Regret creeps up my throat, threatening to eat me alive. I lost Rhett, and I’m already having trouble imaging a tomorrow without him in it. I lost Carson, too. If I could go back and do it all over, I’d still choose Rhett, but I would have been more careful. I would have thought about the future more, and less about what everyone expected from me.

Now I’m left to figure my life out on my own and a day without support from Carson and love from Rhett isn’t one I can imagine. Not when the world is about to find out what we’ve been hiding.

All I want to do is crawl into a hole and pretend this isn’t my life—that it’s all a dramatic nightmare I’ll wake up from as soon as I snap my fingers. But no matter how many times I click my heels and pray for something to change, it doesn’t. I’m still Kinsley West, the failure.

My body shivers I’m so cold. When I look in my closet for dry clothes, all my favorite pieces remind me of time spent with Rhett. I sink down to the floor, staring at the small pile of shoes in front of me. Even those have miles on them—miles I shared with the only guy I’ve ever truly loved.

I want my boyfriend back so bad it hurts.

And I need my friend to tell me it will be okay.

“Kins.”

I’m positive I hear Carson’s voice, but I’m not asleep. Like I’m in a dream, my arms are pulled out of my shirt before it’s lifted over my head. Warm cotton sucks me up, eventually falling to the top of my thighs.

I hear his voice again. “What did he do to you?”

Nothing. I’m the one who ruined everything. The urge to convince him Rhett’s not responsible is so strong, I finally open my swollen eyes. Carson’s kneeling in front of me, pulling off my shoes and socks. “It’s really you,” I whisper.

“It’s me.”

“You were so mad. Why did you come back?”

He inches my leggings down my legs and when they’re off, he tosses them into the wash basket next to the door. Before he asks any more questions, he lifts me off the floor, and carries me to my bed. He sits down next to me and I ask him again. “Why?”

“Because I care about you. I can’t believe you’re pregnant, Kins. I really can’t, but I don’t hate you. I never could.”

I pull on his hand, silently asking him to get in bed with me. Right now, I need his comfort. I need the reminder of all the times he’s held me and promised me I’d be okay because he was right every single time.

He’s hesitant when he says, “I can’t. You’re not mine.”

He’s right. My heart belongs to Rhett. He’s who I’m craving, but can’t have.

“Don’t cry, Kins.”

“We’re over. His mom found out I’m pregnant. She kicked me out.”

“Rhett let you leave?”

“He wanted me to stay, but I couldn’t. He needs his Mom more than he needs me. He just doesn’t know it yet.”

Carson lays down next to me, pulling me close. We’ve been in this position so many times. The night my mom died was the first time he protected me in his arms. Ever since, it’s been where I go for comfort. At least until Rhett came along.

Like he did before, he reads my mind. He knows what I need without having to ask. “You’re not alone anymore. I’ll take care of you. Tell me what you need.”

Carson has always accepted me just as I am—with every single flaw, mistake, and imperfection. He’s never wanted me to be anything other than who I am, and I’m grateful. “I just need you to hold me.”

“I’ve got you.”

I don’t wake up until noon the next day. Carson’s still in bed next to me, sleeping. Even though I’m not with Rhett anymore, I still feel like I’m cheating by being in bed with someone else. There’s not much time to dwell on it though, because as soon as I sit up, I’m reminded of the fact that I’m pregnant.

I rush to the bathroom, and fall to my knees just in time. My stomach contracts painfully, and my throat is still raw from the last time I got sick. Carson’s right behind me, pulling my hair away from my face, and holding it so it doesn’t get thrown up on.

When I start to feel the nausea pass, I sit back on my heels, trying to catch my breath. Even though I woke up less than five minutes ago, I’m already tired again. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Yes, you can. You’re going to be a great mother.” Carson helps me off the floor, and puts toothpaste on my toothbrush for me. “Open.”

I open my mouth and he sticks it inside, running it back and forth over my teeth. I smile at him, wondering what he’s doing. “I can handle it.”

He hands me the toothbrush, but he doesn’t leave. He sits on the edge of the tub, waiting until I finish. When I do, he pulls me onto his lap. The air from the vent hits my legs, and I realize all I’m wearing is one of his T-shirts. I forgot he changed me last night when I was too far gone to do it myself.

“Feel better?”

I nod my head. “For now.”

“You sort of missed most of school. Is there anything you wanted to do today?”

“There’s only one more day of school before break. I didn’t really feel like answering a bunch of questions anyway.”

“I guess they’re going to know about the baby, now.”

“I’m sure it’s spread like a wild fire.”

Neither of us say anything for a couple minutes, we just sit in the bathroom of all places, absorbing the drama of the previous day.

“I’m really sorry, Kins,” Carson says, breaking the silence. “I would never hurt you. When I threw that book, I wasn’t aiming for anything other than the wall.”

“You scared me.”

“I shouldn’t have done it. When I saw the fear in your eyes, that you were actually afraid of me, I knew I had to leave.”

“Why did you come back?”

“Because I didn’t want you to be alone. And if I’m being honest, I needed to be with you again. You think I’m here because your brother asked me. The truth is, I volunteered because I was hoping it would make you want to be with me. But by the time I got here, you already had your sights set on someone else.”

“I’ll always care about you.”

“But you still want Rhett, right?”

“I don’t know what I want anymore. I thought we had it figured out—I never expected his mom to react the way she did. I don’t know what I was thinking. I mean, what parent would be cool with their kid having a baby?”

“You’ve been blinded by love.”

“Maybe.”

“I get it, Kins. When you love someone, you’ll do just about anything for them. The past seven days, I walked around this place trying to figure out how to ask you about the baby. Nothing sounded right, and the days kept getting away from me before I could come up with something. Confronting you was stupid. It’s not how I wanted to approach it at all.”

“You’re forgiven.”

He leans forward and kisses my cheek. I close my eyes, and all on its own my head turns toward him. Without thinking about what I’m doing or about the consequences, I lean in and find his lips. I’ve wondered for years what it would be like to kiss Carson. Now I’m finding out.

His hands tangle in my hair, and he turns me around in his lap so I’m straddling his waist. His mouth feels good on mine. His fingers tug on my hair just enough that it prickles my scalp, but doesn’t hurt. Everything about our first kiss is good, but it doesn’t give me butterflies the way kissing Rhett does.

It’s nice, but it’s not him.

Carson, on the other hand, is staring back at me like I’m his world. I so badly want to feel the same way, so I can put the past behind me and move on like it never existed. He reminds me though when he runs his hand over my stomach. “I’ll take care of you. I’ll love you both so much.”

Here’s this amazingly sweet guy willing to sacrifice even more for my happiness. He’s telling me he’ll take us both, because we’re a package deal now. I should be rejoicing—thanking my lucky stars I’m not going to end up alone, but it only makes me want to fix things with Rhett that much more. I can’t imagine anyone else raising this baby with me.