There, in the sun, the car’s warm curves against my back, I almost feel hope.

Dear Jeremy,

I did love you, that is the one truth I ever told you. You are a man who deserves to be loved. You are a man who is honest and good, one who protects the weak and sees the best. You are a man who works hard and thinks harder. A man who deserves a woman by his side whom he can be proud of, one who can be a mother to his children and a partner in life.

I never really told you about my mother. I know that you know what happened, that she killed my brother and sister and our father. But I didn’t tell you that there was a piece of her mind that was broken, and that she passed that piece on to me. Maybe it was in me all along, but I didn’t discover it until I was seventeen. Until the night I walked in and found my dead family, my mother in the midst of it. I killed her that night, J. It was me, not suicide. I killed her.

That first night, the start of our relationship? You brought me flowers and I asked to borrow your truck. I never told you where I went that night and you never asked. I killed my first man that night. I got back in your truck with his blood on my clothes. He was a horrible person but his life wasn’t mine to take. And I took it because I wanted to, because my hands shake and my blood pulses and I get motherfuckin’ excited at the thought. I drove back to Oklahoma and slept for three days because I was hungover from killing. Because my body was spent and my mind was reeling. And, for a short while, I was fine.

The first time you almost died? In the hospital you told me you didn’t want to know, in case the police questioned you. I didn’t get to you in time because I was getting rid of a body. Because after I killed him, I lay on his body and slept. I didn’t kill him because of you; I didn’t even know about you. I killed him because I wanted to. Because I had a free pass and a sliver of motive and I grabbed hold of it and unleashed hell. I risked your life because I was cocky and too badass to just be normal for once in my life.

And now, you lie in a hospital. I didn’t kill Simon and Chelsea for you, but I would have. You can thank Lily for their lives, for her calling the cops when she did. I’m not going to thank her. I’m pissed at her for taking that from me. A double kill… it would have been so beautiful. But I do believe that Simon’s actions were, at least initially, an accident. You should forgive them. You will forgive them. I know you; it’s what you do. It’s what a truly good person would do.

Don’t forgive me, Jeremy. Understand me. Understand that there is a part of me that is broken and it can’t be fixed and it doesn’t want to be fixed. It is how I was made; it is how I will be until the day that I die. I am not the girl that you fell in love with. You fell in love with a girl I played, a part I do so well that I can sometimes escape to her place and pretend that it’s real. That is what I did with you: I pretended. I pretended until the day when the game stopped being fun. I pretended until the day that my plastic world crumbled around the hum of a ventilator.

My game killed you, J. And I’m sorry that I ever asked you to play. I’m sorry that I ever stood in my doorway and let you see me. I’m sorry that I lied. I’m sorry that my heart is black and I didn’t let you see that until now.

It was a fun game. And now it is over. I pray that you one day get a chance to read this letter. You deserve life. You deserve happiness. You deserve truth and someone who doesn’t have to hide it from you.

Sincerely,

the girl in 6E

AUTHOR’S NOTE

I know there is a large group of you, dear readers, who will be upset with me. I don’t have a response for you, except to say that Deanna is a big piece of me and she spoke very loudly in the writing of this book. One day, should you ever decide to write a book, you will understand that I, as the author, have very little say in the direction that my characters take. It was a very emotional journey, the writing of this book, and I still—even after five rewrites and three editing sweeps—tear up when reading the final chapters. Please know that as emotionally attached as you may be to the characters, I am even more so. I have lived and breathed these souls for over two years.

As far as whether I will write another book in this series—I think that I probably will. I want to explore Deanna’s journey further and see where she goes and what happens to her. And I have a few surprises still tucked up my sleeve that want to be pulled out.

To all of the readers, bloggers, and other authors who have loved Deanna and experienced this series: THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for embracing this wicked girl and taking her under your wing.

With love,

Alessandra Torre

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thank you to Maura Kye-Casella, my angel of an agent, for embracing my little self-pubbed evil child and growing her into this franchise. Thank you to Susan Barnes for seeing her beauty and making her into so much more. Thank you to the entire team at Redhook for perfecting her and then sending her out into the world to be read. A special thanks to Lindsey Hall, Alex Lencicki, Ellen Wright, Laura Fitzgerald, Wendy Chan, Andromeda Macri, Rachel Hairston, Anne Clarke and Tim Holman.

A second giant thank-you to Kiki Chatfield with The Next Step PR and to Tricia Crouch—the greatest assistant an author could ask for. You ladies are amazing. Another thank-you goes out to Perla Calas, whose sharp eyes helped make this book shine.

To Joey—thank you for taking my crazy and pouring kerosene on the fire. I love you so incredibly much.

And to the readers and bloggers. Without your support, these books would never happen. Thank you for reading them, reviewing them, and recommending them to others.

MEET THE AUTHOR

Photo Credit: Romona Robbins Photography

A. R. Torre is an open pseudonym for Alessandra Torre, an award-winning New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of eleven novels. Her books primarily focus on romance and suspense, all with a strong undercurrent of sexuality. Torre has been featured in such publications as Elle and Elle UK, as well as guest-blogged for the Huffington Post and RT Book Reviews. She is also the Bedroom Blogger for Cosmopolitan.com.

You can learn more about Alessandra on her website at www.alessandratorre.com, or you can find her on Twitter (@ReadAlessandra) or Facebook.