‘I w-wanted to talk to you about it too,’ she said, before her mouth dried up again. She pictured moving her things back into Josh’s loft. Her photographs were back on his walls. There was that black and white picture she had taken of his naked back, his broad shoulders and trim waist forming a kind of cross, his muscles clearly defined. She’d hang that back in the bedroom. She remembered she used to look at the photograph and then turn her eyes to the real thing next to her. She would run her fingers down his back, massaging his strained and tired muscles, until he would turn over and –

‘It’s hard for me to say this, and I’ve been talking it over with Jules, and I want access to the child – our child,’ he said.

Kate couldn’t speak. In fact, she was certain that her mouth dropped open slightly. She couldn’t grasp the reality of what Josh was saying.

‘I feel it’s only right, only proper,’ he said. ‘And Jules feels the same. It’s half my child and I have a right to see it. Of course, I want to contribute, financially, that’s not a problem. Jules’s restaurant is doing quite well at the moment – you know she had that great write up in the Times recently – and she’s more than willing to invest in the child’s future. In fact –‘

‘Excuse me?’ Her voice was raw, rasping. ‘What are you trying to say?’

‘Come on, Kate. Don’t take that tone. We’ve got to be able to talk about this without getting all –‘

‘All what? Hysterical?’

‘Well – yes. To be honest. Yes. And we need to get things sorted out. We need to talk about the future of – of our child. Like I said, Jules –‘

Kate slammed her cup down on the table, spilling her green tea, and stood up.

‘Kate – sit down. We need to talk.’

‘There’s nothing left to talk about.’

Josh placed a hand on her shoulder, but she brushed him away, his wide, slightly hairy fingers suddenly as disgusting as the legs of a tarantula.

‘Leave me alone.’ She grabbed her bag and pushed past him.

‘Kate, don’t make a scene. This isn’t fair.’

‘You don’t know the meaning of the word.’

And to think that she actually thought he was going to ask her to move back in with him. How foolish. How pathetic. He was still in love with Jules. But did he seriously think she would let her baby spend weekends with the woman who had stolen him away from her? As she moved away from the table she turned back to look at him.

‘And as for access? Forget it. It’s not going to happen.’

‘Kate, please.’

‘And if you want to “talk”, as you so quaintly put it, you can do that through my lawyer. I’ll get him to draft a letter, which he will deliver to your office.’

In her car she placed a hand up to her face. Her mouth, as dry as the desert only a few moments ago, was wet now, full of her tears.

29

Cassie lifted her hands up to feel Kate’s face.

‘You’ve been crying,’ she said.

‘Is there nothing I can hide from you?’ Kate ran her fingers over the smooth – and, as she thought, dry - surface of her skin, tracing the line up from her high cheekbones to her temples. ‘Anyway, how do you know? That was hours ago.’

Cassie smiled.

‘Witch,’ Kate joked, reaching out to give her a little mock slap, before pulling her down onto the sofa with her.

‘What did you say?’ said Cassie, tickling Kate under her arm.

‘Stop! Stop!’

‘Take it back,’ said Cassie, her finger working like a worm now. ‘Do you take it back?’

‘Yes,’ said Kate between her giggles. ‘Yes. Stop!’

The two women fell backwards on the sofa, consumed by laughter.

‘I haven’t laughed like that for months,’ said Kate.

‘Me neither.’

Cassie turned her head towards the woman who, during the last few weeks, had become her friend. Kate knew that Cassie could not see her, yet she felt somehow that she was assessing her, searching her face for traces of the thing that had made her cry. It reminded her of her mother.

‘I know I may as well tell you,’ said Kate.

‘What happened?’

‘What do you think happened? Josh happened. Or rather didn’t.’

‘I thought you two had split up.’

‘Yes, we had.’

‘So?’

‘Call me crazy, but for some stupid reason I got it into my head that we were going to get back together. I know, I know, it’s dumb. I suppose it was the fact that the case had brought us closer, that I felt him somehow protecting me, but – ‘ She bit her lip, which was beginning to tremble. ‘I got carried away, I guess. In my head I could already see myself back in his place. I had already reorganised his kitchen, put my books back on the shelves, hung my photographs.’

‘Kate,’ said Cassie, stroking her friend’s shoulder.

‘But, of course, the reality was that he’s got no intention of leaving Jules. And – and he wants access to the child.’

Cassie didn’t say anything, a silence which Kate guessed was an indication of her point of view.

‘Enough of that,’ she said, standing up. The last thing she wanted was an argument with Cassie. ‘There are some things you need to know about the case.’ She reached out her hands and pulled Cassie up from the sofa. ‘It’s time we got to work.’

‘Do you mean my plan?’

‘No,’ said Kate. ‘You can forget about that.’

‘But –‘

‘No discussion. It’s too dangerous.’

‘Then what?’

Kate led Cassie over to a desk in the corner of the room. She pressed a button on her laptop, bringing it to life.

‘Hoban told me what Gleason said to him when he was arrested.’

‘What? What was it?’

‘”Watch out for another me.” Those were his exact words, apparently.’

‘Oh my God.’

‘So it seems like he knew what was going to happen way back then. That he had it all in place.’