“Oh? What is it?”

“Uh, well. You know Lachlan?”

“Yes, of course. How is he?”

“Good…good. Yeah, he’s good. But he’s leaving for Scotland tomorrow. Well actually, he was supposed to leave today but he missed his flight because of the traffic.”

“Oh no.”

“And, well, when he called the airline to book for tomorrow, he kind of booked me a seat on his flight.”

There’s a long pause. “What?”

“He wants me to go with him.”

“And what did you say?” she asks anxiously.

“Well, obviously I told him I’d have to think about it. I’ve got work and I don’t know if they’ll let me take a vacation at the last minute. And then there’s you.”

“Me?”

“I don’t feel good about leaving you, Mom.”

“Oh, good heavens. Kayla. Be serious.”

“I am serious. I know you’re not doing well and—“

“I’m fine.” She cuts me off and her voice sounds stronger than ever. “Don’t you worry about me. You can’t just turn down something amazing because you’re worried about your mother. That’s just nutty talk.”

“I know…but—”

“No. No buts. Do you want to go to Scotland? Do you?”

My nerves buzz with energy. “Yes,” I say thickly.

“Then go. Go into work and get your vacation, and if they don’t let you, then figure out the soonest you can go. I’ve met Lachlan. You shouldn’t let him get away.”

“Okay.”

“Kayla,” she says seriously. “Don’t second guess yourself. This is your track. Get on it and go there. Be with him. You never know what love will bring you.”

But I don’t love him, I want to say. But I don’t say it. Because I know I will. It’s inevitable and I have to stop fighting it.

“Okay. Are you sure you’ll be fine? What if something happens to you?”

She laughs. “Nothing will happen to me. I promise. Please, Kayla. I just want to see you happy, and he makes you happy. Your father would want the same, I know he would. Take a chance and be with him.”

I lick my lips. I tell my mother I will see her as soon as I get back, that I’ll call her as soon as I get to Edinburgh, whenever that is. Then I phone Toshio and Paul, making both of them agree to see her while I’m gone. I don’t have to remind Steph. I know she’s good for it.

So I guess this is it.

This is it.

***

I barely sleep all night. I’m tossing and turning, holding onto my pillow and imagining I’m holding onto Lachlan. I cycle through a million feelings like I would cycle through dreams, and when my alarm goes off in the morning, I feel like the real dream is just beginning.

I don’t even know how I get ready and hold it all together.

I’m brushing my teeth and then suddenly—

BOOM.

I might be brushing my teeth in Scotland.

I’m drinking coffee and—

BOOM.

I might be drinking coffee in Scotland.

I’m imagining Lachlan’s face, open and inquisitive, wanting to hear beautiful things from me and—

BOOM.

I might have that for three wonderful weeks. The idea that I don’t have to say goodbye yet, that in a few hours I could be in his strong, warm arms again makes me feel drunk at eight a.m.

But first I have to go to work. I don’t seem to have many principles, but even I wouldn’t just leave my job like that. I have to throw caution to the wind…cautiously.

I do a last minute tidy-up around the apartment, pretending that I might not see it for a while, then I cram my suitcase into my car and head off to work.

I’m nervous, of course. Scared of what I might do if Lucy says no. I’m scared that those principles I have might be thrown out the window, and then where would that leave me?

Well, at least I’d be on a plane to Scotland.

I arrive at work fifteen minutes early, hoping to catch Lucy before she gets distracted. When she sees me, eyeing my super casual skinny yoga pants, slip-on sneakers, and a t-shirt (you have to be comfy on the plane), she looks surprised, probably doubly so because I’m never early.

“Kayla,” she says as I stride into her office. “What’s, uh, going on?”

I give her a tight smile. “May I talk with you?”

She takes her hand off her mouse and gives me her full attention. “All right.”

“I’ll make this short and sweet, but please know that it’s really important to me, and it’s a great opportunity, and I don’t get many like these. And I’ve worked here for a long time, and I’ve been pretty good. Great, sometimes. Anyway, I normally don’t ask for something like this, so let’s just take a moment to both close our eyes and appreciate that.”

She raises her brow. “Okay. But I don’t know what you’re asking me yet.”

I take a deep breath, straightening my shoulders. “I know it’s last minute, but…can I take my vacation?”

“Sure,” she says, looking back to her computer, probably finding my file. “When?”

“Today.”

She pauses typing. “What?”

“Yeah. I have a flight at three p.m. to Edinburgh, Scotland.”

“Today?” she repeats just as Candace comes into the office, glancing curiously at us.

“Yes.”

“That’s more than last minute.”

“I know, I know,” I say, giving her my most pleading look. “Please.”

She rubs between her eyes. “Do you want your whole three weeks?”

“Yes, yes, if I can.”

“You know we’re getting into fall, things are going to get busier.”

“I know, but Candace can handle it,” I say. I can’t believe I’m about to do this, but I stick my head into the office and yell at her. “Candace, if I go away for the next three weeks, do you think you can take over my account?”

She springs to her feet with overjoyed eyes and practically runs over to us. At this moment I know I’m handing my job, what I’ve worked for all these years, over to her, but it can’t be helped. I know that no matter what, this will be worth it.

And thankfully, thanks to Candace’s eagerness for the job, she’s the one who sells Lucy in the end.

“Fine,” Lucy says, giving me a wary smile. “You can go, Kayla.”

“What?” I ask, my breath stilling in my chest.

“Go. Go to Scotland. But when you come back, be prepared to work a lot. And make sure you get some kind of data plan over there. We might need to get in touch for this and that.”

She goes on about something else but I can’t even hear her. I’m smiling, stupidly, my heart this bubble that refuses to burst. That bubble takes me out of the office and I’m floating, high on joy, all the way to the car. I float while I drive, the car and I hovering happily as I cruise down the highway toward the airport. Nick Cave’s “Supernaturally” plays from the speakers, something I’ve been listening to ever since Lachlan said he admired him. Just another thing I’ve been doing, thinking, feeling, because of Lachlan.

And now, now I’m going off with him.

And so he is mine.

My Lachlan.

My beast.

My big, broken man.

I am coming for him. I am going to give myself to him in every way possible.

My body.

My heart.

My soul.

I’m going to get on that plane and stop being afraid for the first time in my life. I’m going to let him in and pray, hope, he’ll let me in too.

I’m so happy I could almost cry. I laugh instead, slowly, the feeling sneaking up on me as realization hits.

I can’t believe I’m fucking doing this.

This is so not me.

But maybe it’s the me I’ve always wanted to be.

And when I get to the airport and see Lachlan standing by the Virgin Atlantic ticket counter, where he texted me to meet him this morning, it feels like the sun is just shining through. It illuminates everything, telling me that this is right.

That there never was any other way for us.

I’m meant to be with him.

I stop where I am and take him in like this, his wide back turned to me. I watch him, unseen. Like a ghost. And I have to pinch my fucking self, because even in his cargo pants, hiking boots, and faded black t-shirt, he’s too handsome, too wonderful, too much of a man to exist on this earth.