I have never been prouder of him than I was in that moment. I was crying when he called that night, unable to hold back the waterworks as I told him how utterly amazing I thought he was.

He’s all I can think about, but today it’s made even worse by the fact that I have a doctor’s appointment and I’m not sure if he’s going to make it or not. When we spoke on the phone last night, he informed me that he would be in Michigan come morning for a shoot, but that he would try his best to be here.

Since it’s an afternoon appointment, I’m crossing my fingers real hard. I want this to be a shared experience. There’s nothing lonelier than going through the birth of your first child alone. I had been willing to do it before we reconnected, but now I want him by my side for all of it. He should be, since this is his first child, too. He should be present for all the firsts.

“You’re all set, Mrs. Piccilo,” I tell the woman laying on my table. Shifting sideways on my stool, I wipe the massage oil lacing my fingers onto a plush white hand towel.

“I feel so relaxed,” Mrs. Piccilo says with a refreshed smile, “I hardly have the energy to leave. Wonderful job, Vista. Same time next week?”

I nod as I stand and see her out. “Same time next week.” She heads to reception to schedule her next appointment and I head back to hand her chart off to Bethany so she can get it filed away. It’s been such a long day already, but it’s not even close to being over.

“It’s five,” Janey reminds me.

I glance at the clock and curse. “Time got away from me. You two will be alright here?” There’s one more hour left until closing, and I hesitate to leave even though there’s no one else on the schedule. Although, anyone in need of my skillset is required to have an appointment, so the girls and Dana, my second in command as I like to call her, are more than capable of holding down the fort. It’s just hard to relinquish control.

Janey waves me off like I’m being ridiculous. “Yes, Mom. Go, get out of here. Shoo!”

Snagging my purse from the locked drawer of her desk, I give her a quick hug, wish everyone a good evening, and head out.

Levi isn’t waiting for me outside, so it’s a long and contemplative drive over in the quiet cab. The doctor’s office isn’t much better. I sign in and take a seat, making sure to leave one open just in case. Wishful thinking is now in full effect.

There are two other women in the waiting room with me. One with a newborn sleeping in its car seat at her feet and a toddler who’s discovered the floor is made of lava. He’s leapfrogging from one connected chair to another. I bury my nose in a magazine, trying my best not to pay too much attention to the little monster, but I’m terrified he’s going to fall and break a leg. His mother, on the other hand, is completely at ease.

I wonder how she does it and if I’ll be able to find that kind of calm. I imagine that I will be a pretty high-strung mom. I’ve seen the kind of damage seemingly simple acts can do to the human body. Hell, Levi’s a prime example. All it took was a hit to the shin in precisely the right way and he had to undergo surgery and weeks of physical training to get back on his feet.

Right. I’m here for a checkup. If I don’t distract myself, I’ll end up down in the ER from skyrocketing blood pressure.

“Vista?”

My head jerks up at the sound of my name and I cast the magazine aside, following the nurse back, letting her know that Levi might show up a little late so they’ll send him back. In the narrow hallway, I kick off my shoes so she can get my weight, then she hands me a plastic cup and a few packets of Sani Wipes.

“You know the drill. I’ll meet you in room two when you’re done,” she informs me.

After I pee in the cup and set it in the window to be tested, I find my assigned room and get up on the table. The paper crinkles, filling the otherwise quiet room.

The nurse asks me a few routine questions and then leaves, assuring me that the doctor will be in shortly.

My feet dangle from the bed as I stare through the slats of the blinds covering the large window. It overlooks the parking lot below and despite knowing that Levi isn’t coming, I can’t help searching the rows of parked cars to be sure his isn’t down there.

This emptiness settles in as my hope finally begins to fade. I already knew the chances of him coming were slim, but I guess I hadn’t fully accepted it until now.

When I hear the rapid double tap on the door, I stiffen my spine and plaster on a fake smile.

“There you are.”

My head whips around at the sound of Levi’s voice. “What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t going to make it.”

Approaching the bed, Levi slips his hand into my hair and pecks my lips. “I almost didn’t. Traffic was crazy, and the shoot ran over. But I told the guy fuck it, I had some place to be. I might have lost that contract. Hell, I might have broken a few dozen speed laws, but nothing was going to stop me from being here.”

My heart is clenching tight with so much love I can hardly breathe. “If you’d been killed in an accident because you were speeding, that certainly would have stopped you.”

Levi’s cocky smirk falls into place. “Not even death, princess.”

I get his meaning, but it doesn’t make me feel any easier. “Promise me you’ll be more careful. I don’t want this baby to have to know you through pictures.”

Levi’s expression softens and he buries both hands in my hair, forcing my head back as he looks me square in the eyes. “I promise, that’s never going to happen.”

“Swear?”

“Cross my heart and hope to die,” he says, making the sign of the cross over his right pectoral.

My elbow jerks, jabbing him in the side. “You’re such an ass.”

He’s still chuckling when Doctor Sommers enters the room. The instant she lays eyes on Levi, her face freezes and her step falters. It’s a split second awareness and then she recovers herself, walking fluidly into the room and drawing a rolling stool over to sit on. “So, this must be Dad.”

“That’s me.” Immediately, Levi takes a step forward and extends his hand, giving hers two firm pumps before stepping back and taking a seat in the visitor’s chair.

I have to give her credit. Doctor Sommers obviously knows who Levi is, but she’s trying hard to reign it in and act professional. As she looks over my chart and asks questions about how I’m feeling, I can’t help but wonder if her interest in Levi is because she’s a soccer fan or if she’s been following the news.

The thought is pushed aside when she asks me to lay back and lift my shirt so she can take some measurements. Levi sits forward in his chair, watching with rapt interest.

“Baby’s head is down,” the doctor comments as she feels around, pressing her fingertips in slightly to get a feel of the baby’s position. “His bottom is up here,” she says, rubbing just below my ribs. “Are you noticing it’s harder to breathe than normal?”

“Just a little extra pressure,” I tell her. It’s nothing too uncomfortable. Not like the occasional foot under the ribcage. That shit sucks.

“Your measurements are good. Everything appears to be right on track. I’d estimate him to be around two pounds right now.”

“Is that good?” Levi asks.

“It’s average. He’s right on target for this stage.”

There’s a soft knock on the door just before it opens and a young girl comes in rolling a cart laden with heavy machinery.

“Ah, just in time.” The doctor grins. “Would you like to see your baby, Dad?”

“Fuck yeah.” Levi’s eyes widen. “Excuse my French.”

“Ignore him,” I speak up. “He isn’t housebroken yet.”

Levi narrows his eyes playfully as the tech sets up her equipment and squirts some clear jelly on my abdomen. After a few moments of rolling the wand around, a whooshing sound fills the room.

“And there’s your baby,” she grins while studying the grainy black and white image on the monitor.