annoyance with my mother won out over my innate need to sugarcoat things for Rocky.

“So it’s true?” she squeaked. She glanced toward my mother, a look of pity washing over her face. “You’re really going to leave her like this? How can you even look at yourself in the mirror?”

“How can she look at herself? I tried, I really did. I wanted to make things better between us and she’s just here calling me a failure and acting like the bad mom she always was.” I didn’t care if my mom was in the same room. She needed to hear this! Seriously, why was I the only one who saw how badly she treated me?

“Stop right there, Jesse. You’re really going to talk about your sick mom like that?”

I swallowed back the lump that was growing in my throat. “You’re right.”

Preparing for battle, Rocky’s face visibly fell in surprise. “I am?”

A wild idea flashed through my head, a habit that always seemed to surface when shit was about to hit the fan. There was a way I could still leave, but without a heavy heart. It was my best idea yet. Before I could talk myself out of it, I reached out and grabbed her by her delicate wrist. “Come on.”

“What?” She blinked quickly.

“Nothing I say can make you understand. I have to show you.” Let me take it back. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea I had, but definitely the craziest. I yanked Rocky, causing her to fly toward me.

Rocky’s eyes flashed hysterically. “Where are we going? I have work! Your mom—”