“You okay?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “I know you keep telling me that it’s going to get better. Easier. But every single time I see him like this I don’t believe you. His pain needs to end. He can’t continue to live like this.”

I grab hold of his hand and squeeze. “It will end. I promise.” His eyes glisten and he bows his head.

He lets go of my hand, and I follow him into the kitchen. I dim the lights so they don’t disturb Kai’s slumber.

“Time to make pizza,” I say.

“Yeah,” he says.

I turn on the oven and place the pizza stone inside. “Look,” I say, pointing to the dough in the bowl. “The yeast did its job.” The dough has expanded, almost tripled in size.

“You seem so calm, Sam. How are you not affected by what just happened in there?” he asks, his face pained.

“It’s not easy, but I know soon his pain will be a thing of the past. Every time I lay my hands on him or hold him against me, I know that I’m doing something to help his suffering.” I pause and his eyes lock onto mine, still searching for answers. “Every day is one more day that he doesn’t have drugs coursing through his veins. The pain becomes lessened over time, and as that happens, these episodes will also begin to diminish.”

He nods and I continue, “If you remember when he first came home, he would cry like that for hours on end. There were days that went by that I swear he cried for twenty-three out of twenty-four hours. Garrett, it was really bad.” I motion toward the den. “What just happened in there was a vast improvement. And it’s only the second time today. Progress.”

He exhales but still looks drawn and worried. I desperately want to comfort him, but I know I can’t. I’m his employee. Kai’s nurse.

“Now, let’s make pizza,” I say and remove the dough from the bowl.

“Thank you,” he says weakly and touches my cheek, dropping his hand to my shoulder. “I think I believe you.”

“You have to believe, Garrett. Otherwise, you have nothing.”

Light flickers in his eyes and he quickly turns away. “I’m starving,” he says.

“Then let’s do this,” I say as I begin to roll the dough out on the counter.

We prepare the pizza together in silence. I can tell he’s lost in thought and in pain. I can’t imagine what’s going through his mind every time he sees his little boy. I know I’ve gone through fits of anger when I watch Kai suffer. How can someone knowingly do this to a child? Sadie made terrible choices. Choices that Kai is now paying for.

“You look mad,” he says, breaking our silence. We’re both seated at the kitchen island, watching the pizza cook in the oven.

I sigh. “No, just thinking.”

“About?” he urges.

“I’m trying to understand what would make someone do this to a child. I think about it every time I hold and comfort Kai. He did nothing to deserve the pain that he’s living with every day. I do feel anger, but I also pity her.”

He clenches his fists and I tense, waiting for him to take a swing at something. He tries to regulate his breathing, and I know he’s doing everything to remain calm. “I don’t want to talk about her,” he says.

The oven timer goes off, and I jump to my feet. I grab two oven mitts and remove the stone, placing it on top of the stove. “This needs to cool off a little,” I say and turn to him.

“Sorry,” he says. “I didn’t mean to jump down your throat. It’s just… I can’t feel anything for Sadie but contempt and anger. So let’s just leave it alone, okay?”

I nod. “When you’re ready to put aside your anger, you’ll be surprised what your heart will find.” He looks at me, surprised. “Your son is a gift.”

He drops his shoulders and inhales deeply. “You’re right.”

“Still hungry?” I ask and grab the pizza cutter from the drawer. He nods quickly and I serve the first few slices. Before I know it, the entire pizza is gone and both of our plates are empty. The air is lighter between us, and I’m thankful he’s relaxed a bit.

“I’ve never seen a girl eat that much pizza,” he jokes and pushes his plate away from him.

I blush and wipe my mouth with a napkin. “I love pizza.”

“We should do this more,” he says.

“Yeah?” I ask. “You mean you’re going to help cook? I think my aunt will want to know about this.”

He’s unmoved by my teasing and declares, “Every Thursday is now pizza night. And next week, you’ll have to show me how to make the dough.” He looks around the kitchen and I notice there’s flour everywhere. “You’re not exactly a neat cook.” He smirks.

“No, I’m not. But you have to admit, that was damn good pizza,” I say, very proud of myself.

“It was amazing.”

I like that we’ve connected tonight. I feel like I can help him open up more and become confident in his abilities to care for his son, even if he carries such anger and resentment toward Sadie. I know I can help him.

“Pizza Thursday,” I say. “I like the sound of that.”

Kai starts to stir in the other room, and we both jump up. Concern floods his face once again, and I touch his arm. “I’ll take care of him. He just sounds a little fussy and probably needs a diaper change.” I look around the kitchen at the mess that we made. “Why don’t you clean this up and meet me upstairs in his room in a little bit?”

“Okay,” he says reluctantly, and I walk past him to get Kai.

As I carry Kai up the stairs, I notice a new picture on the wall. It’s a close-up of Kai, and he’s smiling huge. This picture is proof of the immense progress that we’ve made. It took months for him to smile for the first time, and Garrett captured it perfectly in this photo.

I settle into the rocking chair with him and hold him close, his breathing even and calm. I drift off to sleep with this strong little boy pressed close to my chest. Progress.

I OPEN MY EYES AND SEE a familiar form on the day-bed. Garrett’s awake and his eyes meet mine. “Hey,” I say groggily.

He blinks slowly and says, “Hey.”

“What time is it?” I ask and shift Kai gently in my arms.

“Three thirty,” he says quietly and sits up. The stiffness in my neck tells me the clock must be right. I think I dozed off around ten or eleven.

“It’s my turn,” he says as he makes his way toward me and Kai. I nod and stand up slowly so I don’t wake him.

I transfer his son into his arms as he settles himself in the chair. I stretch and feel my spine crack.

“You’ve got to stop sleeping in this chair,” he whispers as he looks down at his son. Kai is sleeping peacefully.

I crawl into the day-bed and find the warm spot that Garrett left behind. “Soon,” I say as sleep starts to take me again. “Kai’s going to get better and then you won’t need me.”

As I drift back to sleep, I hear a soft whisper.

“We’ll always need you.”

Garrett

Present

Villanova, Pennsylvania

Age 27

“OH MY GOD, THAT PIZZA WAS AMAZING,” Sam says, pushing herself away from the table. It’s Pizza Thursday, our third one in a row.

“Amazing,” I say and wipe the crumbs from my mouth.

“If we keep eating like this every week, I’m going to need to buy new clothes.” She pats her flat belly and stretches. I raise my eyebrows and quickly glance at her body. There’s nothing wrong with the way she looks. In fact, she can stand to put on a few pounds. Maybe I’ll institute a Pizza Friday and Saturday.

“What are you smirking at?” she asks.

“Nothing, I was just thinking that I could seriously eat pizza every night,” I respond.