I can do this, I can do this.

I was shown to my seat as they prepared and gave me the usual speech. My heart felt like it was going to jump through my chest and land on the floor in front of me. I couldn’t believe I was actually going to go through with this.

I sat and waited, the time ticked by so slowly it was as though I was sitting there watching and waiting for paint to dry. Luckily, it was nearly time for a shift change amongst the nurses which was why I planned it at that time. I’d done this numerous times over the years. I liked to give back to those people who needed it, so it was the least I could do.

I looked around at the current nurses who were doing some last checks and making notes for the nurses’ change of shift. I looked to my blood bag and saw that it was about halfway full. Looking up, I saw that the nurses were at their station discussing things and now was my chance. I pulled the needle from my arm, trying hard to ignore the stinging pain. I reached up and took the bag of blood and placed it quickly in my handbag. I kept watch the station and noted that all the new nurses were signed on and beginning their rounds. I was glad there were curtain separators between the patients. This was when this whole process began. The nurse arrived in my cubicle and I was nervous as hell because I needed this to work.

“Hello, dear, weren’t you hooked up?”

“Oh no, they hadn’t gotten to me yet. They asked me to wait those few minutes until shift change occurred.”

The elderly nurse looked at me then back to her notes, I instantly felt sick to my stomach. She was sure to notice something like maybe the small pinhole that I was trying to keep concealed and not bleeding.

“Okay, well, let’s get you hooked up—”

“Actually, I’ve just had a call from my sister and her car has broken down, so I’m unable to do this now. I’ll have to come back next week. I’m really sorry to have inconvenienced you.” I quickly snatched up my bag, keeping its contents concealed and walked past her while not meeting her eyes.

I was shaking so badly that when I got in the car I couldn’t even bring myself to start it. Instead, I broke out in tears. Tears of fear. But what was I more afraid of? Fear of getting caught, or the fear of continuing my life how it was with Jacob and his unpredictability?

Now I needed to mentally prepare myself for seeing him again. Just the thought caused my stomach to fall. I knew Blake would be close by if Jacob tried something or got physical in any way, but it still did nothing to quell my innate fear of what was to happen.

Chapter Eighteen

Abby

Three Years Ago

I was sitting in front of the restaurant. It was the exact same restaurant I ran out of when Jacob proposed. I knew he was doing this to taunt me, to show me that he was always going to be the one in charge and that no matter what I do I would always be trapped in his net. Well, not for much longer. I sent a quick text to Blake.

Me: Hey, I’m outside the restaurant waiting. I’m so nervous. I honestly don’t know if I can do this.

I hit send and waited. I checked my watch and saw that I was about ten minutes early. I didn’t want to be late because I didn’t want to upset him. This whole idea rides on him forgiving me and us being the happy couple again. My phone went off causing me to jump.

Blake: It will all be okay and everything will work out.

I hit reply.

Me: How is this right when we won’t get our chance in the future if I’m ‘away’ for who knows how long?

I wish I’d met Blake before Jacob. Jacob was the man in the mask. With the mask on, he was a kind and loving man, but take that mask off and you would see the ugliness that hid underneath. The controlling and possessive nature he had was like a virus and once it touched you, it ate away until you’d been brought down to his level and were willing to bend to his every whim. I knew I was missing my chance with Blake, but I also knew my safety came first. If I simply just ended it, he wouldn’t leave me alone. Hence, he thought that we were still in a relationship and that everything that had happened recently was simply forgotten. Believe me, it absolutely was not. My phone beeped.

Blake: We WILL have our time. I promise you, we will have our time. It may not be right now, or tomorrow, but we will have it. I’m so glad I’ve had a small amount of time with you, it’s better than none at all. You’re the best thing in my life, and as hard as this all is, I know it will all work out in the long run.

Butterflies raged in my stomach as I read his words. He made me feel giddy, like a girl with her first crush all over again. I was sure he was right about us getting our time, but it upset me we can’t have that now.

Me: I know. I can’t wait to see you later. x

His reply was instantaneous.

Blake: I can’t wait either. I want as much time with you as I can get. Also don’t forget to delete these messages from your phone.

     What a way to ruin the moment. I went back and deleted all the messages. I even went so far as to delete his number because I knew exactly what Jacob was like, and would probably want to see my phone to see what I’d been up to since he’d been away and we hadn’t actually seen each other.

I checked the time and saw I was five minutes late already. Yeah, he wouldn’t like that. I freaked out and grabbed my bag, practically sprinting to the door of the restaurant.

As I stepped inside the room, I saw him looking down at his watch with a scowl on his face but the instant he looked up and saw me, he greeted me with a smile, then stood from his seat to come and meet me. I felt sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to kiss him or be anywhere near him. I took a few deep breaths, plastered on a fake smile and began walking toward him, meeting him halfway.

As I stepped in front of him, I paused for a moment. I wasn’t sure why, it was as if fear caused me to freeze. Thankfully he didn’t notice and wrapped me up in his foreign embrace. I had become accustomed to Blake and his warmth as he tenderly wrapped me within his secure arms. I couldn’t remember a time that I’d ever felt like that in Jacob’s arms, so I was fighting the urge to push him away and run again, but I didn’t.

“Hello, beautiful,” Jacob whispered into my hair. Something about him was different; I’m not sure what, though. “You’re late, why?” And there it was, that tone, the tone that killed any and every cell of happiness you might hold within you.

“Sorry, I got caught up with Melodi. She needed my help with some things at home,” I lied. It was unbelievable how easy it was to lie to him now. There was still fear involved regarding getting caught, but I couldn’t think about that right now.

He nodded, seeming as though he accepted my answer. “Let’s eat. I’ve already ordered for us, I hope you don’t mind.”

Now, why would I mind? Because you’d done it every other time we’d gone out. If only I could say that out loud to him. I wasn't too keen on a confrontation in the restaurant again.

“Sounds great. I’m sure I’ll love what you’ve ordered for me.” I smiled, placing a sickening kiss on his lips. As I pulled away, he grabbed my wrist tightly and pulled me back into him, forcing his lips hard onto mine and causing me to taste the metallic tang of blood as he bit my lip. I tried my hardest to keep it together. He willed my lips to part, and as I did he explored my mouth. This was the hardest thing by far, but I knew I needed to go with it.

He pulled back looking satisfied. “Now that’s a better greeting to give your future husband.”

My heart instantly stopped. He couldn’t be serious.