THE CROWD ROARS as Alex’s voice fills the room.

“Jaded…” he screams. “Weary…”

I stop strumming, and the room becomes silent as all eyes focus on Alex. His breaths are the only sound heard through the speakers.

The drums beat one last time, and he whispers into the mic, “Alone.”

The room erupts with screams and applause and we’re finished with our set.

That’s always the perfect song to end with because it draws raw emotion from the fans. I look through the rows and rows of people rushing the stage, trying to find the record label executive who is supposed to be here tonight. I finally find her, seated at a small round table, feverishly writing notes in her spiral-bound book. She has a smile on her face.

Good.

Based on Dax’s research, this label is the one to go with. He handles most of the business side of things, and he’s confident this will be the best deal for us as a band. I trust him—I guess I have to.

Alex disappears into the crowd and I make my way to the back. Dax and Tristan are already there. I throw myself onto the couch, my fingers still vibrating from my guitar.

“That was amazing!” Tristan shouts, and I nod in agreement.

“Dax, that chick from the label was out there, and man she looked happy. I have a good feeling about this,” I say, and Dax frowns.

“Don’t get your hopes up, G. Who knows what they’re going to offer us. I do know that part of their offer is likely to require a three-record deal. That type of deal makes me nervous. We’re committing to so much. I’m not sure Alex will agree.”

“What does it matter if he agrees or not?” I ask, annoyed that Dax always keeps Alex in the top of his mind.

“Because he’s our songwriter. Without his words, we have nothing. He needs to be all in or we don’t sign shit.” Dax tosses his drumsticks onto the couch next to him and rubs his hands together. He’s nervous.

“Where’s Alex?” Dax asks.

“He said something about a girl and he jumped off the stage to find her in the audience.” Tristan smirks.

“Dude, we don’t need him getting all serious with a chick,” I state. “As Dax said, he needs to be all in. We can’t have his dick leading the charge.”

Dax nods his head in agreement and Tristan snickers. “Man, how long have you known Alex? He’s never been led by his dick.” He falls over onto his side and laughs hysterically.

“I’m going to see what’s up with the label exec. I’ll be back in a few.” Dax gets up and leaves the room.

“He’s so uptight.” I shrug. “That dude needs to get laid.”

“Says the ladies’ man.” Tristan laughs again. “That reminds me, what happened with that blonde the other night. Did you bang her in the bathroom?”

“So what if I did.” I don’t know her name, but I most certainly did bang her in the bathroom. Twice.

“She was hot. She had her eye on you all night.”

I remember spotting her in the crowd from the stage. She stared at me like I was the only one there, and she made me feel really good afterwards.

I wonder if she’s here tonight.

I’m about to get up when Dax comes back into the room, excited. “She just gave me her card and told me to call her in the morning. They’re working up an offer as we speak!” He can barely contain himself as he high-fives Tristan.

“That’s amazing, bro!” I shout, thinking about the blonde again. “I’m going to try to find someone,” I say as Alex comes rushing through the door.

He’s muttering to himself, and he’s not happy.

“Alex, you’re never going to believe this,” Dax says, and then his expression changes. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he mumbles and throws himself down on the couch. “What are you so happy about?” he scowls.

“The record label is working on an offer, and we should have it first thing tomorrow morning,” Dax says.

“Great. Exciting.” Alex isn’t the least bit excited.

“Care to share why you’re being a royal douchebag right now?” I ask.

“It’s none of your business,” he spits.

“Whatever,” I say and get up. “Congrats, everyone. I’m looking forward to tomorrow, Dax. Don’t worry, it’s going to be a great offer.”

I walk out of the room, and I hear Dax ask Alex about some girl he saw him with. The door shuts behind me before I can hear anything else.

I spot the blonde as soon as I enter the bar, and I’m ready to find another room in this place. She sees me too and makes her way across the crowded room. Just before she reaches me, my cell phone vibrates in my pocket. The only people who have this number are the guys and my mother. Since I know it’s not Alex, Dax or Tristan, I realize it can only be Mom.

What could she be calling about? She called me as soon as I woke up this morning so she and Bill could sing “Happy Birthday” to me.

I swipe to answer and I hear her soft voice. “Garrett?”

It’s loud in the bar area, so I hold up my finger when the blonde reaches me and I mouth, I’ll be right back. She smiles and her full lips are so inviting. I back up into the quiet hallway behind the bar.

“Mom, can you hear me?” I ask, covering my exposed ear while I hold the phone to the other one.

“Yes, I can hear you,” she says, and I can immediately tell by the tone of her voice that something is wrong.

“Is everything okay?” I ask, worried.

“No, it’s not,” she immediately replies. “Garrett, I’m so sorry to be calling you with this news. Especially on your birthday.”

“Is Bill, I mean, Dad okay?” I ask, terrified she’s about to tell me something bad happened to him.

“Yes, Bill’s okay. But…” She pauses and I swallow hard.

What’s going on?

“Mom?” I ask again, urging her to tell me what happened.

“But your father, he’s—he’s dead.”

I close my eyes and breathe deeply. Dead?

“Are you okay, Mom?” I ask. I know that she’s feeling this, hard. She did everything she could to save her marriage when I was a kid. She was the glue that held us together. After he left, she remained the glue and filled our house with more love than I could imagine. We didn’t need that fucker in our lives.

“I don’t know,” she says, and I hear her sobbing through the phone.

“Tell me what to do. What can I do?” I beg her, and her sobbing just gets louder. I hear a muffled voice coming from her side, and Bill is consoling her.

“Garrett?” His voice is solid and strong.

“Bill, tell me she isn’t this upset. She can’t be, that asshole made her miserable. Tell her I’m okay. I’m fine.” I don’t want her to worry about me. I don’t feel anything for him.

“There’s more to it than that. John’s dead, but…” He stops and I swallow hard.

“How?” I ask.

“He killed himself.”

Sam

Present

Villanova, Pennsylvania

Age 23

I WAKE WITH A SMALL JOLT OF PAIN down my neck. I feel a weight in my arms and realize I’m still holding Kai. My feet never stopped rocking us back and forth, even though I had fallen asleep. He’s swaddled tightly and breathing quickly. This is a sign that he’ll wake up soon. His short fits of sleep are constantly interrupted by the pain he feels throughout his body.

I’ve become in tune with his irregular schedule over the past month and can sense when he’s about to start wailing. I get myself ready to absorb his pain, and I recline the rocker so I’m lying back. I unbutton my shirt and slide it off so I’m wearing just my sports bra, then I swiftly remove the tight swaddling from his body. He’s only wearing a diaper as I press his warm body against my chest. He stiffens and begins to scream his painful cries. Each one tears through me worse than the last. I feel it all. He stiffens more and arches his back, lifting his head off of my chest. His cries become more frantic, and I reach for the warm blanket that’s hanging over the side of the chair. I wrap it around my shoulders and hold him firmly against my chest as I hum softly. After about twenty minutes, he begins to slowly relax into me as I continue to melodically hum near his ear. The vibrations from my chest finally soothe him.