I’m not good at this.

I’m not good at soothing people when it’s not immediately following an intense sexual scene.

“Stop.” I rake my hand along my jaw, my gaze flicking up. “Stop crying, Bellamy. Stand up. Have a little more respect for yourself. Show me the girl I met. The one drinking champagne on a Tuesday and ignoring the handsome stranger who dared to ask her name. Give me her. I want her.”

Her shoulders shake, harder now, and her palms slick away against her wet cheeks until she drags her eyes to meet mine. She takes a moment and pulls in a long drag of cool air to quell the crying.

“She was a lie.” She focuses on my shoes, refusing to make eye contact. “She never existed.”

TWENTY

BELLAMY

I’m in my office, but I don’t remember how I got here. I think I bolted away from Dane before he had a chance to say another word. I’ve tangled myself into a web of lies, and there’s no one else to blame but myself.

Dane’s an arrogant, pretentious asshole, and all things considered, I don’t even deserve him. He deserves better than some wanna-be sophisticate who’s nothing like the girl she pretends to be.

I walk up to the mirror and grab a tissue, smearing off the Chanel lipstick I’d slicked on for him this morning.

I’m a humiliated fool, no doubt. I thought I could waltz into his office, fall on my knees, take him in my mouth, and redeem myself, but clearly that’s not how he operates.

All the pretty things hanging in my closet will stay there. The makeup. The jewelry. The car. None of it was mine, but it was pretty amazing to step into someone else’s shoes for a change. I take one final look at them, running my hands along the intricate beading of a silk chiffon camisole in twenty shades of ivory I never had a chance to wear.

I shut the closet. It’s not the fancy things I’m going to miss the most. It’s the way I felt when I was his for one whole week of my hopeless life. For a week, I was treasured, lavished, ravished, and needed.

And for one whole week, freedom from Cortland and freedom from my father’s religious rule was beginning to be a fingers-reach away for the first time in my life.

Plan B.

I’ll keep trying.

I’ll find something else.

I’ll never give up.

I empty my things from one of the fancy bags I’d used over the weekend, carrying my wallet and leaving the Land Rover keys and my cell phone on my desk, next to my laptop.

“I’m not a believer in second chances.”

I glance up to see Dane standing in the doorway.

“And I’ve never chased after a woman.” He folds his arms. “Ever.”

“This is you chasing after me?” My knees weaken, and after the morning I’ve had, I need to sit down.

“I’m not letting you leave,” he says, “when clearly you’re in dire straits. I was hoping to make you work for it a bit more, but seeing as though you’re on a tight timeline, I’m not sure you can afford to wait.”

I nod, squeezing my eyes. My fist tightens, pressing against my lips.

“Can I just say something?” A quick inhalation bottles in my chest. “I’m so sorry for lying. I’m sorry for everything.”

He chuckles, shutting the door behind him and taking a seat across from me. “Blanket apologies are half-assed, Bellamy. I’m happy to offer you assistance, but you won’t receive my forgiveness unless you offer a better apology than that.”

He’s right.

I’m going to have to confess…

Everything.

“Several months ago, I met this guy at church.” My eyes close as my fingers drum on the table. “We started out skipping Bible study and fooling around in the backseat of his car. Long story short, he’s threatening to tell my father everything if I don’t court him and subsequently agree to marry him.”

I peek through one eye, to see Dane’s narrowed expression as he rests his chin against a balled fist while he studies me.

“So I’ve been courting him a couple months now. It’s awful. He’s awful. The thought of him touching me again makes me sick.” My tongue smacks as a wave of nausea hits. “He’s a monster, Dane. And my family loves him.”

“You’re an uncompromising woman, Bellamy. I’m finding it hard to believe you’re being strong-armed by some religious nut you met at Bible study.”

My head tilts. “There’s so much more than you know, Dane. Girls have been married off in my ward. Married off to old men with dozens of wives. My father associates with those people. Shares the same believes. You don’t understand what he’s capable of. He’ll do anything to protect the family’s reputation. He’d kill to be a quorum member too. Proving to them that he can raise a whole soccer team of children to walk the divine path would be a quick ticket in for him.”

“I’m not discrediting you.” He sits up, pursing his lips. “What’s his name? The guy you’re supposed to marry?”

I want to ask what he’s going to do with that information, but instead, I offer it up on a silver platter. “Cortland McGregor.”

His name puckers my lips and sends a sloshing sensation to my stomach.

“The salary you were paying me,” I say. “I was going to save it all until I had enough to buy my own car and afford to move out.”

Dane is as quiet as he’s ever been in the short amount of time that I’ve known him. His fingers rake across the downturned corner of his mouth and the hollow spot above his jaw flexes.

“You were selling yourself to me,” he says.

“Willingly,” I add.

“And what did you plan on doing once you’d achieved your goal?” His gaze tightens. “Once you were done with me, done doing what needed to be done.”

“I didn’t think that far.”

I wish he’d look at me.

He rises. “I’m not fond of being used, Bellamy. I’m not fond of being lied to or manipulated.”

“I understand. And I’m so sorry.” I get up and saunter around the desk until I’m face to face with him, and then I slowly lower myself to my knees once more. With my hands clasped tight against my heart, I glance up into his blue-grey gaze and pray he doesn’t hate me after what I’m about to tell him. “Randy Mutchler never offered me a job, which I know you know. I had an interview that day, and I missed it. That’s how I ended up at the bar. And then you walked in, and everything happened so fast. I needed a job in the worst way, Dane. And by the time I realized what I’d agreed to and you offered me such a generous salary, it was too late to mention to you that I was a virgin.”

“Wait. What?”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“It’s something that needs to be discussed before you’re about to have sex with someone.” His jaw clenches. “When were you planning on telling me? Before or after you were about to bleed all over my sheets?”

“I’m sorry.” There’s nothing more I can say.

“Get up,” he says. “Unless you have anything else you need to confess to. If there’s anything else I should know, say it now.”

“There’s nothing else.” I shake my head. “That’s everything.”

“I’m going to help you, Bellamy.” He reaches for my hand, helping me up. “But you cannot lie to me again. About anything. Do you understand that?”

“I do.”

“I will not give you another chance. This is it.”

“Understood.”

My hands feel small in his, and it’s only then I realize he’s still holding them. I don’t know why he wants to help me all of a sudden. I don’t deserve it, but I’m not in a place to turn it down.

“Where do we go from here?” I hold my hands still in his, wanting him to keep me there just a moment longer.

“Not sure yet, but we can’t pick up where we left off.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not going to force you to sleep with me, Bellamy, knowing you’re only doing it to free yourself from a life of oppression.”

“That’s noble of you.” My voice drops. “But I’m fine with the arrangement we had. I was starting to enjoy it. The thrill. The shiny and new. It’s a nice distraction from…everything else.”