“Tender.”

“I’m sorry for whacking you with that wrench.”

“Apology accepted.”

When he didn’t offer more conversation, Izzy sat quietly and tried to enjoy her coffee. Having him so near, looking sexy and acting so aloof did the opposite of what it should have done.  It made her want to engage him, not push him away, damn it!  What she wouldn’t give to get inside this complicated man’s head.  It was futile, though.  He’d wrapped himself up tight.

“So, don’t you have a job to go to or does the FBI keep banker’s hours these days?”

“I had some time coming, so I took it.”

It was on the tip of her tongue to ask if he took time for her, but she squashed it.  Even if he had, he’d make it not about her. Seriously, she needed to move forward with her plan instead of waiting for him to throw her a crumb.

When she snuck a glance at him, she found his brooding gaze still focused on her.

Biting her bottom lip, feeling like a germ beneath a microscope, Izzy looked around the solarium and smiled.  There in the window was a pink Gerber daisy planter.  Beaming, she looked at Flynn.  “I like what you’ve done with the place.”

Shrugging it off, he said, “They were selling them at the store.  I thought you might like it.”

Raising her brows, she fought down the grin she couldn’t fully control and said, “You thought I might like it?”

Abruptly, he stood and walked over to the buffet and poured himself another cup of coffee.  “Yes, you.”

Why did he have to make it so hard? Her smile receded as the urge to poke at his feelings for her enticed her.  It wasn’t like she had anything to lose.  Why not find out where she stood, or could have?  Not, she told herself, that it would matter.

It hit her like a sledgehammer that she had made a mistake.  Flynn’s demeanor this morning left no doubt to anyone who was paying attention that he wasn’t interested.  There was no sign of the man who’d brought her home last night.  This man was cold. Disengaged.

“Do you think if we had met before I started working at Surf’s Up, things could have been different between us?” She wanted to hear the words, not speculate.

Flynn nearly choked on the coffee he’d just swallowed.  Stunned, he looked at her.  “What?”

Pointedly, she said, “I didn’t stutter.”

Flynn stared at her for several long seconds before he said, “I told you the night we met, I don’t do the commitment thing.”

“Why is that?”

He shrugged.  “I just don’t.”

“Neither do I, but at least I’m honest about why I don’t.”  She set her cup down and stood up.  “Especially with a man like you.”

“Is this where you insult me to make yourself feel better?”

“No.” Setting her hands on her hips, she elaborated.  “Actually, it wouldn’t make me feel better.  I feel pretty crappy because I wish you weren’t you. If you weren’t, then maybe I would break my rule and try.” Since she had nothing to lose, Izzy let him have the truth.  “I would have put aside everything that scares me and let you in.  For you, and only you, I would have been brave enough to try.  To see what all the fuss was about.  I was willing, Flynn, to give you a part of me I’ve never given anyone else. And I’m not talking about my hymen.  But you threw it in my face, treated me like something you scraped off your shoe.”  Tears stung her eyes now.  “You didn’t even give me the chance to show you who I was, you just made assumptions, and your ego couldn’t handle them.”  She moved in on him.  “That’s the person I wished you weren’t. Because that other guy?  The one who showed me the light?  Who promised to help me, who cooked breakfast for me, who took me on a fabulous ride to the coast and introduced me to champagne?  The guy who made me feel safe, the one who made me laugh?  That guy?  That’s the guy I would have given it all up for.  But he never gave me a chance.”

“That second guy, the good one? He doesn’t exist,” Flynn said, standing.  “The first guy is who I am.”

Izzy shook her head, dismayed by his refusal to sack up.  “For such a badass, you’re the biggest coward I know.”

Sliding his chair under the table, Flynn speared her with keen blue eyes. “I know my limits, there’s nothing cowardly in that.”

“Your cowardice comes from hiding behind that first guy.”

He stood silently staring at her for what seemed like hours, but was in all actuality less than a minute.  “You deserve better than me.”

Izzy laughed.  “Is that supposed to make me feel better or you?”

“Neither. It’s the truth.”

Nodding, she looked up at him. “You’re right about that.  I do deserve someone better than you. I deserve a guy who’s not willing to live without me.”

Lifting her chin, clenching her jaw and fists, Izzy strode toward him.  His eyes widened.  Oh, what she wouldn’t do for the honor of punching him!  Hard.  Make him feel something, damn it! Stopping inches from him, she stood up on her tiptoes and got in his face. “I only have one regret.  Do you know what that is?”

He shook his head.

“I wish I’d never met you.”

His eyes darkened as his lips pulled tight.  His only tell, slight as it was, that she had gotten to him was the slight acceleration of his breath pattern. In that one simple observation, Izzy realized he wasn’t made completely of stone.  Sadly, it didn’t make her feel better.  He had feelings all right, just not for her.

Running her fingers through her hair, Izzy shook her head. She needed to get out of here, because with each second that ticked by, she realized she was subconsciously giving Flynn the chance to change his mind. He wasn’t going to. Feeling gut-punched, she turned away. “I’m going for a run.  If you insist on shadowing me, fine, but I’m going with or without you.”

“Isadora,” Flynn called as she walked away.

Shaking her head, fighting to keep calm, Izzy turned and put her hand up.  “Don’t,” she said slowly, forcing her voice to remain level, “apologize for being you, Flynn. I certainly won’t apologize for being me.  I get it. We all have our things. I just wanted you to know where I stood or would have, that’s all. It’s done, so just let it go.”

Izzy hurried back to her room, not giving him the opportunity to argue or explain himself, because it wouldn’t matter. She wanted something from him he wasn’t able to give her: the guts to try.

Chapter Twenty-five

By the time she closed the bedroom door behind her, Izzy couldn’t decide exactly how she felt.  Hurt?  Absolutely.  Like there was a hole in her chest. An emptiness she couldn’t fathom. Rejection hurt like hell, especially after you laid your heart at someone’s feet like she just had.  But she could take some satisfaction from standing her ground.  She hadn’t settled for being Flynn’s fuck buddy.  She wasn’t like her father or mother in that regard.  She honored her feelings even though she guarded them like a momma grizzly guarded her cub. She’d end up despising herself if she settled for anything less than what she deserved: a man who cared enough about her to accept her good, bad, and ugly, who was willing to go all in.  She wasn’t asking for the fairy-tale happily ever after.  She wasn’t sure it existed.  But she knew she wasn’t fuck buddy or mistress material.  So she was back to where she had always felt the safest: Alone. And here she would stay.

Straightening, Izzy pulled the shirt over her head and unclasped her bra, tossing both onto the bed.  She was brave, too.  Stripping her pants and panties off, she gave herself a mental pat on the back. She’d taken a chance and lost. Damn if she didn’t take it. That was saying a lot more about her character than Flynn’s. He just refused to take one step in her direction.

Now she needed to find a way to move on and not continuously look over her shoulder.  Choking back a laugh, she wondered how one erased feelings from their broken heart.