I didn’t want to be Copper anymore. I sure as hell didn’t want to be Dawson.
But it was too late. I’d lost my chance. I’d missed my window. Sierra was gone, and there was nothing I could do about it.
Jenna was right.
I was an idiot.
I was unbelievable.
I was blind.
And, worst of all, I was alone.
MY FINGERS TREMBLED AS I slipped into my new bikini. It was the first summer Mom allowed me to wear a two piece, and even though I was covered in all the intimate areas, I looked in the mirror and felt…sexy.
After having spent the last two months with my grandmother up north in Ohio, I was back in Navarre and getting ready to head to the beach to see all of my friends. While it had been nice to spend time with my family, I missed my friends. Most of all, I missed Jeremy, and even though we’d talked on the phone weekly, it just wasn’t the same. It was the longest we’d ever been apart, and I vowed to myself: never again. Needless to say, I was pretty eager to see him.
And slightly disappointed that I’d been home for almost an entire day and he hadn’t come by yet.
I was also eager to show the new me off. It was as if karma had overheard my last conversation with Jeremy and smiled down at me, blessing me in the most incredible fashion. Over the summer, I’d filled out in all the right places. I, Sierra Sullivan, finally had boobs. It’d only taken fifteen years. My hips were slightly wider, and I no longer looked like a string bean. The way the swimsuit clung to my curves made me nervous, but at the same time, it was empowering to look into the mirror and finally see a woman staring back at me.
I wondered if anyone else would notice.
Oh, who was I kidding? The truth was, I was wondering if—and maybe not-so-secretly hoping—Jeremy would notice.
I also feared that he’d found a girl over the summer. He hadn’t had me occupying all of his time, and even though he hadn’t mentioned anyone, Jenna had given little hints here and there that maybe he’d seen Heather Perkinson more than a time or two at parties.
Sighing, I fell back on my bed and thought about the boy who’d held my affections for as long as I could remember. Over the course of freshman year, things between us had started to change, and I had been seeing him in such a different light. I hadn’t looked at him as just my best friend. I had been looking at him as so much more. And, to be honest, it had terrified me. It’d also thrilled me. The contradictions had made my brain swim, and every so often, I’d throw out a line, hoping to get a little nibble, to see if Jeremy was the catch I was hoping he’d be.
Every time I thought he was feeling the same about me and about to act on it, he didn’t. I started to think I’d been imagining it all. That perhaps he didn’t return my feelings and maybe I was reading too much into his actions. So, when the opportunity to spend the summer in Ohio arose, I jumped at it, hoping a few months of separation would get my head back on straight.
Wishful thinking.
Being away from him for the whole summer had done little to squash my feelings. In fact, I think it had amplified them, and I had no idea what I was going to do about it. What if he didn’t feel the same? What if this whole thing was one-sided and, in the aftermath, it was too awkward to be around each other? Losing Jeremy’s friendship would kill me. Being in love with my best friend, who had no idea, was already starting to take its toll.
What if I told him and lost him? It would be unbearable. He’d always been an extension of myself. The silly “where you go, I go” mantra wasn’t actually all that silly. It was the truth. It was us. I couldn’t lose that, even if it meant hiding the way I felt.
Since that day we’d met down at the Sound, Jeremy and I had been inseparable. Best friends. The three amigos—him, Chris, and me. At least, that’s how it had been until school had started. Chris and Jenna’s childhood taunting had gone from friendly to romantic, and as soon as the two had become an official item, they’d gone off into their own little world. Jeremy and I had found ourselves as the two amigos ninety percent of the time.
He didn’t want to watch Jenna and Chris make out any more than they wanted an audience, so we became a twosome. And I was entirely fine with spending my time alone with him. In fact, I reveled in it. I stupidly thought he felt the same, but he proved otherwise. All of those moments I’d thought were near kisses were a fluke. A product of my fantasies, and now that I was mere minutes away from seeing him again, a flock of butterflies began to attack my stomach.
I had no idea when the lines between friendship and love had blurred. The summer had done nothing to help with my vision, because my heart still raced at the prospect of seeing him again. Part of me hoped my new look would entice him, but I wasn’t exactly counting on it. Hell, for all I knew, he’d found a girlfriend this summer.
The thought alone made me nauseated.
A knock sounded on my door, pulling me from my thoughts of self-pity. When I sat up, Jenna was walking into my room, and my heart dropped when she shut the door behind her. I jumped to throw my cover-up on, as I wasn’t comfortable with how much skin my bathing suit was showing.
“Hey, girl,” she called as she rummaged through her purse. It wasn’t until she looked up at me that she stopped dead in her tracks, her jaw dropping over as her eyes raked over my body. “Holy crap, Sierra! Where did those come from?” she asked in awe.
I squirmed as she leaned forward and surprised me by squeezing one of my brand-new boobs with her perfectly manicured hand. My cheeks flamed, and I pulled back, but she latched on and moved with me. Talk about humiliating.
Whoa. The wrong Banks twin was admiring my new assets.
“If I’d have known you could get those in Ohio, I’d have begged to come with you.”
I laughed at her frankness. “Late bloomer,” I told her. “I was starting to think I’d be flat-chested for the rest of my life.”
She whistled as she took in the sight of me. “Jeremy’s going to cream his pants.”
My mouth dropped open. “What?! No, Jeremy doesn’t look at me like that,” I protested. “Plus, that’s your brother. Gross.”
She waved me off and sat on the edge of my bed. Then she raised a disbelieving eyebrow at me. “You two are the blindest people I’ve ever met.”
I wrinkled my nose. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
She let out a deep sigh. “Tell me, Sierra. Why don’t you date? Plenty of guys asked you out last year, and you turned them all down. Don’t you like anyone?”
Ever since she’d started dating Chris, she’d become the ultimate girly-girl. Sometime halfway through our freshman year, she’d decided her mission was to find me a boyfriend, no matter how hard I’d tried to tell her that I didn’t want one.
“Sierra? Hello? Did you hear me? Isn’t there anyone you like?” she repeated. “What about Danny? He’s been asking about you all summer.”
My stomach tightened. Of course I liked someone. He just didn’t know it, and I didn’t know if I could ever tell him. And it was most definitely not Danny Moyer.
“Aha,” she said, causing me to frown.
“Aha what?”
“Like I said—freaking blind. Now, come on. The boys are already waiting, and we only have a few days of summer left.”
For about the thousandth time, I checked my new cell phone, then the parking lot, and then my phone again.