I kept flashing back to Red, wondering where she was and what Chuck might be doing to her. I slid down Becca’s body, ripping her pants down her legs and tossing them to the side. The more I thought about Red, the rougher I got. I was far from hurting Becca, though, and she was more into it than when we started.

I went to the nightstand to grab a condom and my phone lit up with a text.

Alex: You up?

I froze. I couldn’t move. I just stood there, staring at my phone. I looked over to Becca, who was lying naked on my bed, waiting for me to fuck her, but I couldn’t.

“Goddamn it!” I yelled. I grabbed my phone and headed for the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I wrenched the cold water on and dropped my phone to the counter before stepping under the freezing spray. I was losing my fucking mind! I pounded a fist against the tile and let the cold water run down my back. It did the trick. I was starting to calm down and my head was beginning to clear.

I turned off the faucet and stepped out of the shower. I dried myself off and wrapped a towel around my waist before heading back into the bedroom to deal with the naked girl in my bed.

She was sitting up when I walked back into the room. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, but you should go.”

“You sure about that?” she asked, sliding off the bed to press herself against me.

She reached for the towel around my waist and I grabbed her wrist. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

She took a step back and looked at me like I’d lost my mind. I mean, she was not far off. I was standing in my bedroom with a gorgeous naked woman who wanted nothing but sex and I was turning her down all for a girl who may or may not be into me. In that moment, I was the definition of a pussy.

She pulled her clothes on, grabbed her shoes, and stormed out of my apartment. I dropped back on my bed and replied to Red.

Drew: What’s up?

Alex: Can you do something for me?

I smiled and typed a response.

Drew: Anything.

She didn’t even know the half of it.

Chapter 16

Alex (Now)

I woke to a pounding in my head. It took me a minute to realize that the pounding wasn’t in my head, it was on the door.

I glanced at the clock and dragged a hand down my still half asleep face. Who was banging on the door at three in the morning? Dragging myself out of bed, I headed to the door, looked through the peephole, and cringed. It was Drew. I couldn’t deal with him now. I tried to swallow through the lump building in my throat.

“Alex, open the goddamn door!” he bellowed, pounding the door so hard it shook on the hinges. I didn’t want to face him, not after seeing him with her, but he obviously wasn’t leaving. I flipped the lock and opened the door a crack. Drew shoved past me and stormed into the living room, keeping his back to me.

“Why haven’t you answered any of my calls?” He turned to face me. He looked so angry and hurt. I quickly dropped my head and picked at my cuticles, chewing on my lip. I couldn’t look at him. I knew if I raised my head, the tears would start and everything I had been feeling would just fall out of my mouth.

“I turned my phone off.” I shrugged, keeping my eyes down.

“Bullshit!”

I flinched. I really had turned my phone off, but it was after I realized he wasn’t going to stop calling.

“What the fuck, Red? You don’t talk to me for days, then you barge into my apartment, no, my bedroom, for only God knows what reason and storm out!” he yelled. “I don’t know what to do with you! You’ve been acting crazy since that damn gala. I try to protect you, you push me away. I give you space and you disappear only to show up in my bedroom at the worst possible moment. What the fuck do you want from me?”

He stared at me, waiting for an answer I wasn’t ready to give him. He sighed, ran his hand over his face, and looked up at the ceiling. I couldn’t say anything. So far everything he had said was true. I had been acting crazy. If he knew why, everything would make sense, but seeing him with Gwen cleared away whatever tiny semblance of courage I had built up to tell him the truth, so I just stayed quiet, letting him yell at me.

“I get you don’t like Gwen.”

My head snapped up. Did he really think this was about her? A mix of rage and pain coursed through my body. I was angry and really hurt and teetering on the edge of losing it. I had to get him out of here before it all came out. My shoulders started to shake as the tears welled up in my eyes. When our eyes met, I saw his were apologetic, but still angry.

“Drew, just go,” I said, trying and failing to sound calm. I brushed past him and headed for my bedroom. He grabbed my shoulders and took a step closer so his chest was almost pressed to my back. I could feel the heat from his body. He was so close, his breath warmed the back of my neck.

“Alex,” he said, his voice softening with concern. “Please. Just talk to me.”

My heart clenched. The tears I was desperately trying to hold back escaped my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. I didn’t want to hurt him, but if I told him what was really going on, he would leave. I just needed some time to get past this. I could do it. I could stop loving him and everything could stay the same.

He turned me and wrapped his arms around my back. He ran a hand up to the back of my neck as I dropped my forehead to his chest.

“After seeing you with Peter, I was pissed, okay? I spent most of Friday drunk in my apartment. He is such a piece of shit, Red.” He brought his hands forward to cup my cheeks, forcing my eyes to meet his. “He doesn’t deserve you.” He dropped his hands from my face and continued. “I needed to get out of the house today, so I went to The Den, hoping David or Sean would be there, but I ended up drunk and by myself. She was just there and the next thing I know, you were standing in my door way and Gwen…” He trailed off, not wanting to make this worse, but something inside me snapped.

“Don’t say her name!” I cried, shoving against his chest. “I don’t give a shit about her! She has nothing to do with this.”

“I thought…” He looked even more confused.

He reached for me again and I took a step back. I saw red. Did he think I was so petty to be this upset because he slept with that factory made psycho? I could care less about her. This was about us, or the “us” I wanted but couldn’t have. Walking in on them together was just the last straw for me. I couldn’t take it anymore. My heart just broke open and everything I felt for him just came flooding out.

“I’m in love with you, damn it!” I cried as the emotional dam finally broke. He took a step back like I just shoved him with my confession. I continued, my voice getting softer, unable to hold it back any more. “I love you, and it has been killing me every day to see you knowing you don’t feel the same way. Then I see you with her, and I just can’t do this anymore. It hurts too much. I love you too much.”

He looked stunned, like I had just told him I had testicles. The look on his face just proved that I was right. He didn’t feel anything between us. Everything I felt for him was one-sided. I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes. I turned and headed for my room.

“This is my issue, okay. I will figure it out. Please, just go.”

I walked into my room, closed the door, collapsed onto my bed, and just let go. I was destroyed. I felt like I just lost the only person who meant anything to me because I was stupid enough to fall for him. I didn’t know where to go from there. We couldn’t just go back to the way things were and forget everything I had just said. It would be horrible, tense, and awkward. The tears kept coming. My heart was shattered, and I didn’t think I would ever get it back together.