I started to panic. “Red?”

“It’s been a year,” she said softly, wiping at her eyes.

“Okay.” I was trying to figure out what I was missing.

“Since they died. Today it has been a year.” She looked up at me, the tears rolling down her cheeks.

My chest ached for her. I didn’t know what to say. I would do anything to make it better, but there was nothing I could do. I pulled her toward me and wrapped my arms around her awkwardly over the center console. “Red, I’m so sorry.”

“The medical examiner kept their remains as part of the investigation into the accident. They released them months ago and I had them sent to a funeral home to be cremated. I just haven’t been able to bring myself to go get them.” She paused, taking a deep breath as the tears kept coming.

“Go get them?”

She finally looked up at me, the sadness and grief clear across her face.

“Their ashes?” I asked.

She nodded. “I know this is kind of morbid, but I thought I could spread them today and I can’t do it alone.”

I laid my hand over hers. “I’m here, Red. Whatever you need.”

I gave her a small smile. I cupped her cheek and brushed a tear from her eye. All I could think about was kissing her. I was a complete asshole. She needed a friend, and my mind was fixated on making a move. I wanted her to trust me. I wanted her to know, with absolute certainty, that I would be there for her whenever she needed me.

***

We pulled up outside the funeral home and put the car in park. I looked at her as she stared at the large white house with Nelson Funeral Home printed on the dark green awning above the door.

“You ready?” I asked. She looked at me with a sad smile and nodded.

I took her hand as we walked through the door and into the lobby. The carpet was a dark hunter green and dark wood paneling covered the walls. The scent of too many flowers and candle smoke filled the air but did nothing to mask the feeling of loss being in a place like this gave me. Red gripped my hand as we walked further into the building.

An older guy in a dark gray suit and black tie approached us. “My name is Michael Nelson. Can I help you?”

Red was frozen, so I took the lead. “I’m Drew Collins,” I said, offering him my hand. “This is Alex McCabe. We’re here for her parents. I-I mean, their ashes.”

His face softened and he turned to Alex, taking her hand in both of his. “I’m so very sorry for your loss. Please follow me. I will get the paperwork for you.”

I put my hand on the small of her back and led her down the hall behind Mr. Nelson. He led us to a small office in the back of the building. He gestured for us to have a seat in the simple brown leather chairs opposite his desk.

“What are your parents’ names?” he asked.

“William and Anna McCabe,” she said, her voice barely audible.

“I’m sorry?” He leaned closer to hear her.

“William and Anna McCabe,” I repeated. I could see how hard this was on her. I threaded my fingers through hers. She looked up at me and gave me a small smile of thanks.

Mr. Nelson typed the names into his computer, nodding his head once he found what he was looking for. He pulled a folder from the cabinet behind him. “It looks like everything is done. I just need your signature on this form stating we are releasing the remains to you.” He slid the form toward Alex and offered her a pen.

She signed it without looking. She was running on auto pilot. When she was done, he looked over the form and nodded. “I will be right back with them.” He said it like they were waiting in the other room and he was going to show them in.

“You okay, Red?”

She’d barely said anything the entire time. I was worried about her. She nodded her head, but wouldn’t look at me.

After a few more minutes, Mr. Nelson came in with a cardboard box and set it down on the desk in front of us. Inside were two small green plastic containers with each of her parent’s names printed on a label stuck to the lid.

I stared at the two containers. This was all that was left of two people who were born, fell in love, and had a life and a child together. Now all that was left of these two lives were plastic containers and labels with their names on it.

“Your instructions stipulated that you didn’t want an urn or a cremation casket,” Mr. Nelson said. Alex nodded.

I stood up, thanked Mr. Nelson for his help, picked up the box with the remains, and led Red back to the car. Alex pulled open the door and got in while I set the box in the back seat. It felt wrong to put it in the trunk.

I started the engine and turned to Red. She took a deep breath and looked at me. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I just couldn’t deal.”

“I know, Red.” I reached for her hand again. I wasn’t trying to take advantage of the situation, but every instinct I had was crying out to touch her. I didn’t know how else to comfort her. “Where do you want to take them?”

She took a deep breath and looked forward, out the windshield. “There is this park where I grew up. It’s where my dad proposed. Mom told me…” The tears started again. “Mom said it was the place where their life began.”

“Then that is where we will go.” I pulled out of the parking lot.

***

Twenty minutes later, we stood in the shade of a low hanging willow tree at the back of the park, next to a duck pond. I carried the box and set it down at Red’s feet as she looked out over the water.

I lifted one of the containers and handed it to Red. She took it gently in her hands and hugged it close to her body. “Do you want to say something?” I asked.

“What’s the point?”

I didn’t know how to answer. I wrapped an arm around her waist.

“They’re gone, Drew. They left me all alone, and I h-hate them for it. I hate them, and I hate myself for hating them.”

I grabbed her shoulders, turning her to face me. “You’re allowed to be angry. You can hate them, Red. There are no rules for grieving.”

She sobbed and I pulled her against my chest, letting her get it out. She pushed me away and turned her back to me. “You don’t get it!” she yelled. “You have David, Papa Jack, and Sean. Your mom!” she said, her eyes red rimmed and so empty. “You have a family! They were all I had, and this,” she said, holding the container out to me, “is all that is left of them.”

She sank to her knees with a sob, still clutching the container. I dropped to my knees in front of her, wishing I could take her pain away. I knew, right then, that I was in love with her. She took me by surprise. She was stubborn and such a smartass, always arguing with me and challenging me, but she made me laugh, she was fiercely loyal and kind, and she was so beautiful inside and out.

I wanted to let it out, to tell her how much I loved her and how I would spend my life making sure she felt loved, but at that moment she needed me to be her friend. She needed me to be her family. I could give that to her. I would do anything for her.

I tilted her chin up so she would look at me. “You’re not alone anymore. I’m your family, Alex, and I will be here whenever you need me. Do you understand? You’re not alone.”

She nodded as tears streamed down her beautiful face. I sat down next to her, holding her while she cried. I meant every word I said. I would be there for her as long as she needed me.

When she was ready, we opened the containers together and spread the ashes of her parents in the beautiful little park where they had started their lives together.

***

When we got back to the dorms, I walked her to her room and waited as she unlocked the door.

“Thanks for helping me today.”

“No problem, Red.”

I leaned in and pressed my lips lightly to her forehead. I felt her exhale and I pulled back, looking down at her. We were only inches apart. She looked up at me, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to press her to the wall and taste that lip for myself. I swallowed hard and took a step back.