He gives me a tight smile. “There are big risks to falling in love.”

I nod and look back to the road. “Big risks.”

When we get back to his apartment, Lachlan invites me up. I hesitate. I want to go, I want to be with him every way I can. But there’s something heavy on my chest, and if I sleep with him tonight, I feel it will get even worse. I need to be alone to process it. I need to build back my strength by myself. For such a strong man, he only makes me weaker.

That night, alone in bed, I stare at the empty pillow beside me and wonder what it would be like to always have someone there.

Then I wonder what it would be like to never have someone there again.

How far can you fall for someone until you have to call it love?

I hope I never find out.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Kayla

At work on Friday, the time passes by like molasses. I stare at the clock on my computer monitor, counting down the minutes, the seconds, until I can go home, get my bags, get Lachlan, and head to Napa.

But when the proverbial whistle blows and I’m all ready and waiting outside his apartment, whatever excitement I had all day has been replaced by acute fear. This is the last time I’ll be here, picking him up. After Sunday, he’s gone.

Even though I didn’t sleep with him after my mother’s on Wednesday night, yesterday was a different story. I went right over to his apartment after work, strode inside, and fucked his brains out. In his bedroom, of course, away from the judgemental eyes of Emily. Whatever strange melancholy that had gripped me at my mother’s house wasn’t present. I lost myself to his body in every way that I could, literally screwing him sideways until two in the morning, when I finally pried myself away and went back home to sleep.

But now, now that I’m waiting for him, now that we’re about to embark on our last few days together, that melancholy is back, humming in my soul like a tune you can’t forget.

It gets a little better though, as things often do, when I finally see Lachlan.

He takes hulking strides toward the car, duffle bag on one shoulder, pet crate in hand. He’s wearing his hiking boots, blue jeans with rips in them, a white t-shirt that perfectly showcases those traps, those shoulders, the swirl of tattoos down his arms. My breath hitches, my legs clench, the heat inside burns and burns. His effect on me will never be duplicated.

He opens the back door and puts the crate inside. I look behind me at Emily. Her scruffy little face is at the gate. I’m prepared for her to growl or at least show some teeth, but she just eyes me for a moment before her gaze goes back to Lachlan. It’s obvious the dog adores him; she can barely look away. I wonder if that’s how I appear.

“Hello, love,” he says to me as he gets in the front seat. He leans forward, cups my jaw in his hand, and gives me a long, slow kiss that makes my heart skip a few beats.

I grin at him, wiggling in my seat from excitement, and then jerk my thumb at the back seat. “She seems to be warming up to me.”

“I told you she’d come around,” he says, putting his large hand on my bare thigh as we drive off.

The journey to Napa is a gorgeous one. I opt for the longer route, heading over the Golden Gate Bridge, purely because it’s more scenic and it gives me more time alone with him before I have to share him with everyone else. The temperature climbs as we head inland. Soon, the sun is baking us, our windows are down, and we are blasting down two-lane highways, the smell of vineyards and warmed fields blowing through the car.

“What if we keep driving forever?” I ask him dreamily, the soulful lament of Lana Del Rey’s “Honeymoon” pouring from the speakers.

“What if we do?” he asks, playing along.

“Where would we go?”

“Does it matter?” His voice is so beautifully hopeful that I have to look at him. He gives me a quick smile and props his elbow on the open window, running his fingers over his chin and staring off at the dry hills.

No. It wouldn’t matter. We could find a field, a cabin, a mountain stream. We could go north or south or east. We could pull down the next country road and set up camp around the car, just him, me, and Emily. We could take time and stretch it between our fingers and spend an eternity in each other’s arms.

But reality doesn’t work like that. Not that reality has handed us such a bum deal today. When we reach Napa and I pull the car into the massive parking lot of the Meritage Hotel, I’m incredibly grateful that Bram organized this whole thing—a way for him to see his cousin before he goes and a way for me to do the same.

“Well this is bloody nice,” Lachlan says quietly as we get out of the car and gather our stuff. The heat blankets us as we cross the lot and enter the hotel lobby. Immediately we see the gang.

“Heeeeeeeeeeey!” Bram yells with a big smile, glass of red wine in his hand, coming over to us. He pulls Lachlan into a hug, slapping him on the back, and then does the same to me.

“My god, Bram, are you drunk already?” I ask as he pulls away.

“We got here early,” he says, and gestures to the rest of them. Linden and Steph stroll over, also with wine, while I spot Nicola in the background talking to someone at the front desk.

“Hey you two,” Steph says, hugging me as Bram did, though she doesn’t do the same to Lachlan. Her eyes wander up and down, almost as if she’s intimidated by him. Maybe because Lachlan is frowning at her something fierce. I know that being around a bunch of people has probably put him on edge already, and I reach out for his hand, giving it a squeeze.

He seems to relax before my eyes, and Steph’s gaze bounces between us. She gives me a small smile, and Linden steps in to give his cousin one of those handshakes that takes up the whole forearm.

“Glad you came,” Linden says before he spots the dog carrier. He drops to a crouch and says, “Aw, who is this?”

Emily immediately starts barking at him which makes Linden jump back and up. “Jesus, Lachlan, he’s as surly as you.”

“She,” Lachlan corrects. “This is Miss Emily.”

Linden snorts. “Bit of a pansy name for a dog. And you named her?”

“Aye,” Lachlan says, staring Linden down with a hint of crazy eyes.

“Let’s get us checked in,” I say, pulling on Lachlan’s arm and leading him over to the front desk.

“Are you okay?” I whisper.

He grunts in response. I assume that means he’s fine. Or that I shouldn’t worry about it anyway.

We say hi to Nicola when we check in, and once we get the keys to our room, she tells me to come meet them at the wine cellar on property for a group wine tasting, even though it seems that they’ve been doing plenty of tasting on their own already.

Our room is on the ground floor and done up in the Mediterranean style. Lachlan lets Emily out of the crate, then sticks her on a leash, opening the door to our patio and leading her outside to pee. I quickly freshen up in the bathroom, stretching my limbs after being cooped up in the car, and then flounce on the king-size bed, testing the firmness of the mattress. It feels like a dream. I could fuck all night on it.

When he comes back in, Emily hops up on the bed beside me, and I realize that fucking the day and night away might be difficult when the dog will be watching our every move again.

Lachlan lies down beside me on his back, putting his thick arm across my stomach. I watch him inhale and exhale, his chest rising and falling.

“Already feel like being antisocial?” I ask him.

“Mmmm,” he says, staring at me. “I’d rather be in here with you.”

“Well, if you have anything amorous planned, we may have to do it outside. Miss Emily here will be watching our every move.”

He shrugs. “So we’ll put her in the bathroom.”

“She’ll bark.”

He sighs. “Yes, she will.”

I turn into him and run my finger over his forehead, smoothing out the creases. “Always so expressive,” I tell him, pressing into the notch between his brows. “Always thinking about something.”