“I know some people who would benefit from your services,” Charles informs. “I’ll make sure to send them your way.”

“Thanks, that’s really nice of you.”

“Hey, we’re business partners. Whatever helps you, helps me.” He grins and bends to pick up a brown leather carry case—a murse, as I’ve taken to calling them—and slings it over his shoulder. “Good luck with business, and please, tell Mr. Black if there’s anything more I can do for him to feel free to contact me anytime. It’s been a real pleasure.”

Stunned silent by his words, I stare after him as he leaves. What the hell does Levi have to do with anything?

I stew over Charles’ parting words as I make my way back up to my apartment. After making a fresh bowl of noodles, I sit down on the couch and stare at the clock. In an hour, Levi will call…but I can’t wait an hour.

Picking up the phone, I dial out. My heart hammers in my chest for unknown reasons. I’m anxious, although I really have no reason to be.

“Hey, princess. What a nice turn of events, you calling me.” Levi’s smooth, sexy baritone filters through the line and my thoughts momentarily freeze. All my doubts about us come rushing back at once: does he really want me? Does he love me? Is he seeing that model behind my back? How is he connected to Charles?

The last question reminds me why I called him in the first place.

“What’s going on, Vista? Is something wrong? Are you and the baby okay?”

I hear Levi speaking and realize I must have tuned out. He’s worked up now, worried over my prolonged silence.

Drawing in a steeling breath, I force myself to speak. “How do you know Charles Tanner?”

29

Levi’s hesitation is worrisome. “Listen, Vista, don’t freak out.”

“Why the fuck would I freak out, Levi,” I snap, annoyance and fear edging my voice. “Just you saying that makes me freak out.”

“Well, don’t. It’s not that big a deal.”

“If it’s not a big deal, then tell me what the hell Charles Tanner has to do with you and why he asked me to tell you that he’d be more than willing to do business with you again anytime? And while you’re at it, I’d like you to explain how this relates to my company, because he certainly made it sound like there was a connection.”

Levi sighs down the line, the sound heavy and ominous. Now I really am nervous, and the more nervous I get, the angrier I feel. He’s hiding something from me, and I want to know what it is. Now.

“It’s a long story. Can you wait until I come by so I can sit down and explain it in person?”

I huff. “Seeing as how you haven’t come by in over a month and there’s no telling when the next time will be, no. No, it can’t wait.”

“Jesus, Vista. You’re a real ballbuster,” Levi complains.

“I have to be, dealing with you.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Now Levi is pissed off, and even though a part of me cringes to know we’re fighting, thus further rocking the unsteady base we’re standing on, I also can’t bring myself to care enough to back down. I’m never going to be that girl, the quiet, passive woman who lets her boyfriend run all over her.

“You’re a smart, college educated man. I’m sure you can figure it out.”

“Goddammit, would you stop being a bitch for one fucking minute!” I sit silently, stewing in my rage, while Levi formulates whatever he needs to formulate. “Fine,” he finally huffs. “You want to know the story, then I’ll give you the trimmed down version of it.”

Crossing my legs Indian style, my grip on the phone tightens in preparation of his explanation.

“You wouldn’t take money from David. When you did that, he made no bones about it. He knew you would fail and he couldn’t wait to see it happen. He laughed about it over dinner one night and I was so fucking sick of his pompous, self-righteous arrogance that I snapped. I did some digging and found someone who was willing to invest in your company and the rest, as they say, is history.”

I suck in an audible breath. I know I should be flattered and grateful for what he did, but at the same time I’m hurt. “So my success is because of you.” I don’t mean for it to sound like an accusation, but it kind of is. I feel betrayed. Sullied. I wanted so much to do this on my own. I thought I had broken away from David Black and his extensive influence and forged my own path. I thought I had done it all on my own, only to find out now that my success is not my own. I’m still indebted, and it’s to another Black.

“No, princess. Your success is yours. It belongs to you one hundred percent. I have nothing to do with that. It’s all you, baby,” Levi soothes.

“Did it ever occur to you that I wanted to do this on my own? That I returned David’s money because I didn’t want it?”

“I was just trying to help.”

“If I wanted your help, I would have asked for it! I didn’t want to build my name from yours. This was the one thing I had that was completely mine. The one thing I could be proud of because I did it on my own,” I cry. And maybe I’m being a whiny bitch, but I feel as if everything I knew was a lie. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz when she finds out that the wizard is just a man pulling strings behind a curtain.

“I can’t believe you’re making such a big deal out of this!” Levi shouts back. “I did it for you. Everything I’ve done has been for you!”

“Oh yeah? And what have you done exactly, Levi? Except run across the country, leaving me here to deal with a bunch of bullshit. You have people that shelter you from everything, but what do I have? Every day I sit here, gestating, unable to leave the house for fear of being mauled or verbally attacked or criticized for everything I do or say or how I look. You said that we would do this together. You said that we could get through it if we were together, but newsflash! You have to actually be here for that to work.”

I sense his frustration, hear it in his labored breaths. When Levi speaks, his voice is tight. “I’m trying. What more do you want from me?”

My eyes widen. Is he fucking kidding me? “I want you here! Is that so hard to comprehend?”

“Well, I can’t be there right now, all right? I’m trying, dammit, but this shit takes time.”

Furious, I glare out the single window across from me as if he’s standing on the other side. “Well, time is running out.”

“What are you saying, Vista? Are you breaking up with me?”

My heart stutters at the mere mention of it. It’s not something I want, but I know it’s a possibility, and the more time he spends away, the more I’m beginning to think it might be inevitable.

“I’m saying…I’m saying that this baby isn’t going to wait, and…and I’m not sure I’m willing to either.”

The line grows deathly quiet and I know that this is it. This is the deciding factor. I’ve placed the ball firmly in Levi’s court. What he does with it now is entirely up to him.

“You need to figure out what your priorities are,” I tell him softly, not even trying to hide the thick sadness filling every cell in my body until it bleeds over, filling every word.

He still hasn’t responded, but I know he hasn’t hung up. I imagine him sitting there, just as I am, too stunned for words. If it was just me, I might reconsider my approach, but my priorities have shifted and it’s about time that Levi’s did, too. The sooner, the better.

***

Levi isn’t speaking to me. All calls have stopped. He no longer checks in at night or in the morning. I miss it. I miss him. I didn’t think I could get any lonelier when he left me that day in my apartment, but now I know that couldn’t be further from the truth. The truth is, it’s so much worse than I imagined.

All the books mention post-partum depression. What about during-pregnancy depression? Why doesn’t anyone ever mention that?